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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27581252">Damnatio Memoriae</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/medusaapologist/pseuds/medusaapologist'>medusaapologist</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bisexual Harry Potter, Canon Divergence - Post-Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Character Death, Draco Malfoy Being an Asshole, Established Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Golden Trio, Human Disaster Remus Lupin, M/M, Misguided Albus Dumbledore, Nonbinary Character, POV Third Person Limited, Severus Snape Bashing, Sirius Black Needs a Hug, regulus wasn't sirius's only brother, sirius black and remus lupin have a daughter, sirius black is a deeply flawed human being, third year and up, wolfstar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-09 00:13:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>46,664</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27581252</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/medusaapologist/pseuds/medusaapologist</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Damnatio Memoriae, rather known as "the condemnation of memory." It is a punishment for traitors; wipes them from documentation, memory — from existence.<br/>Once upon a time, there were three Black brothers. One died. One was imprisoned. The third was left to pick up the pieces. </p><p>Begins during Prisoner of Azkaban and diverges from the canon of the rest of the books, but still follows the rough plotline.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Draco Malfoy &amp; Original Female Character(s), George Weasley/Original Female Character(s), Harry Potter/Original Female Character(s), Hermione Granger &amp; Harry Potter &amp; Ron Weasley &amp; Original Female Character(s), Hermione Granger &amp; Original Female Character(s), Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley, Remus Lupin &amp; Original Female Character(s), Ron Weasley &amp; Original Female Character(s), Seamus Finnigan/Dean Thomas, Sirius Black &amp; Original Female Character(s), Sirius Black &amp; Original Male Character(s), Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>47</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. I Want a Puppy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>to love another person is to see the face of god.</p><p>-finale, les miserables // victor hugo</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Lola Black met Harry Potter when she was six years old. Her uncle deemed it best to send her to muggle primary school and she was seated at the same cluster of desks as him. At the time, she had no idea who he was, or what he would ever come to mean to her. It wasn’t until her uncle asked about her friends and she could remember Harry’s last name — this came when she was nine — that she learned who he was. She’d known she was a witch all her life, but she learned at the age of nine that Harry Potter was a wizard and she was, under no circumstances, allowed to tell him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Much to her uncle’s disappointment, she was placed into Gryffindor at the age of eleven. That was also one of the only times she ever asked about her father; she wanted to know what house he was in. Gryffindor, her uncle told her, and then he said he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Her uncle had been a Slytherin back in his day, Lola knew. Before she got to Hogwarts, though, she barely knew what that meant. Her uncle was nothing like the stuck up jerks in Slytherin. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There hadn’t been much room for me to be in anything but Slytherin,” her uncle once told her. Then she asked how her father had been in Gryffindor, like her, then. “Your father was a different breed.” And that had been that. There was a reason Lola hadn’t been placed into Ravenclaw. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was two years ago, though. Lola was thirteen now, just under three months away from being fourteen. She had far bigger fish to fry than whether or not her uncle’s personality matched up with Slytherin traits. Her main task at hand, of course, was getting her hands on a pet that was not an owl, cat, or toad. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want a puppy,” Lola said, slamming down a brochure from Magical Menagerie. The brochure was, of course, flipped open to a page on its canine selection, with flashing stickies pointing to her favorites. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Uncle Atlas looked up from his lesson plans and stared at Lola over his spectacles. She always thought he looked ridiculous when he did that, like an old man. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” Atlas said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Whyyyyy</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Lola groaned, flinging her torso across the table and groaning like the proper teenager she was. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Namely, they are not listed as an allowed pet at school.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lola stuck her tongue out at him. “Rats aren’t listed either and yet Ron can bring Scabbers!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Atlas rolled his eyes. “You didn’t let me finish, missy.” He cleared his throat and leaned forward onto his forearms. “Not only are dogs not allowed at Hogwarts, but they get big, and smell, and, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Merlin</span>
  </em>
  <span>, do they shed!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lola pushed out her bottom lip and made her eyes look as big as possible. “But I would take really good care of him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Atlas gave her a look that said the conversation was over. Lola might have been a hellraiser and a troublemaker, but she was also smart. She knew when to pull back and when to push forward. This was a moment for pulling back. She’d wear him down eventually, tonight was clearly just not the night for that. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fair enough</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she thought. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine,” Lola huffed, picking herself up from the table and collecting the brochure. “I’ll be in my room.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lola, wait,” Atlas said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She turned around, dark eyebrows raised. “Yeah?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have to go into the Ministry tomorrow, so I’ve arranged for you to visit Diagon Alley with—” Lola sucked in a breath, praying her uncle wouldn’t say her aunt Narcissa’s name. She went to Diagon Alley with Aunt Narcissa last summer and she never wanted to do it again. “—Molly Weasley and her family.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why do you have to go into the Ministry?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Atlas’s eyes flickered, ever so slightly, to the flipped open Daily Prophet next to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s been an issue with Azkaban.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lola didn’t know much about Azkaban, just that it was a prison. She’d heard some truly horrifying things about it from Hagrid, though. The guards weren’t wizards, but rather dementors. Lola couldn’t help but wonder if Azkaban was the </span>
  <em>
    <span>only</span>
  </em>
  <span> wizard prison, and if thieves were put in cells with murderers. It seemed a little messed up, but, then again, so did most of wizarding society. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What kind of issue?” Lola asked slowly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Atlas sighed. “An escape.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Cool</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Lola said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Atlas shot her a pointed look, as if to say it were the very opposite of cool. Still, Lola had to give whoever did it props. As far as she knew, nobody had ever escaped Azkaban before. Though, that was also kind of terrifying she supposed. You’d have to have some </span>
  <em>
    <span>serious</span>
  </em>
  <span> dark magic up your sleeve to escape from that place.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, not cool. Sorry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The barest of smiles crossed Atlas’s lips. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why do </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> have to go in, anyway?” Lola asked. “I mean, you’re a professor, and it’s not like you teach Defense Against the Dark Arts. You teach </span>
  <em>
    <span>history</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Atlas cleared his throat. “My brother’s the one who escaped.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lola’s mouth dropped open. She didn’t even know that her uncle had a brother other than her father. Well, now she could see why he didn’t talk about the guy. What a weird, twisted family she was a part of. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’d he do to get put in there?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Atlas’s face hardened. “What most of the other people serving time in Azkaban did. He betrayed friends and sided with Voldemort.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you ever tell me about him?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because, you don’t need to be bogged down with things like this. Don’t worry about Sirius,” Atlas said. “We’ll catch him and put him back where he belongs.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Ron's Stupid Rat</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i am a very hungry and thirsty girl. / i have an infinite god-shaped hole inside.</p>
<p>-melissa broder on reading</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>About a week ago, Lola got a letter from Harry saying that he’d run away from the Dursleys and was planning on staying at a room in the Leaky Cauldron, and that he had permission from the Minister of Magic himself to do so. Upon reading the letter, Lola thought it was very cool of Harry for managing that. Now, though, with the knowledge she’s acquired about Uncle Atlas’s brother, she thinks it’s slightly less cool. Still, she would be going to the very same place Harry was staying very soon, and then she could tell him what she knew about Sirius Black. Or rather, she could tell him that she assumed Sirius Black, her incredibly dangerous and evil and treacherous uncle, would be coming after him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe she was being dramatic, but according to Uncle Atlas that was a trademark of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black. Lola thought the title was ridiculous. But, she also kind of liked it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she Flooed into the Leaky Cauldron, the Weasleys were all waiting for her. She was greeted first by Fred and George, shoulder-to-shoulder, grinning down at her. At the end of the last school year, they’d discovered the song Lola by The Kinks and they always greeted her with a terrible, crooning rendition of it. It got her flustered every time, red from her cheeks, to her ears, to her chest.  She caught sight of Hermione behind them, sat beside Ron, and was able to overcome the fluster of her minor crush. Though it had only been a couple months, it felt like it had been </span>
  <em>
    <span>years</span>
  </em>
  <span> since she’d seen Hermione. Lola plowed through the twins and tackled Hermione into a hug so fierce that the chair nearly toppled over.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I missed you so much!” Lola squealed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lola— can’t— </span>
  <em>
    <span>breathe</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” Hermione rasped out as she returned the hug with as much ferocity. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The bloody hell am I, then?” Ron’s voice came, annoyed. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ronald</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” Mrs. Weasley exclaimed, scandalized. Ron paid his mother no attention as he rounded on Lola and Hermione, pushing them apart. “Where’s my hug?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lola made a face. “I saw you last week.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Even still, she hugged him tight. There was nothing Lola valued more than her friends. She loved each of them with every bit of her, and she could only hope they would return at least a quarter of that love and loyalty.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Lola asked Tom, the innkeeper, where Harry was, she was told he’d already left for Diagon Alley for the day. Somewhat put out that she couldn’t kick down his door and barge in on him, Lola let Hermione traipse her into the famed alley. Ron left with his father to get a new wand from Ollivander’s, the promise to meet up with them in Flourish &amp; Blotts as soon as possible fresh on his tongue. Mrs. Weasley went off with Ginny and Percy — according to Mrs. Weasley, if Percy was going to be a </span>
  <em>
    <span>proper</span>
  </em>
  <span> head boy, he’d need some new things — while Fred and George went off in a completely different direction, muttering something about meeting up with Lee Jordan in Gambol and Japes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Merlin, Hermione,” Lola muttered after paying for her books and eyeing Hermione’s own teetering stack. “How many books do you need?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hermione rolled her eyes. “It’s a book for every subject, Lola. I’m taking more than you, that’s all.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Unsure just how Hermione was planning to function this year, Lola winced but allowed the subject to drop. Just as Hermione was paying, Ron made his way inside, looking very proud of himself and his new wand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’d you end up with this time?” Lola asked eagerly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ron flashed a wild grin. “Fourteen-inches, willow, unicorn tail.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lola thought of her own wand, which was thirteen-and-three-quarter inches, composed of pine wood with a phoenix tail feather. She knew there was a great, wise saying about the wand choosing the wizard. She wondered what her wand said about her, or </span>
  <em>
    <span>if</span>
  </em>
  <span> it said anything about her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nice,” Lola said approvingly. “Hermione’s paying now, so hurry up and get your stuff.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ron made a face, like he wanted her to say more about his new wand, or that he didn’t like her bossing him around. Still, he disappeared into the depths of the bookstore to collect his necessary things. Lola’s heart went out for the poor worker, who was definitely not being paid enough to have to dive into the cage and pick out the very literal </span>
  <em>
    <span>Monster Book of Monsters</span>
  </em>
  <span> for the new third-years taking Care of Magical Creatures. When Lola saw Hermione and the worker struggle with the book, she found herself very glad that she’d decided to take Artwork with Professor Sinistra, who also taught Astronomy, and Muggle Studies with Professor Burbage.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Of the new classes, Lola was most excited for Artwork. She liked to fancy herself to be moderately talented at art. But, what most drew her excitement was learning to create the moving, talking portraits the decorated Hogwarts halls. From what she could gather from a few cursory conversations with Professor Sinistra over the last two years, it required a decent amount of charmwork. Thankfully, Charms happened to be Lola’s by-far best subject. It was the only class she ever got marks above Hermione in. In the rest, they were often tied or she came in just below Hermione because she didn’t care enough to put in the studywork. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>By the time Ron got his books and paid, Lola and Hermione had gotten so bored that they were halfway through their hundredth round of Rock-Paper-Scissors. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I need to stop by Madam Malkin’s,” Lola said once they shoved their way outside of the shop. “One of my robes has a hole in the elbow.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As they weaved their way through crowds of bystanders and slow-walking families, Lola kept her eyes peeled for Harry’s unmissable, mop of messy hair. Much to her displeasure, by the time they reached Madam Malkin’s shop, she had not spotted him. When they entered, Madam Malkin was in the middle of ringing up what Lola could only assume would be an incoming first year. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi, Madam Malkin,” Lola said. “I need a new Gryffindor robe.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Madam Malkin eyed Lola carefully, blue eyes full of judgement. “Now, Miss Black, are you quite sure it's only one? Your uncle has brought you here at least six times since you got your first pair of Hogwarts robes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lola was a bit of a wildcard when it came to her clothes. She was always running about, tripping and falling, and up to all other forms of antics. It made sense that she was always in need of new robes. And, </span>
  <em>
    <span>honestly</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she didn’t get why Madam Malkin was complaining. It was more money in her pocket, anyway.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just the one, I think,” Lola said, pursing her lips. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thankfully, Lola’s measurements hadn’t changed in the last three visits she’d been in the shop. Or, at the least, they hadn’t changed enough for Madam Malkin to need to do anything different. Lola hoped that would change next time. She felt like she looked like a boy now, with no hips and a chest nearly as flat as a board. Hannah Abbott, a friend of Lola’s in Hufflepuff, had been an A-Cup in first year, and was now a C-Cup. Lola wished she could have that kind of growth spurt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Madam Malkin finished up in about twenty minutes and Lola paid her the galleon and three sickles she was owed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll be seeing you in December, Miss Black,” Madam Malkin called cheerfully as Lola made her way out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lola just waved Madam Malkin off. She, Ron, and Hermione walked around a bit more before Ron decided he wanted ice cream. Lola forked over seven sickles to Mr. Fortescue in exchange for a large cone of apple crumble ice cream. Ron got a cone of clotted cream and Hermione got a heaping cup of orange marmalade soft serve. All in all, Lola was very content, sitting in the sun and licking at her ice cream. It was then, in her peace and revelry, that she spotted Harry. In her haste to wave him over, she quite nearly dropped her ice cream — which would have been </span>
  <em>
    <span>quite</span>
  </em>
  <span> upsetting, as the line had gotten </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> long in the last few minutes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Harry! </span>
  <em>
    <span>Harry</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” Lola yelled, waving her ice cream free hand about wildly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Finally!” Ron cheered, grinning, as Harry plopped down in the extra seat at the table. “We’ve been looking for you all afternoon. We checked in with the Leaky Cauldron, but they said you’d left already, and we went to Flourish &amp; Blotts, and Madam Malkin’s—” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I got all my school stuff last week,” Harry said. Lola offered out her ice cream. He grinned at her thankfully and took a bite before handing it back to her. “And how come you knew I was staying at the Leaky Cauldron?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You told me in a letter, idiot,” Lola said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At the same time, Ron said, simply, “Dad.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ron’s father was the head of his department at the Ministry, so Lola supposed it made sense that he would know about Harry’s whereabouts, especially because of his family’s proximity to and fondness of Harry.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> blow your aunt up, Harry?” Hermione asked in a very grave, very serious voice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lola snorted into her ice cream. It was real funny of Hermione to be all disapproving, she thought, as Hermione was the one to help her set Snape on fire back during their first year.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t mean to,” Harry said, voice quiet beneath Ron’s roaring laughter. “I just… lost control.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lola frowned at Harry’s words. He hadn’t explained in his letter what his Uncle Vernon’s sister did, or said, to get him so angry. However, Lola almost didn’t want to know, otherwise it would surely make her just as angry — if not more. She had a tendency to care about Harry more than he cared about himself. It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> stressful being his best friend sometimes, but if Lola didn’t do it, who would?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not funny, Ron,” Hermione said sharply, sounding awfully like what Lola imagined a young Professor McGonagall had sounded like. “Honestly, I’m amazed Harry wasn’t expelled.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So am I,” Harry admitted. Though, he was still grinning. “Forget expelled, I thought I was going to be arrested.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lola frowned, thinking of Azkaban yet again. Had Harry been arrested, would he have been put in the same place as murderers and Death Eaters? Something about that didn’t seem right. It didn’t feel like justice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your dad doesn’t know why Fudge let me off, does he?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do,” Lola said, leaning back in her chair. She propped her leg up on the seat and grinned at Harry. “It’s because you’re, you know, </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>! Could you imagine the press, the </span>
  <em>
    <span>scandal</span>
  </em>
  <span> that would cause?” She threw her head back and let out a sharp, barking laugh. “Just picture it: Boy-Who-Lived Expelled for Bout of Accidental Magic. Merlin, the headlines just write themselves.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry smiled wryly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You can ask my dad yourself tonight, if you want,” Ron said, rolling his eyes at Lola’s dramatics. “We’re staying at the Leaky Cauldron tonight too. Hermione as well. So, you can come to King’s Cross with us tomorrow. But, I hate to say it, Lola’s probably right about why you got let off so easy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry nodded along, prompting Ron to hold up a hand and then reach for his new wand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Check it out,” he said proudly. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Brand-new</span>
  </em>
  <span> wand. Fourteen inches, willow, containing one unicorn tail hair. And we’ve got all our books—” Ron pointed to the large bags beneath the table. “What about those </span>
  <em>
    <span>Monster Books</span>
  </em>
  <span>, eh?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lola snorted, thinking again about how glad she was to not be taking Care of Magical Creatures.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s all that Hermione?” Harry asked, pointing to the three humongous bags around Hermione’s chair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lola caught Ron’s eye and just shook her head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I’m taking more new subjects than you, aren’t I?” Hermione sniffed. “Those are my books for Arithmancy, Care of Magical Creatures, Divination, Ancient Runes, Muggle Studies—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>What</span>
  </em>
  <span> are you doing Muggle Studies for?” Ron asked, rolling his eyes at Lola and Harry. “You’re muggleborn! Your mum and dad are muggles! You already know all about muggles!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But, it’ll be fascinating to study them from the wizarding point of view,” Hermione said earnestly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hermione had said the same thing to Lola at the end of last term when they were deciding on their classes. Maybe Lola was just utterly endeared by everything Hermione did, but she grinned and nodded along to Hermione’s words. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you planning to eat or sleep at all this year, Hermione?” Harry asked while Ron sniggered into his ice cream. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hermione just ignored Harry and Ron’s jibes and counted the galleons in her purse. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve still got ten galleons. It’s my birthday in September, and Mum and Dad gave me some money to get myself an early birthday present.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How about a nice </span>
  <em>
    <span>book</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Ron asked innocently, batting his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lola kicked him underneath the table. He cursed quietly, shooting her a betrayed glare.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I don’t think so,” Hermione said, keeping her composure as opposed to snapping back at Ron. “I really want an owl. I mean, Harry’s got Hedwig and you’ve got Errol—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I haven’t,” Ron said. “Errol’s a family owl. All I’ve got is Scabbers.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pulled the rat out of his pocket, and Lola scrunched up her face. She hated the stupid, ugly rat and groaned as Ron put him on the table.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> unsanitary, Ron!” Lola groaned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He ignored her. “And I want to get him checked over. I don’t think Egypt agreed with him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Take him to Magical Menagerie,” Lola said. She bit down the last part of her cone and pointed in the direction of the shop. “Hermione can get her owl and you can see if they’ve got anything for that thing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This </span>
  <em>
    <span>thing</span>
  </em>
  <span> has a </span>
  <em>
    <span>name</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Lola,” Ron scowled, picking him up and shoving him towards Lola’s face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It took every ounce of self control to not smack Ron’s wrist and send Scabbers flying into the crowded street. Biting the inside of her cheek, Lola gathered together her things and stood. As soon as the four of them made their way into Magical Menagerie, Lola broke apart from her friends and went to the canine section of the store. Spread out before her, in plush cages, were dozens of puppies. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi, there,” Lola said, crouching down in front of a puppy with fur as black as night. Its eyes were shock blue, staring up at her. “I wish I could take you home with me, but my stupid uncle won’t let me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The puppy let out a soft bark and lifted one of its paws to one of the cage bars. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’d give you a nice home,” Lola whispered. She reached her hand through the bars and ran her hand down the back of its head. “If only Hogwarts allowed dogs.”     </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>fun fact: i've been very scared of dogs since i was a child. that being said, lola being a dog person is incredibly hard to write because that is just so the opposite of who i am.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Welcome Feast</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>i’d bite myself and take out my feelings with my teeth.</p><p>-dreams of clytemnestra // dacia maraini</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>This year, Uncle Atlas decided he didn’t want Lola riding the train into school. So, he had her Floo into his office at Hogwarts with him. She’d asked twice before if she could do that instead of taking the train, and both times he’d denied her. Not this year, though. He didn’t want to have her deal with the train ride, and all the questions that would be inevitably asked of her and her relation to Sirius Black. Lola didn’t get the big deal, but if it meant that she got to sleep in and not deal with a seven-hour train ride, she was all for it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Uncle Atlas left early in the day to set up some things at school. As the Head of Slytherin, he wasn’t afforded the so-called luxury of being able to ride the Hogwarts Express in. He had to make sure everything was perfect for the incoming first years. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>To pass the time, Lola made herself busy by bouncing a ball against the wall and catching it. Long after the sun set beneath the forest trees and still being without friends, Lola found herself wishing she had just convinced her uncle to let her brave the terrifying questions of her classmates. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Never again</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she thought as she remembered all the times during the summer before first year that she begged Uncle Atlas to let her skip the train ride. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss Black.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola turned away from the giggling ball in her hands to face her very own Head of House. Professor McGonagall was a formidable woman and an incredibly strict, yet still fair, teacher. Despite her intimidating appearance, Lola knew better. She could still remember all the times she’d run through the Hogwarts halls as a little kid, chasing after Professor McGonagall’s animagus. She might have had a hard face, but her heart was soft. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, Professor,” Lola said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come with me, will you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Has the train arrived yet?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not quite. I feel the need to disclose some things with you before your classmates arrive, however.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola could recognize the pinched look on McGonagall’s face. Something fairly close to being terrible had happened. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s chat in my office.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola had been in McGonagall’s office plenty of times for telling-offs, mostly due to Snape’s complaints about her and her behavior. Lola didn’t really count anything Snape did to her as a legitimate punishment. He’d hated her the moment she stepped foot into Hogwarts. According to Uncle Atlas, Snape had absolutely despised her father when they went to Hogwarts together, and that the feeling had been very mutual. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, is this some kind of secret?” Lola asked, cracking a crooked grin and toying with the hem of her robe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“On the contrary, Miss Black. All of your classmates will be buzzing with this information when they arrive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola frowned. She hated being the last person to know things. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Hogwarts Express was halted earlier this evening by dementors in search of Sirius Black,” McGonagall said stoically. Lola could see the irritation in the woman’s eyes. McGonagall clearly did not want the dementors anywhere near Hogwarts. “Thankfully, our new Defense professor was on hand to send the creatures away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good,” Lola said slowly. “About time we get a competent professor, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>McGonagall smiled thinly. “Mister Potter, unfortunately, was affected fairly negatively by the creatures. He fainted from the exposure, but he will be fine. I have to speak with him before the feast begins, and you are welcome to wait for him with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Lola said, feeling rather faint herself. In Lola’s mind, there was </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing</span>
  </em>
  <span> worse in the world than her friends getting hurt. “Is— Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>McGonagall’s mouth tightened, but she also nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it about Sirius Black?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I’m afraid it is,” McGonagall said. “I’m sure your uncle has already given you a talking to about safety precautions this term, but I want to tell you myself that you must exercise great caution, Miss Black. I know you serve as an auxiliary member of the quidditch team and enjoy watching all the practices, but I must ask that you do your best to be inside the castle after dark every night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola figured it wasn’t much of a request as it was a very kind order. She nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Professor, I know Sirius is my uncle and all—” McGonagall stiffened ever so slightly— “but, why all this caution for me? I mean, surely I can’t be that far up on his hit list when Harry’s here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>McGonagall did not take kindly to Lola’s use of ‘hit list.’ In retrospect, it definitely was not the best thing to say to the woman, but Lola had never been known for delicate words. There was nothing elegant about her, part of why the Sorting Hat hadn’t even considered Slytherin she supposed. The moment the hat touched her head, it screamed out Gryffindor. She’d been Sorted faster than anyone, excluding her cousin Draco. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can’t know for sure what your— Black wants,” McGonagall said. “We are taking all safety measures necessary, including safety measures for your uncle.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola’s insides ran cold. She hadn’t even considered Uncle Atlas to be a target for Sirius. Sure, Sirius was a bad guy, she thought, but he wouldn’t murder his own twin brother. Who could do something as twisted as that? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before long, McGonagall left her office to go collect Harry </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> Hermione. Apparently, she needed to discuss Hermione’s incredibly busy schedule before the term started. Secretly, Lola wished McGonagall would force Hermione to take less classes. Hermione was smarter than anyone Lola knew, but she also was prone to far more stress than anyone she knew. Lola didn’t want to witness and deal with the fallout of Hermione spreading herself too thin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lola,” Harry said, walking into the office behind McGonagall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing here?” Hermione asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Professor McGonagall wanted to tell me what happened on the train. Are you all right, Harry?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took every ounce of Lola’s self control to not shoot up and examine him herself. She bit down on her thumbnail as her friends sat down next to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Professor Lupin sent an owl ahead to say you were taken ill on the train, Potter,” McGonagall said.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Now that’s a way to phrase it</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Lola nearly snorted. Before Harry could even say anything, there was a soft knock at the door. Madam Pomfrey, Lola figured. McGonagall had mentioned that she would have Harry looked over. Harry would hate it, Lola knew. But she also knew it was for the best.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, it’s you, is it?” Madam Pomfrey sighed, sounding annoyingly unsurprised. “I suppose you’ve been doing something dangerous again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time, Lola did snort. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was a dementor,” McGonagall said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Madam Pomfrey’s face paled in an instant. She exchanged a dark look with McGonagall and clucked her tongue disapprovingly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Setting dementors around a school,” she muttered. Her voice was bitter as she pushed Harry’s hair away from his forehead and checked his temperature. “He won’t be the last one who collapses. Yes, he’s all clammy. Terrible things, they are, and the effect they have on people who are already delicate—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not delicate!” Harry spoke up indignantly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, whatever you say,” Lola snickered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>McGonagall sent her a disapproving glare. Then, she turned to face Madam Pomfrey again. “What does he need? Bed rest? Should he perhaps spend tonight in the hospital wing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry sprang up, emerald eyes as wide as galleons. “I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, he should have some chocolate at the very least.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve already had some,” Harry said. “Professor Lupin gave me some. He gave us all some.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did he, now?” Madam Pomfrey seemed to approve of the man already. “So, we’ve finally got a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher who knows his remedies?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>About time</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Lola thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure you feel all right, Potter?” McGonagall asked, staring him down with a sharp eye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Yes</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Very well. Kindly wait outside with Miss Black while I have a quick word with Miss Granger about her course schedule, then we can go down to the feast together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola waited until she and Harry were outside and Madam Pomfrey was safely down the corridor before she rounded on him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry shrugged. “It was out of nowhere… It was all cold. I felt like my insides were freezing up, and then—” He faltered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I heard my mum,” Harry said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola’s insides twisted and tugged. Not saying anything, she reached out and pulled Harry in for a hug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you,” she whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not your fault.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stayed like that, Lola unwilling to let go, until McGonagall and Hermione walked out a mere few moments later. Sniffing, Lola stepped away from Harry and wiped at her eyes. Harry, Hermione, and McGonagall were all very kind to pretend to not notice. Hermione looked very happy about whatever her conversation with McGonagall entailed. Lola had no clue, but she did notice a golden chain poking out of the corner of Hermione’s collar. Must’ve been another early birthday present.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, we’ve missed the Sorting,” Hermione said, frowning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola didn’t care much about that. It was a dreadfully long process, anyway. Instead, she was trying to catch her uncle’s eye. He seemed very occupied with the conversation he was having with who Lola could only assume was the new professor. Lola shoved a space between Ron and some second year so that she and Harry could sit while Hermione seated herself comfortably across from them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why weren’t you on the train?” Ron whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll tell you later,” Lola whispered back, watching Dumbledore stand from his place at the High Table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Welcome! Welcome to another year at Hogwarts! I have a few things to say to you all, and as one of them is very serious, I think it best to get it out of the way before you become befuddled by our excellent feast…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dumbledore cleared his throat and continued. “As you will all be aware after their search of the Hogwarts Express, our school is presently playing host to some of the dementors of Azkaban, who are here on Ministry of Magic business.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He paused, frowning, and Lola thought about McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey, both who were very clearly displeased with the dementors’ presences.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They are stationed at every entrance to the grounds,” Dumbledore continued, “and while they are with us, I must make it plain that nobody is to leave school without permission. Dementors are not to be fooled by tricks or disguises — or even Invisibility Cloaks.” He added that last part in a very blase tone, but Lola knew it was meant for her and her friends. Grinning, she kicked Harry lightly beneath the table. He returned the favor with a slightly less sharp kick. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is not in the nature of a dementor to understand pleading or excuses. I therefore warn each and every one of you to give them no reason to harm you. I look to the prefects, and our new Head Boy and Girl, to make sure that no student runs afoul of the dementors,” he said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>From the corner of her eye, Lola could see Percy puff his chest out in a very self important fashion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“On a happier note,” Dumbledore continued, “I am pleased to welcome two new teachers to our ranks this year. First, Professor Lupin, who has kindly consented to fill the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Knowing what Lupin had done to help Harry, Lola clapped as hard as her hands would allow. There wasn’t much applause for him, as everyone knew the Defense position was a constantly rotating door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As to our second new appointment… Well, I am sorry to tell you that Professor Kettleburn, our Care of Magical Creatures teacher, retired at the end of last year in order to enjoy more time with his remaining limbs. However, I am delighted to say that his place will be filled by none other than Rubeus Hagrid, who has agreed to take on this teaching job in addition to his gamekeeping duties.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, Lola was almost wishing she had signed up for Care of Magical Creatures. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should have known!” Ron roared over the thunderous applause from Gryffindor’s table. “Who else would have assigned a biting book?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I think that’s everything of importance,” Dumbledore said when the applause finally died down. “Let the feast begin!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time the welcome feast ended, Lola had gorged herself so greatly on mashed potatoes and roast chicken that she was sure she was going to either throw up or pass out. Upon reaching the Gryffindor Common Room, she muttered a tired, bleary-eyed ‘goodnight’ to Harry and Ron, and trudged upstairs to her dormitory. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i got my appendix out last week and i was literally just passed out in bed all week from it so i completely forgot about posting! anyway, i'll post a second chapter to make up for it. i've written thirty nine chapters so far - up to the train ride to hogwarts for fourth year. </p><p>let me know what you think about the story so far, your theories about what will happen and all that.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The Boggart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>my dream goes strangely prowling and i am so haunted that in me always, inside my darkness i hear the funeral voices groan.</p><p>-nelligan // anne carson</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>When Lola met up with Harry and Ron for Transfiguration just after ten o’clock, she found herself </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> glad that she decided to not take Divination. All her classmates who had been subjected to the class looked rather worse for wear, Ron more than most. Lola, personally, had a great time in Muggle Studies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Weren’t you just with me?” Lola asked, furrowing her eyebrows at Hermione when she appeared next to Ron. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, don’t be silly,” Hermione sniffed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before she could comment on it, Professor McGonagall ushered them inside the classroom. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’s everyone staring at you?” Lola hissed at Harry, pulling him into a seat in the back right corner of the room. He just shook his head. She pursed her lips and pulled out her parchment and quills. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but you’re telling me later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the first part of the lesson, Lola did her best to ignore Harry’s numb state and the looks he was getting from their classmates and just focus on McGonagall’s lesson. It should have been a brilliant, fascinating lesson about Animagi, especially when McGonagall transformed herself into a cat and back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really, what has gotten into you all today?” Professor McGonagall said. “Not that it matters, but that’s the first time my transformation’s not got applause from a class.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola laughed quietly, but the laugh quickly died when everyone’s heads turned to face Harry. Hermione cleared her throat and raised her hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, Professor, we’ve just had our first Divination class, and we were reading tea leaves, and—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, of course,” McGonagall said, frowning. “There is no need to say more Miss Granger. Tell me, which one of you will be dying this year?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stunned, Lola locked eyes with Hannah Abbott, who just came from Muggle Studies with her and was not present for the Great Speculation of Death in Divination. That was also when Harry finally spoke. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me,” he said, raising his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Groaning, Lola leaned forward and kneaded at her temples. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Of course</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she thought. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Of bloody course</span>
  </em>
  <span>. All she wanted was a quiet year. </span>
  <em>
    <span>One</span>
  </em>
  <span> quiet year. Apparently, though, that was </span>
  <em>
    <span>far</span>
  </em>
  <span> too much to ask. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see,” McGonagall said, unimpressed. She fixed her eyes on Harry and crossed her arms. “Then you should know, Potter, that Sybill Trelawney has predicted the death of one student a year since she arrived at this school. None of them has died yet. Seeing death omens is her favorite way of greeting a new class. If it were not for the fact that I never speak ill of my colleagues—” Her nostrils flared in irritation. “Divination is one of the most imprecise branches of magic. I shall not conceal from you that I have very little patience with it. True Seers are very rare, and Professor Trelawney—” She stopped again, and then said, in a very matter-of-fact tone, “You look in excellent health to me, Potter, so you will excuse me if I don’t let you off homework today. I assure you that if you die, you need not hand it in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola laughed a bit nervously. If it were any other student, maybe she would place no stock in Professor Trelawney’s prediction. Harry, however, was no random student. He’d come scarily close to death far too many times in their last two years at Hogwarts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of Transfiguration passed without any disturbances, and they were soon off to lunch. Lola’s stomach was grumbling up a storm by the end of class, so she couldn’t have been more pleased to reach the Great Hall. She helped herself to a large bowl of stew and grabbed two slices of fresh bread. After lunch, she made her way to Artwork.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a small class, filled by mostly Ravenclaw students. There were two Hufflepuffs and two Slytherins (Daphne Greengrass and Freddie Durrani, a fourth year), but Lola was the only Gryffindor. Freddie, being the only other outsider in the classroom in account of him being older, sat down beside Lola. They didn’t get to do any actual painting or drawing this class, but Professor Sinistra gave a spectacular lecture on the history of magical art. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Artwork ended, Lola was done for the day. She trudged to the Gryffindor Common Room, already tired of school, and did a double take. Hermione, Harry, and Ron were crowded around one of the tables by the fireplace doing work. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you guys already here?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hagrid let us out early,” Ron said. His mouth stretched into a grin. “Malfoy got attacked by a hippogriff.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola pinched her mouth very tight. For all the grief the professors gave Harry about diving into dangerous situations, they refused to acknowledge that her cousin was very much the same in that aspect. Except, he didn’t do dangerous things for other people. No, Draco did dangerous things to make himself look cool, or to make Harry look very much uncool.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s an idiot,” Lola scoffed, sitting down in the empty chair. “And I’m sure he’s gonna get my uncle to make a big stink about it as well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After all, her uncle Lucius had been the one to get Hagrid fired and put in Azkaban for a couple months last term. He was an asshole of the highest degree. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dinner came and went, Lola tried to get at least some of her Transfiguration homework done, but she was really just on the verge of falling asleep by the time nine o’clock hit. Hermione had to practically drag her up the stairs to the dormitory. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next morning, Potions was the first class Lola had to endure, and it was unfortunately with Slytherins. Not only that, but it was a double Potions block, which made it even worse. They were halfway through the lesson when Draco came sauntering in, sporting a bright white sling and bandages. He was </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> milking it. There was no way Madam Pomfrey hadn’t been able to fix him up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does it hurt much?” Pansy Parkinson simpered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Draco said, putting on a brave face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola gagged into her cauldron and made a face at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Settle down, settle down,” Snape said idly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry, Ron, and Lola exchanged deep scowls. If they’d walked in late, Snape would have deducted points and thrown detentions at them, time in the hospital wing be damned. Though he was not the Head of Slytherin, he’d gone up against Uncle Atlas when the position opened and he treated Slytherins with a ridiculous amount of favoritism. Draco especially. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Draco came to the table Lola, Harry, and Ron were at and began to set up next to them. Biting the inside of her cheek, Lola shot him a glare. He just grinned at her, all smarmy and self important.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sir,” Draco called in a sleazy voice. “Sir, I’ll need help cutting up these daisy roots because of my arm—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Weasley, cut up Malfoy’s roots for him,” Snape said without looking up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s nothing wrong with your arm, you absolute wanker,” Lola hissed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Draco just winked. “Weasley, you heard Professor Snape; cut up these roots.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The violence in which Ron grabbed his knife with, Lola almost thought that Ron was going to stab Draco. Instead, he haphazardly began to slice up the roots into jagged, uneven pieces.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Professor,” Malfoy drawled in a whining voice. “Weasley’s mutilating my roots, sir.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Snape threw down whatever he’d been reading and approached the table. He stared down his large, hooked, greasy nose and then gave Ron an unpleasant smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Change roots with Malfoy, Weasley.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola winced. Ron had spent the last half hour carefully shredding up the roots for his potion. They were nicer than Lola’s. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But, sir—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Now</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Snape said in his most evil, intimidating voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And, sir, I’ll need this shrivelfig skinned.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Potter, you can skin Malfoy’s shrivelfig.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Snape went back to his desk, Lola took the chance to lean over. She looked down at the uneven roots Ron had to use and frowned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you do everything else correctly, I think you should be able to manage a decent potion,” Lola said, trying to sound pleasantly optimistic. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seen your pal, Hagrid lately?” Draco asked quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“None of your business,” Ron snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m afraid he won’t be a teacher much longer,” Draco said in a mock-upset voice. “Father’s not very happy about my injury—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Draco, if you keep talking, I’ll give a real injury,” Lola hissed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He flickered his gray eyes, not so dissimilar from hers, to her face and smiled thinly. Evidently, he didn’t believe her threat. Still, she managed to shut him up. It wasn’t until Snape began examining people’s cauldrons.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Orange, Longbottom,” Snape said, in an angry yet still bored voice. He ladled some of Neville’s potion out and let it splash back in for everyone to see. The potion was supposed to be a bright, acid green. Clearly, Neville had missed a step somewhere. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Orange</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Tell me, boy, does anything penetrate that thick skull of yours? Didn’t you hear me say, quite clearly, that only one rat spleen was needed? Didn’t I state plainly that a dash of leech juice would suffice? What do I have to do to make you understand, Longbottom?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola sunk her teeth into her bottom lip and frowned. Neville’s face was bright red from embarrassment and he looked like he was on the verge of tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, sir,” Hermione, at the same table as Neville, spoke up. “Please, I could help Neville put it right—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t remember asking you to show off, Miss Granger,” Snape said in an icy cold voice. “Longbottom, at the end of this lesson we will feed a few drops of this potion to your toad and see what happens. Perhaps that will encourage you to do it properly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola inhaled sharply. Her most Gryffindor trait, perhaps, was that she never knew when to shut her mouth or keep quiet. In times like this, it got her into a lot of trouble.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>What</span>
  </em>
  <span> is your problem?” she exclaimed. The eyes of Snape and the entire class were now on her. Hermione was quietly shaking her head, eyes pleading with Lola to shut up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You will do well to keep quiet, Miss Black,” Snape hissed through his teeth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you would do well to not bully children!” Lola snapped back. “What about humiliating kids is so appealing? You’re a teacher, so </span>
  <em>
    <span>teach</span>
  </em>
  <span> us! Merlin, just get </span>
  <em>
    <span>over</span>
  </em>
  <span> whatever childhood trauma you’re dealing with and—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was when Lola knew, like always, she went too far. Snape’s sallow face turned bright, steaming red.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That will be fifty points from Gryffindor, Miss Black.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola sucked in her cheeks and did her best not to glare at him. She prayed that she didn’t send Gryffindor into the negatives for house points. Snape turned on his heel and paraded to the other side of the classroom. She tuned out for the rest of the class, ears ringing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After lunch, they had Defense Against the Dark Arts, which Lola was most excited for. Finally, it seemed, they would have an actually competent professor for the subject. First, they had literal Voldemort, and second, they had a complete fraud. Professor Lupin, in Lola’s eyes, proved himself before the term even started. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they entered the classroom, the first thing Lola noticed was the decor. Unlike the professors before him, Lupin actually set the room up like an actual classroom. There were posters of various beasts plastered to the walls and posters with inspirational instructions on how to cast spells. Lola grabbed Harry’s wrist and dragged him to the front of the classroom. She wanted to be front and center for this. Ron and Hermione settled into the desk to their left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Professor Lupin was not in the classroom when they all arrived, so most of the students began to take out their quills and textbooks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you hear what Seamus was saying in Potions?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Lola said. “What happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sirius Black’s been spotted,” Harry said. “Not far from here, apparently.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola bit her lip and furrowed her eyebrows. McGonagall and Uncle Atlas were right, it seemed. Sirius Black was headed for Hogwarts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just wanna know how he did it,” Lola said in a low voice. “I mean, he got past the dementors once. Who’s to say he can’t do it again and get in here?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” Harry said slowly, “I mean, Hogwarts has wards and stuff… right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but he went to Hogwarts, didn’t he?” Lola said. “He knows where it is, and if he went here I’m sure he knows what the wards are. Besides, we already know he’s bound to have some seriously powerful black magic up his sleeve.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please tell me you weren’t just making a pun,” Harry begged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola grinned a bit suspiciously. “No. Why would you suggest something like that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He just rolled his eyes at her. It was then that Professor Lupin entered the room, bringing all conversation to a stop. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good afternoon,” he said pleasantly. “Please put all your books back in your bags. Today’s will be a practical lesson. You will need only your wands.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola’s eyes grew as wide as galleons and she turned to Harry with an excited grin. They’d never had a practical lesson in Defense Against the Dark Arts before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, let’s get the roster out of the way so we can get on with the lesson, yes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As this block was a Gryffindor only class, Lola was the first person to be called. Lupin seemed to stutter over her name. Probably because of the whole her being a Black thing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just Lola’s fine, sir!” she said, shooting him an easy grin. “Ophelia’s a bit of a mouthful.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lupin just nodded before moving onto Lavender. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right then,” Lupin said when he was finished and everyone had their books packed into their bags. “If you’d follow me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Delightfully puzzled, Lola stood and followed him out of the classroom. He led them down the deserted hallway and around a corner. Peeves was floating around the very corner they turned, looking up to no good. Lola groaned quietly and shot Harry a look. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Loony, loopy Lupin,” Peeves sang, bobbing up and down. “Loony, loopy Lupin, loony, loopy, Lupin—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He continued on with the song and Lola pursed her lips. Normally, Peeves afforded at least </span>
  <em>
    <span>some</span>
  </em>
  <span> respect to the teachers. Lupin just smiled politely at the poltergeist. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d take that gum out of the keyhole if I were you, Peeves,” Lupin said lightly. “Mr. Filch won’t be able to get into his brooms.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Honestly, the harder Filch’s life was, the happier Lola was. She hated the cranky old man and his stupid, evil cat. Peeves paid Lupin no mind except to blow a loud, obnoxious raspberry. Lupin just gave a small sigh and turned to the class.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is a useful little spell. Please watch carefully.” He pulled his wand from his pocket and turned back to Peeves. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Waddiwasi</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The gum flung itself out of the keyhole and up Peeves’s nose. He shot up and away, cursing loudly with swears Lola had never heard before. She locked a couple of them away in her brain for later. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool, sir!” Dean exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Dean,” Lupin said, putting his wand away. “Shall we proceed?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They entered the staffroom, which was a long, paneled room, empty except for Snape. He was sitting on a low, black armchair, reading some Potions magazine. He looked at the class with a deep sneer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Leave it open, Lupin. I’d rather not witness this.” He snapped the magazine shut and walked towards the door. Just before he left, though, he stopped at the door frame and turned back, eyes glittering with anger. “Possibly no one’s warned you, Lupin, but this class contains Neville Longbottom. I would advise you not to entrust him with anything difficult. Not unless Miss Granger is hissing instructions in his ear, or Miss </span>
  <em>
    <span>Black</span>
  </em>
  <span> is fighting his battles for him.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola glared at him, seething at his emphasis on her last name. Lupin merely raised his eyebrows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was hoping that Neville would assist me with the first stage of the operation, and I am sure he will perform it admirably.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Snape’s lips curled and he walked out, slamming the door behind him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now then,” Lupin said, ushering the class to the end of the room. There was an old wardrobe, rattling back and forth and banging against the wall. “Nothing to worry about. There’s a boggart in there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola raised her eyebrows and stared at the professor in front of her. A boggart was worth at least a </span>
  <em>
    <span>little</span>
  </em>
  <span> worry in her opinion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Boggarts like dark, enclosed spaces. Wardrobes, the gap beneath beds, the cupboards under sinks — I’ve even met one that had lodged itself in a grandfather clock. This one moved in yesterday afternoon, and I asked the headmaster if the staff would leave it to give my third years some practice. So, the first question we must ask ourselves is, what is a boggart?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola raised her hand. “A boggart shape shifts into whatever form it thinks will scare you the most.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well said,” Lupin told her, not quite looking at her. “So the boggart sitting in the darkness within has not yet assumed a form. He does not yet know what will frighten the person on the other side of the door. Nobody knows what a boggart looks like when he is alone, but when I let him out, he will immediately become whatever each of us most fears… This means,” Lupin lectured, “that we have a huge advantage over the boggart before we begin. Have you spotted it, Harry?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Er—” Harry said. From the corner of her eye, Lola could see Hermione bouncing up and down next to Harry, eager to answer the question meant for Harry. “Because there are so many of us, it won’t know what shape it should be?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Precisely,” Lupin said. “It’s always best to have company when you’re dealing with a boggart. He becomes confused. Which should he become, a headless corpse or a flesh-eating slug? I once saw a boggart make that very mistake — tried to frighten two people at once and turned himself into half a slug. Not remotely frightening… The charm that repels a boggart is simple, yet it requires force of mind. You see, the thing that really finishes a boggart is laughter. What you need to do is force it to assume a shape that you find amusing. We will practice the charm without wands first. After me, please… </span>
  <em>
    <span>riddikulus</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Riddikulus</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” the class chorused in response.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good,” Lupin said approvingly. “Very good. But that was the easy part, I’m afraid. You see, the word alone is not enough. And this is where you come in, Neville.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beside Lola, Neville let out a low moan. He was shaking, looking like a man being sent to his execution. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You got this, Neville,” Lola whispered, leaning in towards him. She reached out and squeezed his wrist with a small smile. “You’re braver than us all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He just looked at her, stunned. She widened her smile and gently pushed him forward. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right, Neville,” Lupin said. “First thing’s first: What would you say is the thing that frightens you most?” Neville mumbled something unintelligible. “Didn’t catch that, Neville, sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In a voice, barely above a whisper, Neville responded, “Professor Snape.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, Neville</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Lola thought miserably. She hadn’t been wrong when she said he was braver than them all. How many other people did she know that could say they looked their greatest fear in the face every day?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kind of alarming that his greatest fear’s a teacher, right?” Lola whispered to Harry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He kind of grimaced and just nodded, watching Lupin talk to Neville. Before Lola even realized she had zoned out, trapped in her own thoughts, Snape’s image was climbing out of the wardrobe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>R— R— Riddikulus</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A noise like the crack of a whip shot out of Neville’s wand and, suddenly, the Snape boggart was dressed in an old woman’s clothing. Lola let out a loud, sharp laugh and clamped her hand over her mouth. That was </span>
  <em>
    <span>too</span>
  </em>
  <span> good. Merlin, she couldn’t wait until Snape got news of this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Parvati! Forward!” Lupin cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Snape rounded on Parvati, froze, and turned into a mummy. Upon Parvati’s charm, the bandages began to unravel. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The class took their turns until Harry, Lola, and Hermione were the only ones left. Lupin called Lola and she stepped forward, unsure of what the boggart would turn into. The boggart shifted from a rat chasing its own tail into a tall, handsome boy only a couple years older than Lola. He had porcelain skin, hair as dark as ink, eyes as cold as ice, and Slytherin robes. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tom Riddle</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Lola hadn’t been expecting that. She took a deep breath and raised her wandhand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Riddikulus</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With that same whip sound, Tom Riddle turned into a puddle of black ink, just like he had five months ago when Lola and Harry faced him. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>[</b>
  <span> … </span>
  <b>]</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Ginny.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The younger girl was sitting at one of the chess tables in the common room. Though, despite being at a chess table she was reading a book. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hi, Lola.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I sit?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ginny nodded. Sniffing, Lola sat down and braved her arms against the tabletop. Ginny closed her book and stared at Lola.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How— How are you doing?” Lola asked. “I mean, being back here and all… After last year.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In a similar way to Ron, Ginny flushed and her ears turned bright red. She looked away from Lola and sucked in her lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t— I don’t want to upset you. I’m sorry.” Lola grimaced a bit at her own incompetence and looked down at the table. “I just— Well, today in Defense Against the Dark Arts we had to face a boggart and… mine was…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Him,” Ginny finished, sounding far older than twelve years old.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Lola said a bit lamely. “I just— Well, I wanted to make sure you were okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tiniest hint of a smile crossed over Ginny’s lips. “I’m okay. Thank you, Lola.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just… If you ever need to talk… I’m here for you.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>so, we met lupin! his and lola's relationship is probably one of my favorites i've ever written. i just constantly be projecting onto old fictional men and wishing they were my dads. someday, i might write outtakes of this story -- scenes i wish i could've fit in, and all that. if you guys are interested, i probably will post some, and one of those could be lola in the chamber with harry!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Happy Birthday, Lola</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>i would have eaten your heart.</p><p>-the biographer // lisel mueller</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Two weeks into the term, Lola received her first detention of the year. And, of course, the detention came from Snape. As per usual, it was for mouthing off in his class, and also for the fact that she threw her middle finger up at Draco. The next day, she was held back after History of Magic by Uncle Atlas. He gave her that oddly sharp look of disappointment that he reserved only for situations like the one at hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re an awful lot like your father, you know,” Uncle Atlas told her, after chewing her out for a solid five minutes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t often that he talked about his brothers, but she couldn’t blame him. One was dead and the other was a crazy Death Eater. Lola smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yes,” Uncle Atlas said. “He— He was unlike anyone I ever knew. He was… </span>
  <em>
    <span>bold</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and dramatic, and so, so smart. Though, I’d wager you’re smarter now than he ever would have been.” An odd twinkle appeared in Uncle Atlas’s eye. “He hated Professor Snape too, I’ll have you know. And I’m saying that to you as your uncle, </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> your teacher.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola laughed. “Got it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, get to dinner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With her first detention of the year under her belt, the rest of September and October seemed to go by in a blur. Before Lola even realized it was coming up, it was her birthday. She woke up on Tuesday, October 26 with a rather large present at the foot of her bed. A present that Hermione was very pointedly not looking at. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cracking a small grin, Lola reached forward and threw the stuffing out of the bag. Inside the bag was a very nicely handmade card that glittered and sparkled without even needing to catch the light. The present itself was a very simple, brown leather bound journal and a pack of muggle ballpoint pens. Lola snorted at the sight of the pens.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you hate quills,” Hermione said, cracking a grin. “And the journal is charmed to automatically add pages as soon as you get to the end.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Grinning, Lola flipped the front cover open. Engraved in gold lettering was: </span>
  <em>
    <span>PROPERTY OF LOLA BLACK, IF FOUND PLEASE RETURN TO THE GRYFFINDOR COMMON ROOM</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The witch at the shop said it’ll also change the location to return it to every time your residency changes. That way, you can keep it for the rest of your life.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hermione, this is amazing,” Lola said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She put the journal aside and lept off the bed to jump onto Hermione’s. She flung herself onto Hermione and hugged her tight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is </span>
  <em>
    <span>way</span>
  </em>
  <span> better than the present I got you for your birthday,” Lola said. “I totally owe you when Christmas comes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you kidding?” Hermione shot back. “I loved that book! It was like the wizarding version of Nancy Drew.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she met up with Harry and Ron downstairs in the common room, Ron procured a handwritten coupon declaring that he would buy her all the candy and butterbeer she wanted at their Hogsmeade trip on Sunday. Grinning, Harry handed her something wrapped terribly in an old </span>
  <em>
    <span>Daily Prophet</span>
  </em>
  <span>. When she opened it, she found that she was holding a book on the wizarding world’s most prominent witches and all their achievements. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, guys!” Lola said brightly, shoving the book into her bag. “Now, can we go get breakfast? I’m starving.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the Great Hall, Fred and George shouted out a very loud and off-key rendition of the Happy Birthday Song when Lola sat down. They also plastered a great, big patch bearing the words </span>
  <em>
    <span>BIRTHDAY GIRL</span>
  </em>
  <span> to her bookbag. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good luck getting that off,” George said as Fred sprinkled pink confetti and gold glitter over Lola’s head. “It’s charmed to stick until midnight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for that,” Lola said, rolling her eyes as she tried to hide a smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything for you,” Fred said, leaning forward to tap her nose. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tuesday was, luckily, a free day for third-years. After breakfast, Lola made her way outside to do a sketch for her artwork class. Hermione had studying to do, and Ron had a chess club meeting, so it was just Harry with her. They were sitting on a blanket beneath the tall beech tree by the Great Lake. While Lola drew, Harry worked on their Charms essay. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, isn’t this a </span>
  <em>
    <span>lovely</span>
  </em>
  <span> date?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola glanced up from her sketchbook upon hearing Draco’s trademark sneer. His silver hair was glinting harshly under the hazy sunlight and, for once, he wasn’t surrounded by his goons. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want?” she asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Happy birthday, cousin,” Draco said after a moment. He reached into his cloak pocket and held out a long, skinny box wrapped in emerald paper. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola glanced between his face and the box and smiled a bit, reaching out. When she tore the paper, it dissolved into glittering sparkles around her. Inside the box was a long chain with a pinkish silver crescent moon charm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a moon,” Draco needlessly told her in an incredibly stiff voice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As was the Black family tradition, Lola was named for the sky, and Ophelia was one of Uranus’s twenty-seven moons. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Biting her lip, Lola grinned up at him. “Thank you. I love it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right.” He sniffed. “Well, I’ll leave you and Potter to… whatever this is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry spoke up when Draco was out of earshot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was surprisingly nice of him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola rolled her eyes. “He can honestly be a really good person when he forgets that he’s supposed to be some insane blood purist.” She slipped the box into her bag and leaned back against the tree. “I just hope he, like… grows up and realizes that’s all a load of crap. Like Uncle Atlas did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t realize your uncle thought like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola just shrugged. Her uncle had told her all about her family’s dark, bloody history… Or rather, he’d told her as much as was appropriate for someone her age to know, he said. Every year, she learned a little bit more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My grandparents were insane,” Lola said, placing her sketchbook down. “I mean, look at who my other uncle is! A crazy Death Eater with some probably wild dark magic up his sleeve. When the war was happening, Uncle Atlas told me he was too wrapped up in studying ancient Aztec methods of magic in Mexico to pick a side in the war… And, I think, his study of history made him realize that what was happening wasn’t right.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s weird to think about, isn’t it?” Harry said. “That there was a war going on </span>
  <em>
    <span>here</span>
  </em>
  <span>, less than twenty years ago, and we barely know anything about it. I mean, I don’t even know </span>
  <em>
    <span>why</span>
  </em>
  <span> Voldemort was after my parents.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Neither do I,” Lola said, frowning. Then, she laughed a little. “You know, I know nothing about my father, and even less about my mother. Uncle Atlas said my dad died trying to stop Voldemort, but what about my mom? I know even less about her than I do about him. And what about my dad’s friends? I mean, what if our parents knew each other, Harry? What if they were </span>
  <em>
    <span>friends</span>
  </em>
  <span>? We know nothing!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s messed up,” he responded simply. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Messed up didn’t even </span>
  <em>
    <span>begin</span>
  </em>
  <span> to come close to how Lola felt about it. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>please keep in mind that this will be a very draco critical story. i do not believe that he is a completely evil and irredeemable character, but i also don't intend to overlook the severity of most of his actions in the book. the truth is, in canon, we don't actually see draco doing any sort of act of kindness. his most redeemable moments are just him not wanting to kill dumbledore and not giving harry up, which to me are just sort of bare minimum actions. </p><p>also, keep in mind that this story is told from the point of view of a teenage girl with anger issues who once knew her cousin as a sweet kid but has seen the idiot/jerk he's become. that is a big source of conflict to come.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Halloween</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>i never had any friends later on like the ones i had when i was twelve. jesus, does anyone?</p><p>-stand by me // stephen king</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Halloween morning, Lola woke up from an odd dream about dogs, wolves, rats, and stags. Yawning, she sat up and ran her fingers into her hair. She screwed her face up when her fingers tangled in her hair and pulled on her scalp. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola looked to the bed beside her. Fay Dunbar was reading some muggle book, looking at her with a puzzled expression, dark eyebrows were all scrunched up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were, like… mumbling and moving around, like, </span>
  <em>
    <span>a lot</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Fay said. “Nightmare?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola furrowed her eyebrows together, trying to remember the details of her dream. It wasn’t necessarily bad, so she wasn’t sure what she would have been yelling about. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Lola mumbled, pushing herself up. Hermione’s bed, across from hers, was empty and made up. “Something like that.” She stood up, bare feet hitting cold castle stone, and shivered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You going into Hogsmeade today?” Fay asked her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola shook her head. “Harry couldn’t get his slipped signed, and, you know, I didn’t want him to be by himself.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was bad enough that he was the only one from their year that couldn’t go, but today was also the anniversary of his parents’ deaths. She couldn’t leave him like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A small smirk made its way onto Fay’s face. “I see. Well, I’m heading to breakfast now if you wanna come with.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, I gotta shower and stuff. Thanks, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Lola wrapped up in the bathroom, Fay was long gone and she was the only one in the dorm. Sighing, Lola tried to push her dream out of her mind as she dressed. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were waiting for her when she reached the bottom of the stairs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Lola greeted. She let her eyes flicker to Harry’s face. “How’d you lot sleep?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” Harry said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She could tell he was upset. It was written all over his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s just go to breakfast,” Harry continued, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m starving.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>An hour later, Lola and Harry waved their friends off to the carriages that would bring them to Hogsmeade. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Staying, Potter?” Draco called out mockingly. “Scared of passing the dementors?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scowling, Lola tossed up a hand gesture that would have earned her a long lecture from Uncle Atlas if he happened to see. Harry, however, chose to ignore him and dragged Lola towards Gryffindor Tower. When they reached the tower and the portrait hole swung open, the Common Room was full of first and second years, as well as a scattered few upperclassmen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harry! Harry! Hi, Harry!” a small, skinny second-year named Colin Creevy exclaimed, running over to them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stared up at Harry, eyes all wide and moony. The crush he had on Harry was </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> obvious, but kinda cute. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aren’t you going to Hogsmeade, Harry? Why not? Hey— You can come sit with my friends and I if you like.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The kinda cuteness of the crush wore off on Lola. She understood that Harry was, like, </span>
  <em>
    <span>famous</span>
  </em>
  <span> and all. But she was right there. She coughed loudly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hi, Lola!” Colin said, finally noticing her. “You’re staying behind too?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Couldn’t abandon ship like that,” she said, throwing her arm around Harry’s shoulders and grinning down at the boy. “And, we’ve actually got some work to catch up on, but thank you for the offer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And before Colin could get another word in, Lola yanked Harry right back out the portrait hole. They wandered aimlessly through the halls, talking about nonsense. Lola told Harry about her weird dream, and he — in all his new divination expertise, as she jokingly said — had no advice to offer her except that she’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>always</span>
  </em>
  <span> had weird dreams. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you’re, like, a seer,” Harry said. Lola snorted loudly. “No. I mean it. Like, you had a dream about a snake and a diary last summer, and then the Chamber of Secrets happened. You </span>
  <em>
    <span>always</span>
  </em>
  <span> know who’s gonna win a Quidditch match.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t mean anything, though,” Lola said, waving off his suggestion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about all those drawings you made our first year of people with two faces?” Harry said. “Quirrell </span>
  <em>
    <span>literally</span>
  </em>
  <span> had </span>
  <em>
    <span>two</span>
  </em>
  <span> faces.” He stopped walking and rounded on here. “Lola, I’m telling you, you’re five times the seer that Professor Trelawney is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, I’ll talk to my uncle about it and see if it runs in the family, I guess,” Lola said. “Though, I’m more likely to be a metamorphmagus than anything else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My cousin Dora’s one. She can, like, change her appearance however she wants just by thinking it. She graduated the year before we got here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Harry said, frowning. “I didn’t know you had a cousin.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Lola said. “Her mum is sisters with Malfoy’s. They don’t really associate with each other, though, because Aunt Andromeda married a muggleborn which was very not-okay in my family. Her other sister, Bellatrix, was a Death Eater. She’s in Azkaban, though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes Lola forgot how dark the history of her family was. Uncle Atlas really was the lucky one. He got out. He didn’t go dark. She hoped she could take after him, and that the evil gene in her family had passed over her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow,” Harry said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s all I know, really,” Lola said. “Uncle Atlas doesn’t really like to talk about any of his family. It makes him sad, I think.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry swore quietly beneath his breath. “Yeah. It’d make me sad, too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola just laughed. She didn’t know what else to do when it came to this. If she dwelled too much in it, she’d either cry or want to punch something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harry? Lola?” came a voice from inside one of the rooms in the current corridor they were meandering down. Professor Lupin stood at his office door, looking around. “What are you doing? Where are Ron and Hermione?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hogsmeade,” Harry said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah,” Lupin said in a flat voice. He fixed his eyes seriously on Harry and Lola for a moment, lips pursed. “Why don’t you come in? I’ve just taken a delivery of a grindylow for our next lesson.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No way!” Lola gasped before Harry could get the chance to deny the opportunity. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She surged past Lupin and Harry and peered into the tank in Lupin’s office. Sure enough, a very angry looking grindylow was swimming around in the water. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a water demon,” Lupin said. “We shouldn’t have too much difficulty with him, not after the kappas. Lola, do you know the trick?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need to break their fingers,” Lola said, not flinching as the creature bared its green teeth at her and smashed its head against the glass. “The fingers are strong, but really brittle.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Precisely,” Lupin said as the grindylow burrowed itself into a tangle of weeds. “Cup of tea?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All right,” Harry said, just as Lola said, “I don’t like tea.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, sit down. I’ve only got tea bags,” Lupin said, setting up his kettle. “But I daresay you’ve had enough of tea leaves?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola snorted quietly, sinking into a plush chair across from Lupin’s desk. Harry shot her a dirty look as he sat down beside her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did you know about that?” Harry asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Professor McGonagall told me,” Lupin said, passing Harry a steaming mug of tea. “You’re not worried, are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Harry said. “I’ll only be worried when Lola predicts it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola rolled her eyes and snorted once more. “Like I’d tell you, Potter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grinned at her knowingly. Of course, she would tell him. And she would stop it too. If it were up to her, Harry would never die. Everyone in the school knew it; knew that Lola Black tended to be very stupid when it came to Harry Potter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, so you’re a bit of a seer, then, Lola?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harry seems to think I am, at least,” Lola said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lupin smiled thinly. “Well, is anything worrying either of you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola’s mind wandered briefly to her dream. Something about Lupin was just so trusting, open, warm… </span>
  <em>
    <span>fatherlike</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She wanted to tell him, she realized. She opened her mouth to say something, but shut it abruptly when Harry spoke before her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know that day we fought the boggart?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola shivered, Tom Riddle’s face still clear in her mind. She wondered if anyone but Harry, Ron, and Hermione knew they were looking at the face of Voldemort when she took her turn. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you let me fight it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would have thought that obvious, Harry,” Lupin said, sounding surprised. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I assumed that if the boggart faced you it would take the form of Lord Voldemort.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eyes wide, Lola snapped her head towards Harry. Part of her wanted to laugh. Clearly, Lupin had no idea what her boggart meant, then. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, this is ridiculous</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Clearly, I was wrong,” Lupin said apologetically. “But I didn’t think it a good idea for Lord Voldemort to materialize in the staffroom. I imagined that people would panic.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t think of Voldemort,” Harry said. His voice was quiet. “I thought of the dementors.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola bit the corner of her thumbnail and side glanced at Harry. She was glad she missed the dementors, but… </span>
  <em>
    <span>Merlin</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she wished she could have been there for Harry. How she could have possibly protected him </span>
  <em>
    <span>more</span>
  </em>
  <span> than Lupin did, she wasn’t sure. But she still wished she’d been there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, you’ve been thinking that I didn’t believe you capable of fighting the boggart?” Lupin surmised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, yeah,” Harry said, a bit embarrassed. “Professor Lupin, you know the dementors—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whatever Harry had been planning on saying was interrupted by a knock on the door. It swung open and Snape entered, holding a smoking goblet. He caught sight of her and Harry and stopped, narrowing his black eyes. Sticking her chin up, Lola sat straight in her seat and glared. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, Severus,” Lupin said, smiling at the man. “Thanks very much. Could you leave it here on the desk for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Silently, Snape set the goblet down, eyes wavering between Lupin and Lola and Harry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lupin gestured to the tank mildly. “I was just showing Harry and Lola the grindylow for our next lesson.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fascinating,” Snape said dryly, not even glancing at the creature. “I’d drink that directly, Lupin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, yes I will.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I made an entire cauldronful,” Snape said. “If you need more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Curiously, Lola peered over the desk at the goblet. The smoke was pale blue and Lola could barely see the contents beneath the smoke, though the liquid itself appeared clear and without much of a sheen. She’d never seen a potion like that before. Lupin snatched the potion up and downed it in a single gulp before Lola could ask about it. Pursing her lips, she made a mental note to look it up later.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Disgusting,” Lupin said, with a small shudder. “Well, you two, I’d better get back to work. I’ll see you at the feast later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right,” Harry said. He looped a hand around Lola’s bicep and yanked her upwards. “Bye.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Harry pulled her out of the office, Lola noticed that the goblet was still billowing with smoke.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>at the core of her character, lola is a good friend - probably the best friend someone could have. i really hope that shines through in these chapters. she's impulsive, a little rude, and has some definite anger management issues, but at her essence she is just Good. i love this funky little character that i've created and i hope you guys do too.</p><p>thank you all for the kudos on these last few chapters! please comment and review too if you have the time!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Feast Gone Wrong</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>...a passionate, fragmentary girl, maybe?</p><p>-sylvia plath</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>When Hermione and Ron returned from Hogsmeade, the sun already started to set. The sky was a brilliant shade of orange outside the expansive windows of Gryffindor Tower as Ron dumped a ginormous bag of cherry flavored lollipops and sour chews in her lap. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Happy bloody Birthday,” he grunted. “That thing was heavy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks!” Lola chirped, unwrapping a lollipop and sticking it in her mouth. “How was it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hermione and Ron launched into an elaborate description of the little town. Lola was most curious about Zonko’s Joke Shop. She’d heard </span>
  <em>
    <span>all</span>
  </em>
  <span> about it from Fred and George and would definitely be making a stop at the next trip; Harry had already threatened to never speak to her again if she didn’t agree to go to the next Hogsmeade trip. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you two do?” Hermione asked. “Did you get any work done?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola snorted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Lupin made us tea in his office,” Harry answered. “And then Snape came in—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He then launched into a </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> colorful description of the encounter. By the end, Ron was staring at them with wide eyes and an open mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lupin drank it?” he gasped. “Is he mad?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola just shrugged. “I’m gonna go bring this upstairs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She chucked the bag haphazardly onto her bed and sprinted back downstairs. As she did, she could hear her uncle’s warning in her head. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t run with that in your mouth, Ophelia!</span>
  </em>
  <span> She ignored that little voice and flopped back down on the couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’d better go down,” Hermione said as soon as she did. “The feast’ll be starting in five minutes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola groaned at having to get up again and held out her hands. Hermione grabbed her wrists and yanked her up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But if he — you know—” Hermione’s voice dropped several octaves below what it typically was as they exited the common room and joined the masses. It took Lola a minute to understand what Hermione was getting at before remembering they were still on the Snape-Lupin thing. “If he </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> trying to — to poison Lupin — he wouldn’t have done it in front of Lola and Harry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Or maybe he would,” Lola said, pulling the lollipop from her mouth with a rather loud and obnoxious </span>
  <em>
    <span>pop</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “I mean, no one would assume Snape if he committed the crime in front of two students.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her friends stared at her blankly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s— Let’s just eat,” Harry muttered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As always, the Halloween feast was the best of the year. And, as always, Lola neglected most of the nutritious foods for the candies and desserts. She’d wolfed down three caramel apples, a whole bottle of cider (plus a goblet of pumpkin juice), and several large handfuls of various sweets by the end of the feast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re going to be so sick tonight,” Hermione told her, nose wrinkled, as they made their way back to the common room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola shrugged and licked a spot of caramel off her thumb. “Worth it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry snickered beside her, which had her grinning ear to ear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>On the walk back to the common room, the corridors got more and more crowded the closer they got. When they reached the actual corridor that ended with their portrait hole, it was jammed with students.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why isn’t anyone going in?” Ron asked, standing up on his toes to peer over everyone’s heads.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola was taller than most of the kids in her year — which wasn’t saying much, Uncle Atlas kept reminding her that the boys would get a lot taller within the next couple years — but she couldn’t even see anything on her toes. All she could tell was that the portrait seemed to be closed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe she’s gone off to another portrait to celebrate Halloween,” Lola suggested, going back down to flat feet. “I don’t think she’s in there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would she do that?” Ron asked with a scowl. “She knows we need to get in there! It’s her bloody job, isn’t it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola just shrugged. At that very moment, Percy started to shove his way through the crowd.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me through, please,” he said, sounding very self important. “What’s the holdup here? You can’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>all</span>
  </em>
  <span> have forgotten the password — Excuse me, I’m Head Boy—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, silence. Something in Lola’s lower gut twisted. Whatever came next, she knew it wasn’t going to be very fun. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Somebody get Professor Dumbledore. Quick.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola watched a seventh year girl named Heather push aside a trio of first-years to get out. A lengthy moment later, Heather returned with Professor Dumbledore. The Gryffindors all squeezed to the sides to let him through and Lola took this opportunity to sprint forward and get closer to the action.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, Lola thought miserably when she saw what the actual cause of commotion was, I was right about her not being here. The Fat Lady had vanished, but that was hardly the root of the troubles. The portrait had been absolutely ruined — slashed viciously into shreds of canvas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola hadn’t even realized her friends had pushed their way through as well until she heard Hermione squeak out a tiny </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh, my!”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Harry grabbed her arm and tugged her backwards to let McGonagall, Snape, Lupin, and Uncle Atlas through. Blood roared in Lola’s ears. She knew who did this. She knew it, and she knew she wasn’t wrong. Her throat constricted, bile scourged her insides — Oh, she was going to be sick. Uncle Atlas and Lupin were staring at each other, seemingly having a silent conversation with just their eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We need to find her,” Dumbledore said, his voice even more somber than the time he spoke to Lola and Harry after the events in the Chamber of Secrets last term. “Professor McGonagall, please go to Mr. Filch at once and tell him to search every painting in the castle for the Fat Lady.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be lucky!” Peeves’s oily voice cackled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola glanced up. Peeves was upside-down, bobbing over their heads. He looked utterly delighted at the wreckage before him. Normally, Lola would find it funny — but not now. Not for this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean, Peeves?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “Ashamed, Your Headship, sir. Doesn’t want to be seen. She’s a horrible mess. Saw her running through the landscape up on the fourth floor, sir, dodging between the trees. Crying something dreadful,” he said happily. Then, rather unconvincingly, he added: “Poor thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>God</span>
  </em>
  <span>, if he was corporeal… Lola would send her fist right into his face, or his throat, or both. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did she say who did it?” Dumbledore asked quietly, though Lola had a feeling he knew just as well as she did who did it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yes, Professorhead,” Peeves said. His voice was far more careful than Lola had ever heard it, but there was something malevolent in his tone. “He got very angry when she wouldn’t let him in, you see.” Peeves flipped over and grinned at Dumbledore from between his own legs. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Yup, there’s that malevolence</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “Nasty temper he’s got, that Sirius Black.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hermione gasped sharply and grabbed Lola’s hand. Lola didn’t look at her friends, though. She kept her eyes trained on Uncle Atlas, begging him to look at her. When he finally did, when his gray eyes met hers, he frowned deeply. Gulping, Lola made to move forward. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uncle Atl—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then: “Students! Go back to the Great Hall immediately!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then came the pandemonium. Students shoved back and forth, everyone itching to be the first to reach the Great Hall. Though she could see in front of her, Lola felt blind. She stayed clutching to Harry and Hermione. Ron’s hand was on her shoulder, she thought. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Good</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Within minutes, the rest of the Houses rejoined them in the Great Hall. The Slytherin, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff students were buzzing, confused. Somewhere to the left of her, Lola could hear Fay Dunbar talking with Justin Finch-Fletchley about what happened. Lola still felt like she was in a tunnel of fuzzy, humming darkness though. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The teachers and I need to conduct a thorough search of the castle,” Dumbledore announced to them as McGonagall and Flitwick closed the doors.  “I’m afraid that, for your own safety, you will have to spend the night here. I want the prefects to stand guard over the entrances to the hall and I am leaving the Head Boy and Girl in charge. Any disturbance should be reported to me immediately. Send word with one of the ghosts.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola was </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> not looking forward to sleeping on the cold, stone floor. Dumbledore made way to the doors, paused, and turned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yes. You’ll be needing…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He waved his wand and conjured up hundreds of squashy, comfortable looking purple sleeping bags. In the same flourish of the wand, all the tables wooshed away. Though the way he spoke in riddles annoyed her most of the time, Lola wished she could be as good at magic as Dumbledore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wish we could’ve changed into pajamas,” Lola muttered in Hermione’s ear as Ron dragged them to a corner. “I still have my bra on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite the heaviness of the situation, Hermione snickered. Lola’s chest bloomed with bright warmth at the sound. If even in the most dire of situations she could make her friends laugh, that was all she needed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think he’s still here?” Lola found herself asking, staring straight up at the magic stars on the ceiling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>If she looked close enough, she could make out the Sirius constellation — the one her treasonous uncle was named for. When she was a kid Uncle Atlas made sure she knew all the constellations. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s a Black right of passage to know the map of stars,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> he told her years ago. Then, he pointed to a cluster of stars. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“That’s Orion. My father was named for those stars. All us Blacks are.”</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Where’s the Ophelia star?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Lola asked, mouth open in awe.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Ophelia’s not a star. Ophelia’s a moon.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Then Uncle Atlas placed his hands on her head and directed her eyesight to something she couldn’t see, but he was pointing. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“There. You’re right there.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She could remember him telling her about Sirius, the Dog Star. He’d looked sad as he did, but she hadn’t questioned it at six years old. Of course, now she knew why. He’d been mourning the man his brother was. Back then, she hadn't even known about Sirius Black. She wanted to rip her eyes away from the Dog Star, but she couldn’t. Once upon a time, that had been her </span>
  <em>
    <span>favorite</span>
  </em>
  <span> star. If she couldn’t have a puppy, she might as well love the star for all dogs. But now, her favorite star was tainted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dumbledore obviously thinks he might be,” Ron said, bringing Lola back down to earth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s very lucky he picked tonight, you know,” Hermione said, propping herself onto her elbows. “The one night we weren’t in the tower…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I reckon he’s lost track of time, being on the run,” Ron muttered a bit darkly. “Didn’t realize it was Halloween. Otherwise he’d have come bursting in here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The image of a prison-crazed man firing off a stolen wand shot through Lola’s consciousness. People laid dead around her. Most importantly, Harry laid dead in her arms. Uncle Atlas was dead and bloody to the left of her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” Lola said very suddenly, squeezing her eyes shut. “I’m going to sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before she drifted off to dream again of wolves and dogs and stags and rats, the last thing imprinted on the insides of her eyelids was the Dog Star.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sorry it took so long to post! there's a lot of crazy shit going on in my personal life with my parents' divorce and me trying to find a new home for our dog since my dad refuses to take care of it and the apartment my mom, my sisters, and i just got doesn't allow dogs as big as scooby is. </p><p>please let me know what you think of this chapter and what your predictions and theories are! i'd love to hear it, especially since i have up to chapter fifty written!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. We Just Can't Catch a Break, Can We?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>i was something else, not a girl, not a wolf, something blank-eyed, tired… </p><p>-the bread we eat in dreams // catherynne m. valente</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>In the morning, when they were finally allowed back in the common room, Harry pulled Lola aside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I heard Snape and Dumbledore talking last night,” he said lowly. “I think Snape was trying to convince Dumbledore that your uncle helped Black get in.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola scowled. “Uncle Atlas would </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span>—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Harry said. “Dumbledore didn’t buy it. I just… I figured I should tell you.” There was a somewhat awkward silence between the two of them for a moment. Then, he said, “I think he was trying to throw Lupin under the bus, too, if that makes you feel better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t,” Lola said, biting back a smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry had never been very good at comforting people, but she really did appreciate the effort. He flushed a little, but he didn’t hide his smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Over the next few days, Sirius Black was all anyone could talk about. Back in September people had put two and two together, and realized that Uncle Atlas was Sirius Black’s brother. And, in turn, that Sirius Black was also Lola’s uncle. One second year in her house had even brought up the courage to ask if Sirius Black was her </span>
  <em>
    <span>father</span>
  </em>
  <span>. If not for Hermione holding her back, Lola would have slapped the kid. She had yelled in his face, though. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“He’s my uncle, dipshit!”</span>
  </em>
  <span> She’d remember him, though. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“McGonagall tried to get me to stop going to Quidditch practice,” Harry said, falling into one of the plush common room chairs. “Can you believe it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I mean, Sirius Black is trying to kill you and he did manage to get on the school grounds,” Lola said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Since when are you the rational one?” Ron shot at her with a scowl. “Leave that to Hermione!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Glaring, Hermione whacked him over the head with a cushion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s going to ask Madame Hooch to oversee our practices,” Harry continued, ignoring Ron and Hermione’s bickering. “Why does this always happen to me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola just shrugged, trying to make sense of the words in her History of Magic text book. Uncle Atlas had assigned a particularly tricky assignment, and he was offering her no help on it. Something about </span>
  <em>
    <span>favoritism</span>
  </em>
  <span> and it </span>
  <em>
    <span>not being fair</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Lola thought it was a load of crap. He was her uncle, </span>
  <em>
    <span>of course</span>
  </em>
  <span> he should show her favoritism! To suggest anything else was just absurd.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna do this later,” she muttered. She snapped the book shut with the questions she had to answer inside and tossed it onto the floor. “I don’t care about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lola, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> lectured me and told me I needed to pay better attention in class,” Ron said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I changed my mind because this is too hard.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She reached down into her bag and grabbed the journal Hermione gave her for her birthday. She’d started writing down notes to figure out what exactly that potion Lupin had taken was. Perhaps it was invasive (as Hermione told her), but Lola was bored and this was the only mystery she had so far this year. And after the wild ride of last year, she was getting a bit bored.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>[</b>
  <span> … </span>
  <b>]</b>
  
</p><p>
  <span>On Thursday night, Harry returned from Quidditch practice a wet, muddy mess to announce that Gryffindor was playing against Hufflepuff instead of Slytherin in Saturday’s match. He’d been so upset that Lola had to practically shove dinner down his throat. By lunch on Friday, though, he was seeming more like himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was unfortunate, though, that everyone would only talk about Quidditch, because Oliver Wood stopped Harry on their way to Defense Against the Dark Arts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re gonna be late,” she muttered, yanking on his sleeve. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just one more thing,” Oliver said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Lola said. “Find him tonight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not letting the older boy get another word in, she pulled Harry forward and started running. He laughed loudly as Oliver shouted something about Cedric Diggory, the Hufflepuff Seeker, after them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How late do you think we are?” Harry asked once they skidded to a stop outside the classroom. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola’s eyes scanned the corridor for a clock. When she saw the time, she grimaced. “Ten minutes. Time to grovel.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With that, she yanked the door open and dashed inside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry we’re late, Professor Lupin, we—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry stopped speaking once they both realized that Lupin was not the professor stationed at the desk. Instead, it was stupid, slimy Snape. Lola briefly considered pretending to faint and getting rushed off to the hospital wing instead of having to deal with Snape.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This lesson began ten minutes ago, Potter, Black. So, I think we’ll make it twenty points from Gryffindor. Sit down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Merlin, we just can’t catch a break can we?” Lola muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry shot her a glare, as if to tell her to be quiet. Neither of them moved to their seats.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s Professor Lupin?” Harry asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He says he is feeling too ill to teach today,” Snape said with a twisted smile, as if he </span>
  <em>
    <span>liked</span>
  </em>
  <span> that Lupin was sick. “I believe I told you to sit down?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong with him?” she asked, keeping herself planted in the aisle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Snape scowled at her. “Nothing life threatening,” he sneered. He looked like he wished whatever was effecting Lupin was life threatening. “Five more points from Gryffindor, and if I have to ask you again it will be fifty.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry yanked on the sleeve of Lola’s robe and dragged her towards their table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not worth the trouble,” he muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She scowled and dropped her books loudly with a huff. Glaring at Snape, she made a big huff of noisily taking her stuff out. Harry was biting back a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As I was saying before Potter and Black interrupted, Professor Lupin has not left any record of the topics you have covered so far—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, sir,” Hermione spoke up. “We’ve done boggarts, Red Caps, kappas, and grindylows, and we were just about to start—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Be quiet.” Snape dismissed Hermione with a cold glare. “I did not ask for information. I was merely commenting on Professor Lupin’s lack of organization.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s the best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher we’ve had!” Dean spoke up boldly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola turned back, met his eyes, and grinned. Snape, however, looked more angry and menacing than Lola had ever seen him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are easily satisfied. Lupin is hardly overtaxing you — I would expect first years to be able to deal with Red Caps and grindylows. Today we shall discuss—” He trailed off and flipped to the last chapter of their textbook. “— werewolves.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola scrunched her nose up. Why werewolves, of all things Snape knew they wouldn’t have covered yet? Something about it didn’t sit right with her. She shifted in her seat, beginning to feel very uncomfortable. Again, the idea of pretending to faint flitted through her mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But, sir,” Hermione spoke up again. Lola cringed, not looking forward to the fallout. “We’re not supposed to do werewolves yet, we’re due to start hinkypunks—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss Granger,” Snape said, black eyes glaring down at Hermione as he spoke in a deadly calm. “I was under the impression that I am teaching this lesson, not you. And I am telling you all to turn to page 394.” He glanced around again. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>All</span>
  </em>
  <span> of you! </span>
  <em>
    <span>Now</span>
  </em>
  <span>!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rolling her eyes, Lola flipped her book open. Harry glanced at her and mockingly mouthed Snape’s words. She sucked in her cheeks so that she wouldn’t start laughing and lose Gryffindor any further points. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Which one of you can tell me how we distinguish between the werewolf and true wolf?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola knew the answer, but she wasn’t about to fold under the pressure. It felt like a betrayal to Lupin. Hermione, however, had her hand up in the air. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyone?” Snape said, very much ignoring Hermione — which made Lola’s insides boil. His face twisted into yet another sinister smile. “Are you telling me that Professor Lupin hasn’t even taught you the basic distinction between—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We told you,” Parvati said in a sudden, uncharacteristic outburst that made Lola like her all the more, “we haven’t gotten as far as werewolves yet. We’re still on—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Silence</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” Snape snarled. “Well, well, well, I never thought I’d meet a third-year class who wouldn’t even recognize a werewolf when they saw one. I shall make a point of informing Professor Dumbledore how very behind you all are…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola curled her right hand into a fist. She didn’t really fancy herself a violent person, but she would have </span>
  <em>
    <span>loved</span>
  </em>
  <span> to slam that fist into Snape’s stupid face. What good did it even do him to be such a horrible person? What did he gain from it? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, sir,” Hermione said. Her hand was still straight up in the air. “The werewolf differs from the true wolf in several small ways. The snout of the werewolf—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is the second time you have spoken out of turn, Miss Granger,” Snape said coolly. “Five more points from Gryffindor for being an insufferable know-it-all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola scowled. Hermione’s face burned and she stared down at her book, arms crossed. Lola could tell there were tears in her eyes. Everyone in the class was glaring at Snape like they wished he’d just drop dead — which was honestly a miracle, because they’d all called Hermione a know-it-all before. Ron spoke up before Lola got the chance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You asked us a question and she knows the answer! Why ask if you don’t want to be told?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was probably best that Ron spoke up instead of her, because while Ron definitely went too far, Lola would have been far more vicious in her words. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Snape snapped his book shut and advanced on Ron. He put his face very close to Ron’s and sneered. “Detention, Weasley. And if I ever hear you criticize the way I teach a class again, you will be very sorry indeed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the rest of the lesson, no one spoke. They all merely took down notes on the werewolf chapter from the book as Snape went through the papers on Lupin’s desk and made snide remarks aloud. Lola had often gotten a lot of flack from people for being disrespectful — and Snape was the leader of that particular movement — but she couldn’t help but grit her teeth at the irony of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the bell finally rang to release them from the prison of Snape’s classroom, he held them back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You will each write an essay, to be handed in to me, on the ways you recognize and kill werewolves. I want two rolls of parchment on the subject, and I want them by Monday morning. It is time somebody took this class in hand. Weasley, stay behind, we need to arrange your detention.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola’s jaw dropped and that was the last straw. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Killing werewolves?” she exclaimed. “That— What is </span>
  <em>
    <span>wrong</span>
  </em>
  <span> with you? Killing them? They’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>people</span>
  </em>
  <span>, just like us! So </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span> if they turn into a wolf once a month for a few hours? Most werewolves aren’t like the ones we read about in this textbook, and—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did I say about questioning the way I teach my class, Black?” Snape hissed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola wouldn’t back down. “You’re just perpetuating the myth that all werewolves are bloodthirsty killers!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get </span>
  <em>
    <span>out</span>
  </em>
  <span> of my classroom,” Snape snarled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry pulled Lola backwards before she could fire off any more arguments. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I swear, you’re going to get him to snap and kill you,” Harry said in her ear as the rest of the class burst into a furious tirade against Snape. “But, really, Snape’s never been like this with any of our other Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers, even if he did want the job. Why’s he got it in for Lupin? D’you think this is all because of the boggart?”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola and Hermione exchanged dubious glances over Harry’s head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s gotta be more than that. This is, like… a </span>
  <em>
    <span>deep</span>
  </em>
  <span> hatred, like you and Draco,” Lola said. She pursed her lips and leaned her back against the wall. “Maybe they were rivals in school, or something? Lupin looks like he’s my uncle’s age, and my uncle and Snape were in the same year.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Snape’s only thirty-three?” Harry asked, looking horrified. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hermione giggled into her hand. “He does look </span>
  <em>
    <span>awful</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ron emerged from the classroom a few minutes later in a rage. Knowing he was about to say something that would get them all in trouble, Lola grabbed his arm and started walking so they could get some distance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know what that </span>
  <em>
    <span>complete</span>
  </em>
  <span> twat—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ron!” Hermione exclaimed, absolutely scandalized. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“— is making me do? I’ve got to scrub out the bedpans in the hospital wing. Without magic!” He was breathing deeply, his fists clenched. “Why couldn’t Black have hidden in Snape’s office, eh? He could have finished him off for us!” </span>
</p><p><span>Unable to help herself, Lola let out a sharp laugh while Hermione chastised Ron for that </span><em><span>absolutely</span></em> <em><span>not</span></em><span> being a joking matter. Harry caught her eye and grinned. </span></p><p>
  <span>“Oh, chill out, Hermione,” Lola said, throwing her arm around Ron’s shoulders. “If we can’t joke about it, it’ll only make the fear worse. Or whatever it is Dumbledore says about Voldemort.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Those are two completely different things!” Hermione argued. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, blimey, you’re right. Voldemort’s killed </span>
  <em>
    <span>way</span>
  </em>
  <span> more people than my uncle, and, come to think of it, after these last two years he’s probably a way bigger threat to us than Sirius Black! I’m sorry, Hermione. I’ll do better. I won’t joke about—” She lowered her voice and looked around dramatically. “— </span>
  <em>
    <span>You-Know-Who</span>
  </em>
  <span> anymore.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hermione looked extremely unamused while Ron and Harry stifled laughter into their hands. Glaring, Hermione hissed, “You know, you’re not as funny as you think you are,” before she stormed away in a huff. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stunned, Lola watched after her best friend. A funny sinking feeling settled in her chest. Ron clasped a hand on her shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, Lola. I think you’re plenty funny.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffed sharply. “Thanks, Ron.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sorry for taking so long to get this chapter up. i've had a lot going on these last couple weeks. anyways...</p><p>thank you all for the kudos, and the few of you that have commented. i get so excited when i get a notification that someone has left a kudos or commented. it really makes my day.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Dementors in the Pitch</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>there seemed to be something tragic in a friendship so coloured by romance.</p><p>-the picture of dorian gray // oscar wilde</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“I have a really bad feeling about this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lola, it’s just rain.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry’s words were punctuated by a shockingly loud burst of thunder. Glaring, Lola crossed her arms and stomped after him, her yellow muggle rain boots squeaking against the stone floor of the castle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re the one who said you’d only believe in prophecies, or whatever, if they were coming from me!” she yelped, drawing looks from various students as she followed him into the Great Hall. “So, listen to me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you expect me to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Say you can’t play!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wood would kill me! If everyone else is playing, so am I.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Harry</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” Lola groaned. “This is such a bad idea. I just— I feel </span>
  <em>
    <span>cold</span>
  </em>
  <span>. And Hufflepuff’s probably gonna win anyway, so what’s the point?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry, huffing, spun on his heel and stopped in front of her. He crossed his arms and glared. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re my best friend, but you can’t tell me what to do!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola matched his glare and then doubled it. “Harry, you’re going to get </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurt</span>
  </em>
  <span>!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be crazy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She reared back at that. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Crazy</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She scoffed and took a tiny step backwards. “Fine. Have fun at the match without me. I won’t stand around and watch.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you joking?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, actually. I’m not.” She turned sharply and stocked off. Fuming with anger, she turned back to Harry at the last minute and snapped, “And don’t even </span>
  <em>
    <span>think</span>
  </em>
  <span> about haunting me when you </span>
  <em>
    <span>die</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She watched his mouth drop right before she turned back around. At least she had that small bit of satisfaction. On her way back to the tower, she stormed past several housemates, but she paid them no mind as they shouted to ask where she was going. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>If he thinks I’m </span>
  </em>
  <span>crazy</span>
  <em>
    <span>, why would I sit in the bloody freezing rain for him?</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>As Uncle Atlas said, it was a Black family trait to be over dramatic and volatile. Lola never minded that before, but now, as she laid in her bed listening to the roar of the rain, she wished she had a more mild temper. It was too late for her to go to the match, and it would be too difficult to find Ron and Hermione in this weather. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No, she’d stay exactly where she was and let Harry apologize to her at dinner. Even if she did end up being wrong about something happening at the match. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No way</span>
  </em>
  <span> would she apologize. What would she apologize for anyway? She was just worried about Harry! </span>
  <em>
    <span>He</span>
  </em>
  <span> was the one who decided to throw insults into the mix and call her </span>
  <em>
    <span>crazy</span>
  </em>
  <span>! </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll show him crazy</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she thought bitterly, crossing her arms over her chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She spent the entirety of the match staring up at her canopy, stewing in her anger and ignoring the uneasy feeling in her stomach. It wasn’t until Hermione burst through the door, sopping wet, that Lola moved at all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harry fell off his broom!” Hermione gasped. “De—Dementors broke into the pitch and— He passed out!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All the anger slipped out of Lola’s veins and was replaced by immense guilt. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t even think about haunting me when you die</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Those could have been her last words to him! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is— Is he—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dumbledore brought him to the Hospital Wing,” Hermione told her, teeth chattering. “He’s okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nodding, Lola grabbed blindly for her wand on her bedside table and stood up. Before leaving, she stopped Hermione. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Aridae</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A burst of hot air shot out of Lola’s wand and dried off Hermione’s clothes and hair. Though, it did make her hair a little more frizzy than normal and left the mud. Lola just hoped Hermione wouldn’t notice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Hermione said. “Shall we?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wordlessly, Lola looped her arm through Hermione’s. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the Hospital Wing, Harry was knocked out cold against the pristine white sheets of one of the beds with Ron and the Gryffindor Quidditch team surrounding him. Lola shoved Katie and George aside to get to Harry’s bedside. Other than some minor scrapes on his face, he seemed fine. A small, strangled breath passed from Lola’s lips and she slumped against Hermione’s shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lucky the ground was so soft,” Fred muttered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought he was dead for sure,” Angelina said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But he didn’t even break his glasses,” Lola whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He’s okay</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He’s fine. You don’t even need to repair his frames. Calm down.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She kept her eyes trained on his face, terrified that he would just disappear. She thought of the hooded dementors, their long, spindly fingers sharp in her mind. A violent shiver trickled down her spine. Lola crossed her arms and tucked her hands under her armpits. Slowly, Harry’s eyes blinked open. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harry!” Fred exclaimed. “How’re you feeling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened?” Harry asked, sitting up suddenly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hermione gasped sharply beside Lola. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You fell off. Must’ve been — what — fifty feet?” Fred answered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We thought you’d died,” Alicia added on, shaking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But the match… What happened? Are we doing a replay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola’s stomach lurched. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Of course</span>
  </em>
  <span> all he cared about was Quidditch. She wanted to grab him by his shoulders and scream. When would he just care about himself? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We didn’t — </span>
  <em>
    <span>lose</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry’s eyes caught Lola’s and for a moment she knew they were both thinking the same thing. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hufflepuff’s probably gonna win anyway</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She’d been right about that, and right about something bad happening. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Diggory got the Snitch,” George said, but Lola tuned him out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her mind conjured up a horrible image of Harry falling through the air and it replayed for what seemed to be an eternity. She didn’t snap back to reality until Madam Pomfrey shuffled over to tell everyone to leave him in peace. Lola stayed where she stood; as did Ron and Hermione.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As her friends spoke, she couldn’t bring herself to say anything. Even as Ron showed Harry the splinters of his faithful broomstick, she bit her tongue. Hot tears stung her eyes, threatening to spill down her cheeks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I’ll go shower this mud off,” Ron said. Lola was fairly certain he was looking at her, but she was too focused on the broken remnants of the Nimbus. “Hermione?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah.” Hermione hummed. “Lola, do you—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Lola swallowed thickly. “I— I’ll meet you up there later.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once they were gone she sank into a chair by Harry’s bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you,” she said, voice hoarse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he said. “I should’ve listened.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She bit her lip and gnawed on the soft flesh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Harry said, breaking the silence. “I shouldn’t have called you crazy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you shouldn’t have.” She sniffed loudly and pulled her knees to her chest. “I’m sorry for telling you not to haunt me when you die. Obviously, you better haunt me if you die first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A shaky grin spread across his face. “Only if you promise the same.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Duh</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes strayed from him to the destroyed Nimbus. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry about your broom. Maybe we can try and fix it!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry shot her a look and they both knew what it meant. Some things just couldn’t be fixed by magic; some things were just far too broken. And the Nimbus was one of those. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could always buy a new one?” she suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Order one via post!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t take out enough money from Gringotts this summer.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola frowned, trying to think something up. “Oh, I know! Over Christmas break, what if I got Uncle Atlas to take us into Diagon Alley? Of course, you’d have to do all your practices on the school’s old Shooting Stars, but Gryffindor doesn’t actually have any games until after the holidays.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry looked aghast. “I can’t practice on a Cleansweep!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola scrunched her nose. “Don’t be such a classist, Harry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She rolled her eyes. “A classist! It’s someone who, like, </span>
  <em>
    <span>hates </span>
  </em>
  <span>poor people. Draco is totally one.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh! Don’t compare me to him.” Harry stuck out his tongue. “And, I don’t hate poor people. What kind of accusation is that, anyway?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola shrugged a bit flippantly. “I’m just letting you know what you sound like.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were silent for a moment, eyes locked in a most serious battle. At the same time, they broke and devolved into fits of giggles. Once the giggles died down, Lola got up and plopped herself down on the bed, ignoring the way Harry winced when her butt landed on his shin. She put on the most empathetic smile she could muster and grabbed his hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll figure out your broom situation.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry’s lips quirked upwards. “You know, you’ve come a long way from the kid that used to kick sand in people’s eyes during recess.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His face cracked into a grin as she scowled and he squeezed her hand maybe a little too tight.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>all friendship is romantic! all friendship is tragic! that is my thesis for this story. </p><p>this chapter also sets forth a HUGE arc for this story and lola and i'm so excited to explore it with you guys. please let me know your thoughts!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Too Much of Your Father in You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>when i was a kid, an adult told me i had the heart of a scorpion. they said this to describe my selfishness. </p><p>-fiona apple</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Over the weekend, Lola had only left the hospital wing when Madam Pomfrey physically forced her out. With how utterly dejected Harry looked, Lola considered faking an illness or flinging herself down the stairs and breaking a bone so that she could be with him. However, Hermione had told Lola in a very stern voice that if she did anything stupid or reckless, she would never forgive her. Lola knew that wasn’t true, but she also didn’t think a lecture from Hermione was worth it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Monday morning, Lola made her way down to breakfast after her friends because she refused to be shaken awake by Hermione. In fact, she only woke up after stupid Crookshanks sank his claws into her leg. Unfortunately, her lateness meant that she ended up face to face with her cousin and his cronies. He’d taken off his stupid bandages from the well deserved Buckbeak attack and was using both arms to his advantage to make fun of Harry falling from his broom. Boiling, Lola balled her hands into fists at her side and stomped over to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>What</span>
  </em>
  <span> is your problem, you sack of pus?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Draco rounded on her, looking quite offended. He quickly pushed that aside before anyone other than her noticed.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” He smirked. “Don’t think your boyfriend can stick up for himself?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola was sure if she was a cartoon character that smoke would be billowing out of her ears. It took every bit of strength within her not to tackle Draco to the ground like she would have when they were children. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> my boyfriend!” She groaned and jabbed her finger into his chest. “And that is beside the point, you— you… </span>
  <em>
    <span>shithead</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, resorting to muggle insults are we?” Draco sneered. “You can do better than that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Draco, I swear to Merlin—” Lola’s voice lowered itself into a raspy growl. “— if you so much as even </span>
  <em>
    <span>look</span>
  </em>
  <span> at Harry, I will make you regret the day you were born. There were a hundred dementors on the Quidditch pitch and it’s a bloody miracle he didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>die</span>
  </em>
  <span>! If I even see you </span>
  <em>
    <span>breathe</span>
  </em>
  <span> in his direction, I will hex you all the way into the next </span>
  <em>
    <span>century</span>
  </em>
  <span>! And I know some </span>
  <em>
    <span>nasty</span>
  </em>
  <span> spells.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The corridor had been vacated by Draco’s friends. This was a family matter, and his housemates were at the very least intelligent enough to have learned that by now. The cousins were left alone, with no more shows to put on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah?” Draco sneered. “You’re too much of a coward to use a spell book from the Black library.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola was too angry to realize he was goading her into a fight. Her wand was pointed right in Draco’s face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Malfoy! Black!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The oily voice of Snape stopped Lola short in her tracks. She groaned inwardly, knowing she was in for a world of hurt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She tried to attack me, Professor!” Draco simpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did not!” Lola yelled. “He goaded me into it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did not!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You so did! You’re such a prick, Draco!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Merlin, I can’t believe we’re related!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two teenagers screamed each other hoarse in the corridor, neither of them caring for Professor Snape’s presence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What seems to be the issue here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pleasant voice of Professor Lupin was a very welcome presence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sir,” Lola began. This time it was her simpering. “Draco was being </span>
  <em>
    <span>such</span>
  </em>
  <span> a bully!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you mad?” Draco howled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Enough!” Snape bellowed. “Detention. Both of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola and Draco shared a look. Then, at the same time, they groaned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perhaps, Severus, you should handle Mr. Malfoy’s detention, and I will take care of Ms. Black’s. It seems best to keep them separated for now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Snape glowered. “Very well, Lupin.” He turned back to Draco and frowned. “With me, Malfoy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola glared at the back of Draco’s blond head until he disappeared from sight. She pocketed her wand once more and crossed her arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Snape’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>totally</span>
  </em>
  <span> gonna tell my uncle, and there’s no way Draco isn’t gonna write home making up some</span>
  <em>
    <span> dreadful</span>
  </em>
  <span> lie about me, Professor. I’m gonna be in so much trouble with Uncle Atlas!” Lola put on her best woe-is-me frown and gave Lupin her first-rate kicked puppy dog eyes. “You know, I’m not sure detention is what’s best for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Surprisingly, Lupin smiled at her. He didn’t give her that disappointed old person look that most of the adults in Lola’s life did. There was a certain glimmer in his eyes that made her think, for some reason, that he didn’t think she was a lost cause. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, now, Lola,” he said in a very stern voice. It sounded a bit wobbly, though, like he wasn’t used to having to speak in such a manner. “What kind of professor would I be if I didn’t follow through?” Then, he grinned. “Don’t worry. I’m sure your cousin will have a far more dreadful time with Snape.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola pinched her lips together. “You’re not gonna make me scrub bedpans, are you? Filch made me do that by hand and without magic one time first year and it was the worst thing to ever happen to me!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure I’ll think of something properly responsible.” Lupin grinned the grin of a troublemaker, and Lola got the sense that he might have spent a lot of time in detention himself when he was her age. “Now, would you like to get a glimpse at the hinkypunk for today’s lesson?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>[</b>
  <span> … </span>
  <b>]</b>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Once the novel awe of seeing a hinkypunk up close wore off, Lola helped Lupin set up for the lesson. She’d been given the very important task of carrying the tank. Though, it was only when she put the tank down did she realize that Lupin meant for her to physically carry it as opposed to levitating it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, I see Professor Flitwick wasn’t exaggerating when he said you were his best student,” Lupin remarked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola felt her cheeks burn up. “He said that?” She didn’t recognize the giddiness in her own voice. “Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lupin nodded solemnly. “Oh, yes. He’s very fond of you, despite your proclivity for causing ruckuses in class.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite herself, Lola grinned. “I knew he found my ruckuses charming!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lupin let out a quiet chuckle and used his own wordless spell to levitate the tank to the center of the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See what I did there? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Charming</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just then, a look of great sadness crashed down across Lupin’s face. It was so sudden and violent that Lola stepped back involuntarily. She’d never seen a man look so broken.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Professor, are— are you all right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sadness was gone as soon as it came. “Yes, thank you.” He rubbed his jaw and forced a grin. “Why don’t you come here this evening after dinner and we’ll get your detention sorted?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola didn’t mind the idea of that as much as she normally did. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>liked</span>
  </em>
  <span> Professor Lupin. He talked to her like she was a person, and didn’t think she was a waste of magical talent. It was as though he, somehow, believed in her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the class filed in, Harry handed her a folded napkin with two pieces of bacon inside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was all I could grab before the food was magicked away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola grinned. “You are my god, Potter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He snorted and sat down. “Why’d you miss breakfast?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ran into my cousin. Got detention.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’d you do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t get the chance to do anything before Snape showed up. I would have liked to use this snake tongue charm on Draco. I’m not sure if it gives you the tongue of a snake or if it turns your tongue into an actual snake, though. The English in the book in Uncle Atlas’s library back home is way old and confusing.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry furrowed his eyebrows, like he was having a hard time processing all Lola was saying. Then, he looked up at her and frowned. “What were you gonna hex him for?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola glowered. “He called you my boyfriend.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gross.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right.” </span>
</p><p>
  <b>[</b>
  <span> … </span>
  <b>]</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Sure enough, Uncle Atlas held Lola back at the end of the day. He sent her a sharp look and she knew she was in for it. This was gonna be far worse than any detention Snape and Filch could ever collectively dream up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you like to explain </span>
  <em>
    <span>why</span>
  </em>
  <span> you had your wand trained on a fellow student?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola figured this was not the time for her typical “It doesn’t count! We’re related!” spiel when it came to the trouble she and Draco got into. She swallowed her pride and decided to be a shade more honest than she was with Harry earlier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He was making fun of Harry for being affected by the dementors,” Lola said. “Draco is a bully, Uncle Atlas! He’s way worse than me, but Snape never punishes him for saying awful things!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She crossed her arms and pouted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t go around hexing students. Even if they are your cousin.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She felt her jaw clench and that familiar tide of petulant anger rush over her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t just go around hexing students! And, besides, I was just gonna give him a forked tongue like a snake! It takes a second to reverse!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, that was a tiny white lie. Lola wasn’t quite sure the hex did that. All she knew was that the spell she intended to use wasn’t all that advanced, nor was it lethal. Uncle Atlas didn’t need to know that, though, because it wasn’t from </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> section of their library. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Uncle Atlas sighed. “You are exceedingly like your father.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola felt her mood brighten just a tad, as it always did when he let a tidbit of information about her father slip. “Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not always a good thing! In fact, I think you’ve got a bit too much of him in you!” Uncle Atlas snapped, suddenly furious. “Your father was a brilliant man, but he could be hardheaded, foolish, arrogant, rude, and reckless. And it all went wrong for him, didn’t it? Look where he is now! I won’t have you go that way, Ophelia. Not a chance!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eyes stinging, Lola shrunk into herself. She hugged her arms around her middle and sniffled. Not for the first time, Lola got the sneaking feeling that there was much more to her father than Uncle Atlas ever told her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you don’t want me to be like him, then why do you keep saying that I am?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her voice was just an octave below a wail. She felt like an idiot little kid. What was she on the verge of tears for, anyway? Uncle Atlas got cross with her all the time. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This is different and you know it</span>
  </em>
  <span>, a kind voice said in the back of her head. It was a voice she knew, but was never sure how she knew. It had been there her whole life, though, encouraging her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ophelia, I—”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ophelia</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Not Lola. Ophelia</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Even when he tried to console her, he couldn’t get over his disappointment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I get it.” She was blubbering now. “You hate me! All you see is your dumb, dead brother when you see me. You hate me so much that you can’t even see that he’s my dad, not just your brother. And, you know what? I hate you too! I wish the Ministry had never given me to you! I wish they would’ve just stuck me in a stupid muggle orphanage than with you!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before he could say anything more, she stormed out the classroom. There were a few students milling about in the corridor but they paid her and her crying no mind. Dinner was any moment, and then her detention, but she didn’t think she could stomach any food right now. That kind voice in her head urged her to get food, and reminded her that she didn’t eat breakfast either, but she just told it to shut up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blindly made her way out of the castle, freely sobbing by the time she made it to the edge of the Great Lake. She burrowed herself deeper into her robes and sank to the ground, leaning against the old tree. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hate it here,” she muttered bitterly, pulling up tufts of dead grass. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The snapping of a twig somewhere behind her sent her shooting up. She pulled her wand out, cast a </span>
  <em>
    <span>lumos</span>
  </em>
  <span> charm, and looked around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s there?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A great black dog came around the back of the tree. It’s head was cast downwards and it looked altogether quite nonthreatening despite its size. Instantly, calmness soothed Lola’s anxious veins. She crouched down and smiled at the dog.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, there. Where’d you come from?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The dog looked old and a bit weathered. She wondered if it was a runaway pet from a student from years ago, or perhaps even a stray from Hogsmeade. The dog tilted its head and approached her. Once close enough, it nudged its head against her hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I always wanted a dog,” she told it. “But my stupid uncle says they shed too much and stink… And that it’s against the rules to have a dog at Hogwarts. But Ron has an ugly little rat—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The dog’s neck arched and it bore its teeth with a little growl as soon as she said </span>
  <em>
    <span>rat</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Lola furrowed her eyebrows. Could this dog understand her? She pursed her lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rat?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The dog barked in a rather angry way. She snickered and sat back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, I won’t talk about… the r-word anymore.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That seemed to calm the dog down. It settled down in a heap next to her and let out a content little noise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, are you a girl dog or a boy dog.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It let out one happy bark at the word boy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Boy, huh?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She reached out and scratched under his chin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know, you kinda look like the Grim. Has anyone told you that?” Then, a thought struck her. “Were you the dog Harry saw during the Quidditch match?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He perked up at the mention of Harry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll take that as a yes.” She scratched between his ears and frowned. “You really frightened him,” she told the dog reproachfully. “It’s not your fault that you look like a bad omen, though. You’re just a silly little dog, aren’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His tongue lolled out and it almost looked like he was grinning at her. Using her still illuminated wand, Lola took a closer look at the dog. Between the ratty fur and how thin he was, he was definitely a stray. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No collar, either</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She wondered if some wizard threw him to the streets. She hoped not. He seemed like an abnormally well behaved animal. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uncle Atlas would like you,” she said decidedly. “He says dogs are impossible to train, but you’re so well behaved on your own!”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>lots happened in this chapter! i love the relationship lola and draco have because they just turn into petulant children when they fight. they're always a millimeter away from coming to blows, and i just think that's neat. </p><p>let me know your thoughts and theories!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. A Real Troublemaker</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>i don’t know if she’s a child, beast or goddess.</p><p>-six poems from macedonia // lassi nummi</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Lola was late to her detention, but Professor Lupin didn’t comment on it. She knew her eyes and nose still must have been red from her crying and that was why he didn’t question her. Still, she appreciated it. She wasn’t sure if any other professors would have extended her the same kindness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t see you in the Great Hall this evening,” Lupin commented mildly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola’s face burned. “I didn’t go to dinner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh?” He raised his eyebrows. “Why not?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t look at him. She liked Lupin, more than she liked any other teacher she’d ever had. More than the lunch aid that would turn a blind eye back at her muggle school when she’d do daring, dangerous flips off the swirly slide. She didn’t want to tell him and have him think that she was some silly little girl (even if that’s exactly what she was). So, she shrugged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, even though she wasn’t looking, she could feel his strangely bright, amber eyes trained on her. It was like he could see right through her, more than Dumbledore, which she never would have thought possible before this. Without saying anything, Lupin scribbled a note and charmed it away. A small spark of curiosity lit itself in Lola’s brain, but she kept her mouth shut. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, am I gonna be writing lines?” Lola asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The smallest of chuckles came from Lupin. “I’m not sure, honestly. I’ve never given someone detention before. Though, I did spend quite a bit of time in detention when I was a student.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly grinning, Lola snapped her head up. “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew</span>
  </em>
  <span> it! I knew it from the first day of lessons. You might look like you’re all straight laced, Professor, but, from one troublemaker to another, your act could use some work.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lupin smiled, and it was the smile of a deviant. It was the type of smile Lola suspected Uncle Atlas caught on her own face whenever she was up to something. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been known to get up to some mischief making,” Lupin confessed. “I’m sure Professor McGonagall and your uncle could regale you with many tales.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola’s eyebrows arched up. “My uncle? Were you two friends?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t say that,” Lupin said, suddenly looking quite uncomfortable. “We were in the same year, but I was in Gryffindor and he was in Slytherin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone knew that, as a rule, Gryffindors and Slytherins weren’t friends. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unfortunately, your uncle fell victim to some of my, uh… larger scale </span>
  <em>
    <span>antics</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s just a fancy term for pranks, isn’t it?” Lola asked slyly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will neither confirm, nor deny that accusation, Lola.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She snickered and looked down at her hands, folded in her lap. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, why don’t you tell me what happened between you and Draco Malfoy this morning?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola groaned and sank down into the cushion of the chair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He said Harry was my boyfriend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shot her a look and she knew he didn’t buy it. “From one troublemaker to another, your act could use some work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hang on, you can’t just use my own words against me like that! That goes against the troublemaker code.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t aware there was a code.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There totally is. And the number one rule is to not use another troublemaker’s words against them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My apologies then. However, the point still stands. I know Draco insinuating that Harry is your boyfriend wouldn’t be enough for you to attack him.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola flushed and felt the strangest sense of shame creep up her spine. Only Uncle Atlas had ever been successful in getting her to feel so sorry, and this wasn’t even anything egregious. She just lied about her own motivations! </span>
  <em>
    <span>Merlin</span>
  </em>
  <span>, what was it about Professor Lupin? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh, fine. Fine. Okay. I came down to the Great Hall to get breakfast because I slept in and when I got to the doors, Draco was, like, completely making fun of Harry for getting hurt during the Quidditch game. Like, how horrible is that? There were dementors! Harry didn’t fall for no reason! He’s the </span>
  <em>
    <span>best</span>
  </em>
  <span> Quidditch player Hogwarts has seen in years. I heard Professor McGonagall say so! First year, one of our professors hexed his broom to buck him off and he still caught the snitch! It was all because of the Dementors!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lupin stared at her evenly, his face betraying no emotions. Still, there was an unprecedented compassion in his eyes, like he understood her. </span>
</p><p><span>“And, I’m just so sick of Draco getting away with being a total prick—” Lupin leveled her with a look, as if to chastise her without saying anything. She winced. “Sorry, </span><em><span>jerk</span></em><span>, and nobody does anything about it! Last year, he called Hermione a-a m-mud— </span><em><span>the</span></em> <em><span>m-word</span></em><span>! And nothing happened to him so now he just keeps saying it! And, </span><em><span>I’m</span></em><span> the one who gets in trouble. What kind of lesson is that anyway? You can say a slur but you can’t punch someone for calling your best friend a slur? Or making fun of your other best friend being poor? Or taunting your other best friend for having dead parents? It’s not right!” </span></p><p>
  <span>It shocked her to her core when Lupin smiled at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You certainly have a very strong sense of justice, don’t you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola shrugged, uncomfortable from the compliment. “I mean… I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nothing to feel embarrassed over. In fact, it should be celebrated.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The discomfort and embarrassment was very quickly taken over by a giant surge of pride. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Professor?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Lola?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know I’m technically here for detention, but… Well, do you think I could come talk to you every week?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A surprised kind of fondness flashed across Lupin’s face. “Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I mean, you’re, like, the best professor we’ve ever had in this subject, and you’re the only adult who doesn’t look at me like I’m a bomb about to go off, you know? You talk to me like… Like I’m a normal person, and not even Uncle Atlas does that. Not anymore. Like, today he— He said I was too much like my father and that I was bound to go bad, like him. But my father’s dead. Especially now, with everything, people tiptoe around me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, Lola,” Lupin said softly. “I’m— My door is always open if you need someone to talk to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Again, her primary emotion was embarrassment. She hated being vulnerable, and she most especially hated being vulnerable in front of adults. She always looked like a silly little girl. And maybe she was a bit of a silly little girl, but she was also fourteen, one of the oldest kids in her year. She had a reputation to uphold, and she couldn’t be sniveling about all her emotions to the nearest adult at every opportunity. It just wasn’t becoming of Hogwarts’ soon-to-be greatest troublemaker.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And it all went wrong for him, didn’t it? Look where he is now! I won’t have you go that way, Ophelia. Not a chance!</span>
  </em>
  <span> Uncle Atlas’s words from earlier tugged viciously at her organs, twisting them in a vice. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Look where he is now</span>
  </em>
  <span>… Rotting in the ground somewhere. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Somewhere</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and Lola didn’t even know where. Uncle Atlas had never ventured to take her to his grave. It stung, taunting her. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I won’t have you go that way</span>
  </em>
  <span>. And, what way was that, anyway? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dead?</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“So, if you and Uncle Atlas were in the same year… Did you know my father?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something glass shattered on the floor. Lola looked up and saw not only a plate piled with sandwiches in front of her — </span>
  <em>
    <span>That must’ve been his note</span>
  </em>
  <span> — but shards of a teacup at Lupin’s feet. She hadn’t even noticed him get up from behind his desk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you all right, sir?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I— Yes, I’m fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t mean to startle you. It’s just… Well, I know my father was in Gryffindor, but that’s about all I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hey, Lola! What’s it like having Sirius Black as your father? Are you scared?</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Lola thought she might be sick. Had Uncle Atlas been lying to her all her life? It struck her suddenly that he’d never as much told her her father’s name. She’d always assumed it was Regulus, because the only memory of her grandmother was her moaning about her dead son, her pride and joy. But Regulus had been in Slytherin, hadn’t he? Lola tried her best to scrounge up a memory of what he looked like in pictures, but Uncle Atlas didn’t keep many in the house. All she could think up was the vague image of a teenager with the same eyes as Uncle Atlas. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yes, yes. I knew him a bit.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He knows</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Lola said. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He knows the secret</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Professor, I know Sirius is my uncle and all but, why all this caution for me?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Lola could perfectly recall the way Professor McGonagall stiffened and flinched. She thought of Uncle Atlas’s insistence on her not taking the Hogwarts Express into school, even as she argued that if it was safe for the rest of the students, it was safe for her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes stung at the thought. Had she really been lied to all her life? Was this why everyone was always tiptoeing around her, staring at her with great unease in their eyes? </span>
  <em>
    <span>I won’t have you go that way, Ophelia. Not a chance!</span>
  </em>
  <span> Did they, like Uncle Atlas, assume that the evilness of Sirius Black coursed through her veins, tainting her future?  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lola, are you all right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t feel well, actually. Can I go to the Hospital Wing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d rather deal with Madam Pomfrey’s incessant fussing than her friend’s questions about if she was okay or not. She could just hear Hermione’s worrying. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Lola, you look really pale. What’s wrong?</span>
  </em>
  <span> And she knew her friends. None of them would give up until she gave in and told them what was bothering her. She couldn’t do that. Not now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” Lupin said kindly. It was almost like he could read her mind and see the conclusions she was jumping to. “I’ll walk you there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Too caught up in her thoughts to protest, Lola allowed Lupin to lead her into the corridor. They walked in a heavy silence. She was to focused on keeping herself from crying and she got the feeling that Lupin knew. When they reached the doors to the Hospital Wing, she hugged her arms around her waist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can do the rest of my detention some other time,” she sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lupin just offered her a kind smile. “Remember, Lola, my door is always open. I sincerely hope you feel better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She mumbled out a quiet thanks and swiped at her nose with her sleeve before pushing open the doors. Madam Pomfrey looked up from a sixth year Ravenclaw she was attending to at the noise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Experimental potions,” Madam Pomfrey tutted. “Nasty business. Now, what’s to be the problem?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel like I’m dying,” Lola said weakly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No need for dramatics, Lola. I know you wouldn’t voluntarily bring yourself here unless it was serious.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She flinched upon hearing the word </span>
  <em>
    <span>serious</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Madam Pomfrey had no idea how dangerously close she was to the truth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s bothering you, Lola?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look like you’ll be sick any moment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Madam Pomfrey frowned and led Lola by her shoulders to a bed in the very back corner. It was just in time, too, because as soon as Lola was forced to sit down and given a bucket, her stomach gave out. Bile spilled out of her lips and into the bucket. Her throat burned, screaming out in pain from the acid. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Merlin, child, there’s nothing in your stomach! How much have you eaten today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not—” Lola hiccuped violently and more bile came up. Her nose was running in a way it probably hadn’t since she was a toddler. “— much.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Madam Pomfrey tutted in the same fashion she had over the Ravenclaw that experimented with potions. “I’ll need to get some food in you.” She touched Lola’s forehead. “You’re burning up. I’m keeping you here overnight. No classes tomorrow.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola didn’t even have it in her to argue as her stomach spasmed and a tight cramp pinched at her side. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i love that remus just canonically loses all form of "cool" he has when sirius is brought up in poa. and jkr didn't expect us all to assume they were in love? straight people are ridiculous. </p><p>i hope you guys are liking this. please leave some comments about your thoughts and theories bc that's the main thing that motivates me to publish these chapters.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. What Lying Does to the Immune System</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>the greeks believed in their oracle, not because they were superstitious fools, but because they could not do without believing in it.</p><p>-the greeks and the irrational // e.r. dodds</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Lola had spent her entire life implicitly trusting in every word Uncle Atlas told her. He was a professor of history, purveyor of the entirety of the past. What he said needed to be true. He couldn’t lie to her, to generations of children. But he did. He did lie, and she felt like she was losing everything in that realization. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What did he lie for anyway? To protect her from the truth? No, that couldn’t be it. Surely he knew her well enough. She was bound to find out, as she did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She did find out, and it hadn’t even been difficult. Regulus Black died sometime in April of 1979, but Lola wasn’t born until late October. How could her mother have ditched her with her father if her father had been dead months before she was even born? The answer was simple: he couldn’t. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius Black was her father. Sirius Black raised her for the first two years of her life. Sirius Black, Notorious Mass Murderer Sirius Black, taught her how to walk and talk, changed her dirty diapers, rocked her back to sleep when she woke up in the middle of the night. Sirius Black was the source of the warmth she felt every time she thought of her early childhood. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It made her want to tear her hair out, to destroy every artifact in Uncle Atlas’s office, to curse out every person she came across. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After Madam Pomfrey let her out of the hospital wing, after Lola found Regulus Black’s obituary in the library, the first person Lola sought out wasn’t her uncle. It wasn’t Harry, Ron, or Hermione either. Instead, she found her cousin in a study room with Daphne Greengrass, Pansy Parkinson, Blaise Zabini, and Crabbe and Goyle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She slammed the door open and stood in the doorway with her arms crossed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everyone who isn’t related to me, </span>
  <em>
    <span>scram</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Greengrass, the best and most normal of the lot, and Zabini, the smartest of the lot, exchanged looks and got up wordlessly. They slipped past Lola without so much as a glance at their less intelligent housemates. Parkinson was the only one that seemed to protest. In her current state, Lola wasn’t above a nasty pimple hex. Draco, seeming to sense this, nodded his head and sent Parkinson away. Once Crabbe and Goyle — ever the slow, bumbling idiots — made their way out, Lola kicked the door shut and flopped down into a seat across from Draco.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Know what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She narrowed her eyes and clenched her jaw. If he was faking it, he was doing an awfully good job at appearing innocent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never mind, then.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wasn’t interested in making conversation. Satisfied that he didn’t know her secret and wasn’t going around making it public knowledge, Lola got up. Before she could leave, Draco grabbed her wrist. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they were alone, when he stared up at her with big, unguarded eyes, she could remember the little boy he once was. The little boy who would play in mud puddles with her and flick pebbles at garden gnomes. The little boy who cried when they were wandering through his manor gardens and came across a bird with a broken wing, and then wailed and sobbed when his father killed it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s my father?” Lola asked in the most even voice she could muster.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Draco stared at her for a moment, and then his mouth slipped into a tiny, shocked circle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Merlin,” he whispered. “It’s him, isn’t it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think so.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unable to bear anymore, Lola wrenched her wrist from his grip and stormed out of the study room. Once upon a time, Draco had been a brother to her. Not anymore. He was too influenced by his parents, by their love for Dark Magic and Voldemort. Maybe Draco wasn’t beyond repair, but Lola didn’t think it should be up to her to do the fixing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unable to think straight, she pulled herself into an empty corridor and buried her face in her hands. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Think, Lola. THINK!</span>
  </em>
  <span> Maybe she was wrong, maybe it was all a misunderstanding… But, how could it be? The only things she knew about her father, the only things Uncle Atlas had told her about him, were that he’d raised her for the first two years of her life (before dying) and that he’d been in Gryffindor. She wasn’t sure what house Sirius Black had been in, and him being evil and in Gryffindor didn’t sit right with her, but the coincidences were just a bit too much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She needed the truth. She didn’t know how, but she would force Uncle Atlas to tell her the truth if he lied again. Resolve strengthened, she wiped at her eyes and marched towards Uncle Atlas’s office. It was early enough in the afternoon that he might have students conferring with him, but she didn’t care. This was more important than any assignment or exam, OWL and NEWT students be damned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not bothering to knock, she slammed the door open. Shockingly, there was not a student in Uncle Atlas’s office, but Professor Lupin. Lupin and Uncle Atlas were both red faced and looked like they’d been in the middle of an argument. Lola’s mouth dropped open. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wasn’t prepared for this. She’d been more than willing to yell at a sixth year to leave, but this was an adult. She’d interrupted some kind of adult argument. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What, Lola?” Uncle Atlas said, sounding very exasperated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She felt her face harden. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need to talk to you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She kept her voice short and clipped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be on my way,” Lupin said. “Are you feeling better, Lola?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” she said, still glaring at her uncle. “Surprisingly, betrayal and lies do nothing for my immune system.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Uncle Atlas looked like he’d been stung. Lola didn’t much care, though. Seeming to sense her anger, Lupin pressed his lips together and nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Betrayal and lies?” Uncle Atlas echoed once it was just the two of them in the office. “Lola, what on earth are you talking about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Regulus Black died in April 1979, months before I was born. He was in Slytherin. You told me my father raised me until he died in 1981. You told me my father was a Gryffindor, like me.” Lola glowered and felt a small surge of pride when Uncle Atlas began to gape like a fish. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s this all about?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Uncle Atlas did a good job of hiding the edge in his voice, but Lola could still hear it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what it’s about!” She emphasized her point by stomping her foot angrily on the floor. “You’ve been lying to me my whole life!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sit down, Ophelia,” Uncle Atlas said quietly. When she didn’t move, he sighed and pulled off his glasses. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Please</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was something broken in his voice. That enough shocked her into action. She moved to the seat across from his desk and sat down, rigid as a board. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You must understand, when— When I realized what Sirius had done, when a Ministry worker knocked on my door with you in her arms… my whole world was blown open.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head, looking quite like a broken man. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sirius was </span>
  <em>
    <span>supposed</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be the good one. He was fighting against Voldemort. He spent our entire childhood rebelling against everything our parents believed in. He was supposed to be good. I didn’t believe them when they told me what happened. How could Sirius, my brother, my twin brother, who loved muggle music and all things about them, have killed thirteen muggles and his best friend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola bit down on the inside of her cheek. She wasn’t ready to forgive Uncle Atlas just yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t know what to do, and every time you saw me, you called out for him. You thought I was him. You didn’t know me, by then you’d only met me a few times. It was easier to pretend that he didn’t exist and that Regulus was your father.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You told me I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>like him</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Lola said. Her voice shook with her rage. “You said that I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>just </span>
  </em>
  <span>like him, that there’s too much of him in me.” She shot up and the chair toppled backwards. “You think I’m like him, that I’m like a murderer!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” Uncle Atlas exclaimed. “No. You have all the best parts of him. I don’t know what happened to him. Sometimes… Well, sometimes I think his hand had been forced. That he’d been under the Imperius Charm, or that your life had been threatened if he hadn’t acted as a spy… but the truth is, I don’t know, and I’ll never know. He was never given a trial, and he won’t get one if they catch him. They’ll give him right to the Dementors.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>If they catch him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Uncle Atlas didn’t think the aurors could do it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you helping him?” Lola howled. “The night— Halloween, did you help him inside?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. My thoughts on my brother’s actions and motivations aside, I would never do anything that I thought could lead to your harm.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My harm?” Lola could taste blood from where she’d been chewing on her cheek. “You think he’d kill me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think he’s deranged from suffering twelve years under the dementors,” Uncle Atlas said. “But, here’s what I do know: Your father loved you, more than he ever loved anything. He saw you as the only thing he ever did right.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola’s head pounded and the room began to spin. Shaking, she sat back down in the chair. It was impossible to reconcile the warm memories of a father singing to her and holding her close with his identity of traitor and mass murderer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I lied to you all these years, Lola,” Uncle Atlas said. He walked around the desk and crouched in front of her, grabbing her hands. “I’m not infallible. I was only twenty-two when you were placed in my care, and I had no idea what I was doing. I thought by lying I could save you a lifetime of heartache. I was wrong, and I’m sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The way he spoke… It was like he still loved his brother. Lola didn’t want to think her uncle would break the law in this way, but it tugged at her mind in the same way her </span>
  <em>
    <span>Feelings</span>
  </em>
  <span> did. Uncle Atlas didn’t help Sirius escape, but Lola had the feeling he wouldn’t turn Sirius in either. She chose not to ask him about her Feeling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there anything else?” Lola asked. “Are you keeping anything else from me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Uncle Atlas’s shoulders sagged. “What else there is is not my decision to share.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean? Is it about my mom?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lola. I can’t.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She narrowed her eyes and scoffed, wondering why she ever thought she’d learn something. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever,” she bit out. “I don’t even care anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both knew that was a lie, and she felt Uncle Atlas’s eyes on her as she left the office.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oi, Black! Hey! Hey, Lola!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sight of green lined robes set her on edge until her vision was clear enough for her to see who those robes belonged to. Freddie (and that was his legal name, after Freddie Mercury she learned at the beginning of the year) Durrani was a fourth-year Slytherin in her art class. He started a year late, he told her a few weeks back, because he took arithmancy last year and despised it. Freddie was also the only decent Slytherin in school that Lola knew of, and she suspected it had everything to do with him being muggleborn. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was quite handsome, with his brown skin and dark eyes and neat-neat-neat hair. Lola liked him a lot. He was nice and very un-Slytherinish. When she saw him around, he was usually with a mixed group of Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” she said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’re you finding this week’s assignment?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Professor Sinistra had assigned them to draw nature as human. Being named after a moon, Lola considered a self portrait at first, but she suspected Professor Sinistra was growing tired of her cheek. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m a bit stuck,” Lola confessed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’ve been trying to figure out what a human tree would look like.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Occasionally, some words had a rather interesting twinge when they came out of his mouth. Lola asked him about this once, unsure if he’d not always lived in London. His parents, he said, came to London from Pakistan while his mother was pregnant with him, so a great deal of his pronunciations had picked up on their accents. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Some of the other Slytherins made fun of him for it, but Lola liked it. She liked when people were different. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tall and thin. Maybe old… </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Dumbledore!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grinned at her, laughing. It always caused her a great deal of pride when she ever made anyone older than her laugh. A tiny piece of her bad mood chipped away and her ribs felt a little less tight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been meaning to tell you—” He rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled, almost nervously. “— your piece last week was fantastic.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The assignment: turn something scary beautiful. Lola, emboldened by Snape’s takeover of Lupin’s class, shredded up her piece of a child in a dark room and drew a werewolf mid-transformation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The rest of the class didn’t seem to think so.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Hogwarts students have never been great at accepting things that are different.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola thought of last year and how everyone avoided Harry like the plague because he could speak to snakes. She was sure Freddie was thinking of his own experiences, being called both wizarding and muggle slurs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“People suck,” Lola said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Freddie’s shoulders sagged with a sigh. “Anyway, I should get going. I’ve got detention with Snape after dinner and I wanna get some work done.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Detention? What’d you do?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Flint called me the n-word, which goes to show how much of an idiot he really is. I mean, if you’re going to call me a slur, use the right one! So anyway, I hexed him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And Snape gave </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> detention? That’s such bullshit!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In the wise words of you, people suck.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’d you do to Flint?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A devious grin stretched across Freddie’s face and his eyes glinted in a very Slytherin way. “Let’s just say, some of his treasured bits shrunk to unusable sizes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A shrill laugh Lola didn’t recognize slipped past her lips and she clapped her hand to her mouth. Then, she sobered up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should talk to my uncle. Snape shouldn’t get away with that. Maybe he can bring it up to Dumbledore? I mean, I already complained about him and maybe if enough people do, he can get the boot!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Freddie smiled a little wistfully. “Wouldn’t that be something?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After saying goodbye to Freddie and wishing him luck with Snape, Lola dragged her feet all the way to the common room. She didn’t even bother looking for her friends; just slinked up to her dorm and charmed the curtains around her bed shut. Without the distraction from Freddie, the reality of everything came rushing back and all she could focus on was Sirius Black. If she saw her friends, she would break down and tell them everything, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to do that just yet. Things would change if she did. She knew they would. How could they not? She was the daughter of a deranged mass murderer.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i really like this chapter - 1, for the reveal that sirius is lola's dad (tho i wasn't exactly hiding that lol) and 2, for the glimpse of lola and draco's relationship. i'm really excited to write how it devolves even more in the future. i currently have up to the yule ball in 4th year written so there's a lot more fun and angst to come your way.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Truth Hurts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>i was never a child / i was pulled right out of the sea / and the salt, it never left my body… </p><p>-they’ll clap when you’re gone // chelsea wolfe</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Lupin’s gonna teach me to fight off dementors,” Harry whispered to Lola at dinner. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes had been cast downwards, trying to ignore Uncle Atlas’s mile long stare and the worried looks of her friends. So far, nothing they’d done succeeded in breaking down her foul mood. However, upon hearing that, Lola’s head snapped up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Patronus Charm?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Er…” Harry stared at her blankly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s the most common defense against dementors,” Lola said. “It’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> advanced magic, though. From what I read on it, most adult wizards can’t even produce an effective one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you know that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Flitwick recommended me some advanced reading at the beginning of the year.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The crease between Harry’s eyebrows deepened. “You never mentioned that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola shrugged. “It’s just for fun, really. I think a lot of what we learn now is boring.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re worse than Hermione,” Harry whispered, as though he were in shock. “Jeez, Lola, do I even know you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She snorted. Hermione, having heard Harry say her name, looked at Lola from across the table and frowned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you feeling better now?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you, I don’t want to talk about it. I’m fine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hermione looked like she wanted to argue, but Lola noticed Ron jab her with his elbow. Her bad mood was back in control. Pursing her lips, Lola cast her eyes back down to her plate and stabbed her fork into the pile of mashed potatoes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A week later, Lupin called her back after class. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lola,” he said, in that painfully kind voice of his, “I can’t help but notice how… </span>
  <em>
    <span>quiet</span>
  </em>
  <span> you’ve been lately.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She averted her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is everything all right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something within her twisted uncomfortably and urged her to spill out every thought in her mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t— Well, it’s just—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked up to meet Lupin’s eyes and found him frowning in a sad sort of way. Her chest deflated a bit and the lump in her throat built itself up again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know, don’t you?” she asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Lola. I know who your father is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The dams broke and the ugliest sob she’d ever heard ripped itself from her throat. Without thinking, she launched herself at Lupin the same way she would have Uncle Atlas and cried into his chest. Slowly, she felt his hands go from his sides to her back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lola, it— It’s all right.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He patted her back a bit awkwardly, and then it struck her that she was hugging a professor and not her uncle who raised her. Horrified, she sprung backwards and wiped at her face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” she mumbled. “I didn’t—” She trailed off and scratched at her hairline. “It’s just, I’ve got a lot— I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled kindly. “It’s okay, Lola. I understand. You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, she was horribly embarrassed, unsure of whatever could have possessed her to do something like that.   </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna go. Bye, Professor.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still wiping tears off her cheeks, Lola spun on her heel and scurried out of the classroom. As she sprinted back to the common room, she decided that her hugging Lupin would be another thing she never spoke about. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of the November and the term passed by quietly, with Lola avoiding any detentions she probably would have gotten otherwise by simply not speaking in class. Hermione still hadn’t given up on getting Lola to talk about her feelings and what was bothering her, but Lola refused to budge. Even when Uncle Atlas requested she stay behind from the Hogsmeade trip on the last weekend of the term. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“You can go when it’s safe.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> She threw a fit in her uncle’s office, but was stone faced by the time she got back to her dorm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That cold, snowy Saturday morning, she and Harry walked Ron and Hermione down to the main entrance. Bitterness swirled in the pit of her stomach, and Lola could only imagine what Harry was feeling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Psst — Harry, Lola!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola spun on her heel to find George and Fred peering out at them from behind the statue of the humpbacked, one-eyed witch that decorated the third-floor corridor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’re you doing?” Lola asked, while Harry, at the same time asked, “How come you’re not going to Hogsmeade.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>George and Fred wore matching, troublemaking, breathtaking grins.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve come to give a bit of festive cheer before we go.” Fred winked rather mysteriously and jerked his head left to an empty classroom. “Come in here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stared at each other, Harry confused and Lola grinning giddily, and followed the twins into the classroom. After George shut the door, he turned to them beaming. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Early Christmas present for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fred, rather dramatically, pulled a very large and worn piece of parchment from his robes and laid it on a desk. Lola stared down at it, unimpressed. Of course, with the twins, she knew there had to be something else to it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s this supposed to be?” Harry asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This, Harry, is the secret to our success.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a wrench, giving it to you,” Fred said, putting on a very choked up sounding voice, “but, we decided last night your need’s greater than ours.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, we know it by heart,” George added. “We bequeath it to you two. We don’t really need it anymore.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what, pray tell, do Harry and I need with an old bit of parchment?” Lola asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“An old bit of parchment!” Fred acted as though Lola had just stabbed him through the chest. “Explain, George.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well… When we were in our first year — young, carefree, and innocent—” Lola and Harry both snorted. “— well, more innocent than we are now — we got into a spot of bother with Filch.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We let off a Dungbomb in the corridor and it upset him for some reason—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, he hauled us off to his office and started threatening us with the usual—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“— detention—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“— disembowelment—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“— and we couldn’t help noticing a drawer in one of his filing cabinets marked </span>
  <em>
    <span>Confiscated and Highly Dangerous</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola let out a loud laugh. She and Harry exchanged a look. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t tell me—” Harry said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, what would you’ve done?” Fred asked. “George caused a diversion by setting off another Dungbomb, I whipped the drawer open, and grabbed — </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not as bad as it sounds, you know,” George said quickly. “We don’t reckon Filch ever found out how to work it. He probably suspected what it was, though, or he wouldn’t have confiscated it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you know how to work it?” Lola asked, arching an eyebrow.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course we do, my lovely Lola,” George said with a dangerous little smirk. She felt her cheeks flush against her will. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fred whacked his twin and George turned away from Lola as Fred spoke. “This little beauty’s taught us more than all the teachers in this school.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry scoffed. “You’re winding us up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, are we?” George took out his wand and tapped the tip of it to the parchment. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I solemnly swear that I am up to no good</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At once, ink bloomed throughout the page. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Holy shit!” Lola yelped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The ink created lines that criss-crossed over each other and fanned out over the entirety of the parchment. At the top, words began to bubble up in bright green ink. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>
      <br/>
    </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>Purveyors of Aid to Magical Mischief-Makers</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>
      <br/>
    </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>are proud to present</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>
      <br/>
    </span>
  </em>
  <em></em>
  <span>THE MARAUDER’S MAP</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Quietly, Lola mouthed out the words as she read. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Moony</span>
  </em>
  <span>. For some reason that word stuck out to her more than anything else. The sense of something vaguely canine, but also of home, and warmth, and childhood… Lola straightened her back and looked down at the map. It showed every detail of the grounds and castle, but, even more impressive, it also showed each and every person and where they were. It moved in real time, too, Lola realized as it showed Uncle Atlas leaving his office and walking to the main floor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right into Hogsmeade,” Fred said, tracing a passage with his finger. “There are seven in all. Now, Filch knows about these four—” He pointed out each one. “— but we’re sure we’re the only ones who know about </span>
  <em>
    <span>these</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Don’t bother with the one behind the mirror on the fourth floor. We used it until last winter, but it’s caved in — completely blocked. And we don’t reckon anyone’s ever used this one, because the Whomping Willow’s planted right over the entrance. But this one here, this one leads right into the cellar of Honeydukes. We’ve used it loads of times. And as you might’ve noticed, the entrance is right outside this room, through that one-eyed old crone’s hump.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs.” George sighed wistfully. “We owe them so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noble men, working tirelessly to help a new generation of lawbreakers.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola rolled her eyes and shared a smirk with Harry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right,” George said then. “Don’t forget to wipe it after you’ve used it—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“— or anyone can read it,” Fred warned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just tap it again, and say, ‘Mischief managed!’ And it’ll all go blank.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, young Harry and Lola,” Fred said to them in a fantastic impression of Percy, “mind you, behave yourselves.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Again, Lola rolled her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See you in Honeydukes.” George winked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two twins left Harry and Lola alone in the room in a sort of mystified silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is brilliant!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never trust anything that can think for itself, if you can’t see where it keeps its brain,” Harry muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s something Mr. Weasley said to me after last year. This map has got to be one of those dangerous magical objects he was talking about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, yeah, </span>
  <em>
    <span>maybe</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Lola reasoned. “But, think about it, George and Fred have been using this thing for five years. Nothing horrible has happened to them!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She watched Harry absentmindedly trace the passage to Honeydukes. She bit back a grin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C’mon, Potter! Don’t you think it’s worth the risk?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, he grinned. He rolled up the map, grabbed her by the wrist, and yanked her out into the hallway. She peered over his shoulder and looked down at the map. The tiny figures on the map labelled </span>
  <em>
    <span>Harry Potter</span>
  </em>
  <span> and </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ophelia Black</span>
  </em>
  <span> were shown tapping their wands on the head of the statue with a little speech bubble next to their heads, bearing the word </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dissendium</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Figuring it was worth a shot, Lola pulled out her wand and copied the map. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At once, the statue moved to the side and revealed a very small passageway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Lumos</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry’s wand lit up and illuminated the dark passage. He cleared the map and they began walking. As she heard the passage close behind her, the oddest sense of claustrophobia took over. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Walk faster,” she hissed in Harry’s ear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The path ahead of them twisted and turned sharply, and the uneven floor caused Lola to lose her balance more often than she would have liked. They walked and walked until they came across a large trap door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Think another Fluffy’s up there?” Lola muttered a bit apprehensively. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry snorted. “I think that was a one-of-a-kind just for Hagrid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not one of a kind,” Lola said as Harry pushed the door open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fluffy wasn’t one of a kind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you know?” Harry asked, hoisting himself up through the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ever heard of Cerberus?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry’s hand reached down to help her up. She grabbed hold of it and braced her other hand against the wall to push up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Three headed dog that guards the Underworld for Hades.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola flopped forward against the cold floor and looked up at Harry. He had a puzzled look on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is Hades real?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How would I know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thought you knew everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola made a face and flipped him off as she stood up. She looked around the room they’d ended up in. It was a cellar of some sort, full of crates and boxes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C’mon,” Lola said, noticing a wooden staircase. “Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She could hear voices from behind the door, and the tinkling of a bell. A door swung open, and Harry dragged her behind a huge crate. Whoever had opened the door busied themselves with something on the opposite side of the room. Seizing the opportunity, Lola grabbed hold of Harry’s hand and sprinted towards the door. They found themselves behind the counter of Honeydukes and grinned in their triumph. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, look!” Lola hissed. “There’s Ron and Hermione!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their friends were standing in the least crowded part of the shop, underneath a sign labelled UNUSUAL TASTES. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about these?” Ron suggested to Hermione, shoving a jar of Cockroach Clusters under her nose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To alert them of her presence, Lola made the loudest retching noise she could think up. The jar tumbled out of Ron’s hands, shattering on the floor, and Hermione let out a tiny shriek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lola! Harry!” Hermione squealed, clasping her hand over her heart. “What are you doing here? How — how did you—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow! You’ve learned to Apparate!” Ron exclaimed, looking very impressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I figured now would be a good time to test out my new skills,” Lola lied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course we haven’t,” Harry spoke over her. He lowered his voice and began explaining all about the map Fred and George gave them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How come Fred and George never gave it to </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Ron asked, looking very righteous in his anger. “I’m their brother!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But Harry and Lola aren’t going to keep it,” Hermione said reasonably. “They’re going to hand it in to Professor McGonagall?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Absolutely not!” Lola scoffed, crossing her arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you mad?” Ron asked. “Hand in something that good?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If we hand it in, we’ll have to say where we got it!” Harry argued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And then George and Fred would get in trouble!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about Sirius Black?” Hermione hissed. The very name dropped a ball of lead onto Lola’s stomach. “He could be using one of the passages on that map to get into the castle! The teachers have got to know!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He can’t be getting in through a passage,” Harry said quickly. “There are seven secret tunnels on the map, right? Fred and George reckon Filch already knows about four of them. And of the other three— One of them’s caved in, so no one can get through it. One of them’s got the Whomping Willow planted over the entrance, so you can’t get out of it. And the one we just came through — well — it’s really hard to see the entrance to it down in the cellar, so unless he knew it was there…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See!” Lola said, clapping her hands together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Uninterested in talking about it any further, she reached around Ron to grab a handful of blood pops. They didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually</span>
  </em>
  <span> taste like blood, which was a common misconception, but rather just made you look like you’d drained a human of all their blood. They actually tasted like cherry. She wandered away from her friends’ bickering and scooped up several giant bars of chocolate and Drooble’s. By the time she stood in line and paid for her sweets, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were still bickering. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will you two just pay for your crap?” Lola interrupted. “I wanna see if I can sweet talk Madam Rosmerta into giving me firewhisky.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scandalized, Hermione rounded on Lola. “Lola, that’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>illegal</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola shrugged, unphased. “Still gonna try it, though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once Hermione and Ron finished paying, they were herded outside by the great crowds. Instantly, Lola shivered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re so dumb,” she hissed in Harry’s ear. “Why didn’t we get our coats before coming here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry shrugged and huddled towards her. She looped her hands around his left arm and kept him close, trying to preserve any body heat that wasn’t already pulled out of her system. Ron led them into Three Broomsticks, which was crowded, noisy, warm, and smoky — all the things Lola pictured a bar was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll get the drinks,” Ron offered upon seeing Madam Rosmerta, who was short, curvy, and very pretty. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hermione, nervous to get caught and in trouble, forced Lola and Harry to a small empty table beside a ginormous Christmas tree. Shoving Harry and Hermione aside, Lola snagged the seat closest to the fireplace and sighed as the flames heated up her back. Ron joined them a few minutes later, carefully balancing four foaming tankards of golden liquid. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Butterbeer</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Lola didn’t understand why everyone was so crazed over the beverage. It was just fine, but Harry seemed to be loving it so she bit her tongue and refrained from complaining.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A cold breeze wafted in and Lola glared at the door. The glare quickly turned into a gasp of horror when she realized who opened the door. Uncle Atlas entered the pub with McGonagall, Flitwick, Hagrid, and the Minster of Magic himself. She cursed loudly, which drew her friends’ attention. Instantly, she ducked under the table and pulled Harry down with her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Agh</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” he exclaimed, butterbeer spilling all down his front. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Above them, Hermione whispered, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Mobiliarbus</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” The Christmas tree lifted a few inches off the ground and moved to hide their table from view. Lola watched through the lower branches and stared at her uncle’s feet. He looked ever the uptight professor, but she could see his socks embroidered with lightsabers peaking out from under the hem of his pants. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Below the table, Lola grabbed Harry’s hand and squeezed with all her might. Why hadn’t they thought to grab his invisibility cloak before leaving? How long would they be there for? Merlin, if they were caught, they’d be in for a world of hurt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, what brings you to this neck of the woods, Minister?” Madam Rosmerta’s voice carried nicely; it was the perfect voice to eavesdrop on.   </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What else, m’dear, but Sirius Black?” Fudge said. “I daresay you hear what happened up at the school on Halloween?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola watched Uncle Atlas’s feet turn in on themselves. He was clearly uncomfortable with whatever was going on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did hear a rumor.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you tell the whole pub, Hagrid?” McGonagall’s voice came, sounding awfully exasperated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think he’s still in the area, Minister?” Madam Rosmerta whispered fretfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola tightened her grip on Harry’s hand. If she was hurting him, he didn’t say anything of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know that the dementors have searched the whole village twice?” Madam Rosmerta said, sounding awfully accusatory. “Scared all my customers away… It’s very bad for business, Minister.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rosmerta, m’dear, I don’t like them any more than you do. Necessary precaution… unfortunate, but there you are… I’ve just met some of them. They’re in a fury against Dumbledore — He won’t let them inside the castle grounds.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And he’s right not to!” Uncle Atlas snapped. His words were punctuated by the slamming of his drink on the table. “They’re awful things, Minister. How do you expect us to teach with those horrors floating about? And you should’ve seen what they did to Harry Potter at the first Quidditch match of the season.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hear, hear!” Professor Flitwick squeaked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All the same,” Fudge said in a very slimy voice, “they are here to protect you all from something much worse… We all know what Black’s capable of.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know, I still have trouble believing it,” Madam Rosmerta said thoughtfully. “Of all the people to go over to the Dark Side, Sirius Black was the last I’d have thought… I mean, I remember him when he was a boy at Hogwarts. If you’d told me then what he was going to become, I’d have said you’d had too much mead.” Then, suddenly. “Oh, Atlas, dear, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to offend—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s all right, Rosmerta,” Uncle Atlas said in a resigned, practiced voice. “We were all surprised by it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola replayed Uncle Atlas’s words from last month over in her brain. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius was supposed to be the good one… I didn’t believe them when they told me what happened. How could Sirius, my brother, my twin brother, who loved muggle music and all things about them, have killed thirteen muggles and his best friend?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Her stomach twisted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know the half of it, Rosmerta,” Fudge said gruffly. “The worst he did isn’t widely known.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What else there is is not my decision to share.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“The worst?” Madam Rosmerta asked, her voice alive with curiosity. “Worse than murdering all those poor people, you mean?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I certainly do.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe that. What could possibly be worse?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You say you remember him at Hogwarts, Rosmerta,” McGonagall said quietly. “Do you remember who his best friend was?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Naturally.” Madam Rosmerta laughed. “Never saw one without the other, did you? The number of times I had them in here — Ooh, they used to make me laugh. Quite the double act, Sirius Black and James Potter!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bile surged up in Lola’s throat but she swallowed it down. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You’re much too like your father</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Apparently, when Uncle Atlas said things like that, he was right in every possible way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Precisely,” said Professor McGonagall. “Black and Potter. Ringleaders of their little gang. Both very bright, of course — exceptionally bright, in fact — but I don’t think we’ve ever had such a pair of troublemakers —” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dunno,” chuckled Hagrid. “Fred and George Weasley could give ’em a run fer their money. Or, hell, even Lola and Harry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry locked eyes with Lola, the darkness of the table illuminating all the lines of his face. Lola felt faint.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’d have thought Black and Potter were brothers!” chimed in Professor Flitwick. “Inseparable! Oh, Atlas, I—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s all right, Filius.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course they were,” said Fudge. “Potter trusted Black beyond all his other friends. Nothing changed when they left school. Black was best man when James married Lily. Then they named him godfather to Harry. Harry has no idea, of course. You can imagine how the idea would torment him.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The lead ball in Lola’s stomach from earlier hit her again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because Black turned out to be in league with You-Know-Who?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Uncle Atlas muttered. “It’s worse.” Lola could hear the distress in his voice. “The Potters knew Voldemort was after them. Dumbledore got tipped off by one of his spies and told Lily and James as soon as he heard — advised them to go into hiding. He told them to use the Fidelius Charm.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The Fidelius Charm</span>
  </em>
  <span>… Lola had read about that. It was immensely powerful magic, and the trust that one would have to place in someone to make them their Secret Keeper… Well, now she understood just why her uncle was so shocked and unsure about what happened with Sirius Black going bad. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So Black was the Potters’ Secret-Keeper?” Madam Rosmerta guessed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Naturally,” McGonagall said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“James told Dumbledore that Sirius would die rather than tell where they were,” Uncle Atlas said. “He said Sirius was planning to go into hiding himself — which I also knew he was planning on. He needed to, for—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola held her breath, waiting for him to drop the bomb.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In any case,” McGonagall interrupted, “Dumbledore remained worried. I remember him offering to be the Potters’ Secret-Keeper himself.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He suspected Black?” Madam Rosmerta gasped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Uncle Atlas chuckled dryly. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>No one</span>
  </em>
  <span> suspected him.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He was sure that somebody close to the Potters had been keeping You-Know-Who informed of their movements,” McGonagall explained darkly. “Indeed, he had suspected for some time that someone on our side had turned traitor and was passing a lot of information to You-Know-Who.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But James Potter insisted on using Black?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He did,” Uncle Atlas said. “And then, barely a week after the Fidelius Charm had been performed—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola pictured a much younger version of her uncle waking up to someone knocking on his door, holding her in their arms. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Your brother is a traitor and will spend his life in Azkaban. You’re the sole guardian of his child now</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Had she ruined his young bachelor’s life by being placed in his care, the same way her father destroyed all those other lives?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Black betrayed them?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He did indeed. Black was tired of his double-agent role, he was ready to declare his support openly for You-Know-Who, and he seems to have planned this for the moment of the Potters’ death. But, as we all know, You-Know-Who met his downfall in little Harry Potter. Powers gone, horribly weakened, he fled. And this left Black in a very nasty position indeed. His master had fallen at the very moment when he, Black, had shown his true colors as a traitor. He had no choice but to run for it —” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Filthy, stinkin’ turncoat!” Hagrid interrupted Fudge so loudly that half the bar went quiet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Shh</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” Professor McGonagall hissed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I met him!” Hagrid growled. “I musta bin the last ter see him before he killed all them people! It was me what rescued Harry from Lily an’ James’s house after they was killed! Jus’ got him outta the ruins, poor little thing, with a great slash across his forehead, an’ his parents dead… an’ Sirius Black turns up, on that flyin’ motorbike he used ter ride. Never occurred ter me what he was doin’ there. I didn’ know he’d bin Lily an’ James’s Secret-Keeper. Thought he’d jus’ heard the news o’ You-Know-Who’s attack an’ come ter see what he could do. White an’ shakin’, he was. An’ yeh know what I did? I COMFORTED THE MURDERIN’ TRAITOR!” Hagrid roared. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hagrid, please!” Uncle Atlas urged. “Keep your voice down!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How was I ter know he wasn’ upset abou’ Lily an’ James? It was You-Know-Who he cared abou’! An’ then he says, ‘Give Harry ter me, Hagrid, I’m his godfather, I’ll look after him—’ Ha! But I’d had me orders from Dumbledore, an’ I told Black no, Dumbledore said Harry was ter go ter his aunt an’ uncle’s. Black argued, but in the end he gave in. Told me ter take his motorbike ter get Harry there. ‘I won’t need it anymore,’ he says.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hagrid sniffled loudly. Lola pressed her knees to her forehead, begging silently for it all to stop. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I shoulda known there was somethin’ fishy goin’ on then. Only thin’ he loved more than that motorbike was Lola—” Harry snapped his head towards her while both Ron and Hermione reached out to grab her shoulders. “— What was he givin’ it ter me for? Why wouldn’ he need it anymore? Fact was, it was too easy ter trace. Dumbledore knew he’d bin the Potters’ Secret-Keeper. Black knew he was goin’ ter have ter run fer it that night, knew it was a matter o’ hours before the Ministry was after him. But what if I’d given Harry to him, eh? I bet he’d’ve pitched him off the bike halfway out ter sea. His bes’ friends’ son! His daughter’s bes’ friend! But when a wizard goes over ter the Dark Side, there’s nothin’ and no one that matters to ’em anymore.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>His daughter’s best friend</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Well, the cat was out of the bag now. Lola wanted to get up and sprint away, but she was forced in place by the presence of the adults. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“His daughter?” Madam Rosmerta gasped. “Oh, not little Lola? Atla, tell me, does she know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry’s hand slipped slowly out of her grip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Uncle Atlas sighed. “She figured it out herself weeks ago. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her everything. Just her thinking he was her uncle cost her hours of sleep. She hasn’t been the same since she worked it out. I couldn’t burden her with all of this— Ah, thank you, Minerva.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry looked at her, green eyes blazing with betrayal. She could see the unspoken words floating over his head. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Why didn’t you tell me?</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hey guys, sorry this took forever to upload. my parents are going through a divorce and we've had to deal with the cops getting called to our house twice in the last three odd weeks because of my dad so it's been a little crazy!! and i've had a few manic depressive episodes lol so it's been far from my mind. </p><p>anyways, i hope you guys like this chapter! when i started writing this, my first thought for it was how exactly i was going to do the reveal that sirius is lola's father — did i want it to be dramatic? did i want her to just tell them when she figured it out? obviously, i ended up going with the more dramatic route. let me know what you think! do you disagree? i'm always so curious to know.</p><p>also i can't be the only one to love that lola always refers to the twins as george and fred, right?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Black Christmas</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>i was something else, not a girl, not a wolf, something blank-eyed, tired.</p><p>-the bread we eat in dreams // catherynne m. valente</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Harry and Lola made their way through the passage back to Hogwarts in complete silence. She drew back into herself and stared at the floor. Unlike on the way into Hogsmeade, she didn’t grab the back of his cloak to keep close. She couldn’t bear to look at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you say something?” Harry asked, once they reached the end of the passage. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I— I didn’t want you guys to look at me any different,” Lola sniffed. “I was going to… eventually. I just— I couldn’t!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A conversation she and Harry had long ago rang through her memory. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I mean, what if our parents knew each other, Harry? What if they were friends? We know nothing! </span>
  </em>
  <span>Merlin, if only she had known back then. She missed that ignorance, wishing she could go back to it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We knew each other,” Harry whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When we were babies. We knew each other.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Lola licked her lips. “We did.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, Harry reached out and pulled her into a hug. Lips trembling, she returned the hug with just as much vigor. She could hear him sniffling quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t make fun of me,” Harry warned her, pulling away from the hug and wiping his wet cheeks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not really one to make fun right now,” Lola assured him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After dinner that night, Uncle Atlas tracked Lola down to tell her that they would no longer be staying at Hogwarts for the holidays. Nor would they be attending Christmas at the Malfoys. Instead, they would be going home and staying there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be good for us to get away,” he told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d just stared at him irreverently and waited for him to walk away. She wanted to scream and curse at him for not telling her the truth, but how could she do that without getting herself, Harry, and Fred and George in trouble? Until she found out a way, she would keep her mouth firmly shut.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ignoring Hermione’s worried stares, she shoved two weeks worth of clothes into a bag and flopped onto her bed. In the morning, she met Uncle Atlas in his office and they Flooed directly into their house back in Surrey. As soon as she brushed the soot off her clothes, she marched to her bedroom and slammed the door behind her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was pissed; angry that her uncle had been lying to her; angry that she couldn’t spend time with her friends; angry that his solution to all of this was to run away. And, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Merlin</span>
  </em>
  <span>, why did they have to spend their entire Christmas at </span>
  <em>
    <span>home</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Couldn’t they just go to Disney or something… Like normal people. Or, whatever that family in </span>
  <em>
    <span>Home Alone</span>
  </em>
  <span> was gonna do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The only thing that broke up her day was a letter from Harry, informing her that Buckbeak, Hagrid’s prized hippogriff, was going to be put on trial for attacking Draco. Lola laughed at the absurdity of it. They were putting a bloody </span>
  <em>
    <span>bird </span>
  </em>
  <span>on trial when they didn’t even put her father on trial? What a backwards government. She crumpled up the letter and threw it in the bin and laid down on her bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>[</b>
  <span> … </span>
  <b>]</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Christmas came in a haze of endless, boring days. It wasn’t pretty or snowy in Surrey like it’d been back at school. Instead, the sidewalks were coated in dirty, muddy slush. It did nothing for Lola’s blackened spirits. The morning of, she woke up to a great pile of presents downstairs for her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll have guests today,” Uncle Atlas told her. “So, make yourself presentable by noon, all right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola scrunched up her face. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Guests</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. I’ve invited Andromeda, Ted, and Dora to spend the day,” Uncle Atlas told her. “And Professor Lupin as well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lupin?” Lola questioned. “Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, he hasn’t got any family, does he?” Uncle Atlas huffed. “Besides, we went to school together and knew each other quite well because of Sirius.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tension that had been living in Lola’s shoulders since she found out about Sirius Black tightened. Professor Lupin had shared a dorm with Sirius Black for seven years. He’d shared a dorm with James Potter and Peter Pettigrew, too. He knew them all. He got up to trouble with them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He and Lupin were friends, weren’t they?” Lola asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Uncle Atlas paused and turned to the stove. “Why do you ask?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I know he was in the same year as you at Hogwarts, which means he would’ve shared a dorm with my d— with Sirius.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Lola, Professor Lupin was good friends with your father.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And, James Potter?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She watched every muscle in her uncle’s body clench. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He let it slip to Harry that he knew Harry’s parents,” Lola said. “So, Harry’s parents were the same age as you, then?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They were, yes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, Sirius must’ve been friends with them, too. Did that mean Harry and I knew each other as babies?” She glared up at her uncle, seething. “So, my dad was a Death Eater and betrayed his friendship with Professor Lupin and Harry’s parents, then? Is that why you didn’t want me to be friends with Harry at first? Did you think I would go the same way?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not waiting for an answer, Lola stood up and the chair she’d been sitting on toppled over. She clenched her jaw and stomped up to her bedroom. Uncle Atlas left her alone. He knew her well enough to know that she would calm down sooner if he didn’t come up. She wished he would, though. She didn’t want to calm down and get over it. She wanted to yell and scream and throw things. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, dipshit.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola lifted her head from her pillows and looked back at her door. Dora was standing at the threshold, their shock-pink hair looking wild against the white paint backdrop of Lola’s walls. They were wearing a black dress and clunky muggle boots. Grinning, they waved their wand and turned off Lola’s radio halfway through the second chorus of Led Zeppelin’s “Black Dog.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Put on some real clothes and come downstairs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ugh</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Moan and groan later,” Dora scoffed. “I need saving from the adults.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dora, you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>twenty</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You’re an adult.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Disgusting! I refuse.” Dora flipped their short hair over their shoulder and Lola watched it morph into a pixie cut. “Now, how about a dress?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not waiting for an answer, Dora went to Lola’s closet and started digging through all the clothes. They threw a red skirt and white turtleneck over their shoulder and both objects landed on Lola’s face. Rolling her eyes, Lola sat up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Fine. Get out of here so I can change.” </span>
</p><p>
  <b>[</b>
  <span> … </span>
  <b>]</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Yanking at her collar, Lola followed Dora down the stairs. Uncle Atlas was locked in what seemed like a serious conversation with Aunt Andromeda and Ted. Upon hearing their steps, the three adults looked up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lola!” Aunt Andromeda exclaimed. “Goodness, how you’ve </span>
  <em>
    <span>grown</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wrapped Lola into a great hug and didn’t let go for several seconds. When she did, she kept her hands on Lola’s shoulders and looked into her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your hair’s longer,” Aunt Andromeda remarked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I haven’t seen you since the summer,” Lola said a bit awkwardly. “Passage of time and all that, you know?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aunt Andromeda grinned. “Indeed.” She let go of Lola and gestured around to all the presents gathered on the floor. “You haven’t opened a single present yet!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola just shrugged. “Haven’t really been feeling the Christmas spirit.” Desperate to get the focus after her, Lola turned to Ted. “Hey, Ted. How was Chanukah?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was good! Thank you for asking, Lola.” Ted had a kind face that was never far away from a smile. “We hosted this year—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And it was a right pain putting away all our magic things,” Aunt Andromeda cut in with a heavy sigh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And Dora had to miss a couple nights in the middle, what with Auror training, and all,” Ted said. “But we had a wonderful dinner on the last night.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s nice!” Lola said. She plopped herself down on the couch next to him. “Did you guys have those pancake things?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ted snorted. “Latkes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah! Those!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ugh</span>
  </em>
  <span>, those are so good. I think about them all the time.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? The last time you spent Chanukah with us was when you were ten.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dude, they’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>delicious</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Of course, they’re stuck in my head!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll mail you some next year.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Merlin, please!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lola, darling, why don’t you open this?” Aunt Andromeda called, holding out a large box. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” Lola asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dora grinned. “Just something you’ll need for next year.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Next year?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dora mimed zipping their lips shut while Aunt Andromeda placed the box on Lola’s lap. A bit apprehensively, Lola tore the ribbon around the cardboard and tossed it aside. She lifted the top of the box and her mouth dropped open at the site of its contents. A pretty, gauzy white dress laid neatly in the box. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I— </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wow</span>
  </em>
  <span>, it’s… </span>
  <em>
    <span>wow</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about the why,” Aunt Andromeda assured her. She pressed a kiss to the top of Lola’s head and beamed at her. “It’s charmed to fit your measurements, so even if you grow or gain weight, it’ll fit you </span>
  <em>
    <span>beautifully</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola scrunched her eyebrows together. “You’re not turning me into some kind of child bride, are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ted let out a loud, booming laugh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What kind of woman do you take me for, Lola?” Aunt Andromeda asked, aghast. “No, no. No child brides in this family anymore! You’ll see what it’s for soon enough.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola grinned. “If you say so.” She covered the box back up and set it aside. “But, really, thank you. It’s super pretty.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re very welcome, dear.” Aunt Andromeda picked the box up. “I’ll bring this up to your room. The silver wrapped packages are from us, if you choose to actually open your gifts this year that is.”    </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dora snickered quietly. When Ted got up to join Uncle Atlas in the kitchen, Dora moved to where he’d been sitting next to Lola and pulled something out of their pocket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I forgot to give this to you when we were in your room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” Lola asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a book on… Hogwarts-unapproved charms,” Dora said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” Lola gasped. “Dora, oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>wow</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Thank you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Sshh</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Don’t go telling anyone I gave you this. I’m supposed to be a good role model now that I’m an auror, mind you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola felt the devious grin that Uncle Atlas always gave her a stern look for spread across her face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be able to really tell Draco what’s what now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Uncle Atlas walked back into the room and Dora quickly slipped the book back into their jacket pocket. She bumped her shoulder against Lola’s and grinned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you two up to now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, just plotting world domination,” Dora said breezily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t imagine the kind of terror a Hufflepuff and Gryffindor could plot up,” Uncle Atlas said, smirking as he took a sip from what looked like gin of some sort. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Very terrible things,” Lola promised. “Darth Vader level terribleness.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I beg of you to leave us out of the carnage,” Ted said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No promises, Dad,” Dora said with a wink. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doorbell rang. Uncle Atlas turned and handed his gin off to Dora to hold. “Ah, that must be Remus. I’ll be right back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Quickly, Dora downed the gin in one sip and put the glass on the ground. Lola snickered quietly and tucked her feet under her thighs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remus! Glad you could make it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Atlas. I appreciate the invitation.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nothing. Come in, come in.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In times like this, Lola could viscerally feel his aristocratic upbringing. Uncle Atlas walked back into the family room with Professor Lupin at his side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remus,” Ted said kindly, “it’s good to see you again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, yes. You too, Ted.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nymphadora, did you drink my gin?” Uncle Atlas tutted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dora grinned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, Professor Lupin!” Lola greeted, leaning over the back of the couch and waving at him. “Merry Christmas!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Lola.” He opened and closed his mouth, as if he were going to say something more but then thought better of it. He reached into the inner pocket of his cloak and pulled out a wrapped gift. “I brought this for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” She took it from him tentatively. It was heavy, certainly a book of some sort. Dora looked over her shoulder curiously as she carefully tore open the wrapping paper. It was an old, heavy looking book on defensive charms. “Oh, wow. Thank you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s a large section on charms to repel dark creatures such as dementors,” Lupin told her. “Something I imagine you finding useful.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola grinned. “Definitely!” She put the book on her lap. “Harry said you’re gonna teach him the patronus charm?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told him I would certainly try,” Lupin corrected with a light smile. “It takes a great deal of skill to produce a patronus charm—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A strong happy thought, right?” Lola asked. “And a great deal of willpower! Can you produce a corporeal patronus?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Er, yes,” Lupin said, looking away from her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Remus!” Aunt Andromeda’s loud voice cut off anything else Lola might have asked. In a similar fashion to how she greeted Lola, she took Remus into her arms and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “You look utterly bone weary! Have you been eating? Getting sleep?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine, Andromeda,” Lupin assured her. “It’s nice to see you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s been far too long!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola watched her family interact with Lupin curiously. They regarded him with a familial familiarity, like he was one of them. It confused the daylights out of her. How come she’d never heard of Lupin before this year if everyone in her entire family seemed to know and love him? Just another secret being kept from her, she supposed. Rolling her eyes, Lola got off the couch and pulled a pile of presents towards her. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>[</b>
  <span> … </span>
  <b>]</b>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Dora and their parents left around eight at night, but Lupin stayed. He and Uncle Atlas disappeared into the study and Lola did her best to eavesdrop, but they were speaking too quietly and the wooden door was too thick. All she managed to hear was mention of the full moon. She filed that away in the tiny part of her brain where she stored information that was probably important but she couldn't bother to care about. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Lola meandered around the kitchen, eating some left over dessert out of the container, there was a knock on the door. Groaning, she jumped off the counter and went to the door, figuring it was just Dora. When she opened the door, there was no one on the porch. Instead, there was just a small brown package with a card tucked beneath the wrapping string. Furrowing her eyebrows, Lola bent down and picked up the card. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead of it being for a neighbor like she’d assumed, her name was scrolled across the top in messy chicken-scratch writing. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lola, I hope you’ve had a wonderful Christmas. I have so much to explain to you. See you soon, Blackbird. Love, Dad.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She dropped the card onto the floor and screamed. “Uncle Atlas! Uncle Atlas!” She ran to his office and slammed on the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Within seconds, the door whipped open. “Lola, what is it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He— He— Sirius! He— He was—” Lola cut herself off and held her hands to her mouth and throat. He was </span>
  <em>
    <span>here</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Uncle Atlas swore beneath his breath and Lola noticed the Lupin looked whiter than the ghosts at Hogwarts. Uncle Atlas sprinted out of the office and to the door, shouting for Lupin to keep Lola in the study. Lola wasn’t sure how long Uncle Atlas was gone for. He returned looking quite grim, holding the package in his hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s no dark magic to be detected,” Uncle Atlas said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What— What’s in the box?” Lola asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Uncle Atlas reached inside and pulled out a necklace. “A locket.” He put the box and card aside. “I think we can rule out any worries of him trying to hurt you, Lola.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola clutched her stomach and groaned. “I think I’m gonna be sick.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>she/they lesbian tonks supremacy thank you very much!!!</p><p>anyways, sirius wouldn't be sirius if he wasn't dramatic and cryptic and just making himself look all the more guilty, right?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Secrets Revealed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>i am trying to wander more. i am trying to breathe more, to love my lostness,… </p><p>-on language and mourning // noor hindi</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>After the horror that Christmas had turned into, Uncle Atlas brought Lola to the Black Manor hidden in the Alps, and Lola spent the two weeks watching bad Muggle movies on the crappy TV. They stayed there until the evening before classes started back up and flooed directly into Uncle Atlas’s office. Curiosity had picked away at Lola for the entirety of break. After determining there was nothing evil or dangerous about the gift, Uncle Atlas hadn’t even allowed her to look at the locket. Even when Lola cried and shouted about how a picture of her mother might be in there. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Trust me, Lola. Your mother… Sirius would </span>
  </em>
  <span>never</span>
  <em>
    <span> put a picture of her in a gift to you.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola didn’t know much of what that meant, but it still made her angry. She wanted to know, every tiny, little thing. She deserved it, but Uncle Atlas seemed to disagree. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she made it to the common room, she could tell instantly that something was off. Harry and Ron were sat in one corner of the room while Hermione was curled up in a ball on a chair the furthest away from them she could get.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened?” Lola demanded with her hands on her hips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ron and Harry looked up at her, startled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Harry asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lola! You’re back!” Ron exclaimed simultaneously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She rolled her eyes. “I’m serious. What happened. What’s wrong with you and Hermione?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can smell it. Like a frickin’ bloodhound.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harry got a Firebolt for Christmas!” Ron exclaimed. “And Hermione—” He glared angrily in her direction. “— got it bloody confiscated by McGonagall.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You got a </span>
  <em>
    <span>Firebolt</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Lola screeched. “Blimey, Harry! That— </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wow</span>
  </em>
  <span>! How’d you go about that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” Harry said. “There was no note.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hermione got all wigged about it being from Sirius Black.” Ron snorted and rolled his eyes. “She’s mental.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola thought of the locket hidden somewhere away in Uncle Atlas’s office. She touched absentmindedly at her neck and frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He couldn’t have,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I— I mean, how would he even get all that money in the first place? He can't just barge into Gringotts, can he? And if he stole it, don’t you think people would be going mad over tracking down a Firebolt?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>See you soon, Blackbird. Love, Dad</span>
  </em>
  <span>. A Firebolt was no measly locket. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Even so, Hermione’s just worried for you, Harry! She’s being a good friend.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>From the look on Harry’s face, Lola didn’t think she could offer him any words to make it better. She couldn’t totally blame him either. He thought he was going to be the owner of the world’s greatest broom, and then it got taken away from him. She’d let him wallow for a bit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We sent you letters,” Ron said. “But they just came back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, um…” Lola looked around the semi crowded room and lowered her voice. “I didn’t get them. Uncle Atlas took me to some old family manor in the Alps and it has a bunch of different protection charms on it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Ron asked. “Because of your dad?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ron</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Harry hissed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Lola said blankly. “He, uh… sent me a Christmas present, actually. Hand delivered and everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>saw</span>
  </em>
  <span> him?” Harry’s eyes went wide.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, but he left it on my doorstep with a little note.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A locket, but Uncle Atlas wouldn’t let me see it. Even after he and Professor Lupin determined there were no dark curses attached to it!” She reached into her pocket and felt for the note. “I have the note he left, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry snatched the note from her hand. “I look forward to seeing you again?” He looked up at her, suddenly frightened. “What does that mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola shrugged. “Probably that he thinks we’ll be one, big happy family again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, now we really know he’s a madman,” Ron muttered, looking at the note himself. “Bloody mental.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Lola sighed and flicked her hair over her shoulder. “Well, I’m gonna head up to bed. I’ll see you two tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She met Hermione’s eyes as she reached the staircase. She smiled and nodded her head towards the dormitory. Hermione came up to the dormitory just as Lola finished getting her pajamas on. Weary of Lavender and Fay’s presence, Lola ushered Hermione onto her bed and closed the curtains around them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harry and Ron told me what happened,” Lola whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And, I suppose you’re on their side, then?” Hermione sniffed and crossed her arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not on anyone’s side,” Lola tutted. “It’s stupid. I don’t blame you for what you did, and I think Ron and Harry are being idiots, but I get why Harry’s upset… And, well, to Ron’s credit, you could do a bit better of a job at keeping Crookshanks under control.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you’re just going to accuse me of being a bad friend—” Hermione started angrily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no!” Lola grabbed Hermione’s arm and stopped her from getting up. “I don’t think you’re a bad friend! And I even told Ron and Harry that… But I also don’t think Sirius Black could’ve given Harry the Firebolt.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hermione’s eyes widened and she leaned back. “Lola, you of all people should—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I know. But, hear me out. He gave me a present, with a signed card and everything. He came to my house, Hermione. In Surrey. He’s not afraid of making himself known.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Merlin, Lola!” Hermione exclaimed, looking suddenly very weepy. “Oh, I’m so sorry!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She launched forward and hugged Lola.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s all right,” Lola assured her. “Really. I’m fine. I just— Well, I don’t see how he could’ve done that and given Harry a Firebolt. In any case, the locket wasn’t laced with any dark magic or charms. I don’t think he wants to hurt anyone… yet.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hermione pulled back, frightened. “But, Lola, you’re… You’re his— his… daughter. And Harry? He sold Harry’s parents out to You-Know-Who. It’s different.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe, but I still don’t see how he’d be able to get his hands on a Firebolt.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hermione pursed her lips. “Well, it’s still rather strange, isn’t it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I guess,” Lola said. “No matter how you swing it, it doesn’t make sense. But I also don’t think it was given to Harry in an evil plot to kill him, and I’m pretty good at sensing when people are trying to kill him!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tiniest of smiles tugged at Hermione’s lips. It was obvious that she was trying to hold in a laugh. Beaming, Lola leaned back and whacked her foot against Hermione’s leg.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>[</b>
  <span> … </span>
  <b>]</b>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Classes began at the pace they’d left off at, with no mind for the two week break all the students had been basking in. Lupin was looking ill again when it came time for Defense Against the Dark Arts. She frowned; he’d looked fine at Christmas — a little ragged maybe, but fine. She spent the entirety of the lesson tugging at the moon necklace Draco gave her for her birthday back in October. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the class ended, Lupin called her aside. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Figures</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she thought a bit grumpily. Harry didn’t leave. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sir, before you speak with Lola,” Harry said. “Well, I was just wondering when we could start on the anti-dementor lessons?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Patronus Charm,” Lola corrected under her breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, yes,” Lupin said. “Let me see… how about eight o’clock on Thursday evening? The History of Magic classroom should be large enough… I’ll have to think carefully about how we’re going to do this… We can’t bring a real dementor into the castle to practice on…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right,” Harry said. “Thank you, sir.” He turned to look at Lola and hesitated. “Want me to wait outside?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola shrugged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll wait.” He smiled at her in promise. Then, he scrunched his eyebrows together. “Your necklace is gone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola’s hand sprung to her neck. “Ugh. I’ll find it after.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you feeling, Lola?” Lupin asked once Harry was gone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, um… Fine, I guess.” She rubbed the back of her neck and was off put by the absence of the silver chain. “Just glad to be back at school.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lupin levied her with an even look, like he didn’t believe her. She didn’t like that he was able to see through her so well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay to be scared,” Lupin told her softly. “Even if you are a Gryffindor.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, it’s just…” She cut herself off and crossed her arms, sighing heavily. “Can you help me look for my necklace?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lupin arched an eyebrow and drew his wand. In a silent incantation, he summoned her necklace back to his hand. As soon as it landed in his hand, he hissed quietly and dropped it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I apologize,” Lupin said quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola eyed the red mark on his hand from the chain and bent down to pick up the necklace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You allergic to silver, or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, yes... something like that,” Lupin spoke in a light voice, but she could hear the slightest bit of a tremor in his voice. He was taking great care to avoid looking her the eye as well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola drew her eyebrows together and looked down at her necklace. The crescent moon charm sat daintily in her palm. She thought back to the potion Snape made for him, to him being ill every month. She looked at the scars he had — on his face, his neck, peaking out from underneath the sleeves of his shirt and wrapping around his wrists — and it clicked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh!” Lola exclaimed. “Professor, I’m so sorry! If I had known— Merlin, I would’ve just had Harry help me look!”    </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lola,” Lupin said. His voice was deadly calm, but there was panic in his eyes. “If you had known what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That you’re a werewolf?” she whispered. He seemed to crumple before her very eyes. “But I won’t say anything! It doesn’t matter. Besides, you’re the best teacher we’ve ever had. I promise, I won’t tell anyone!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slowly, Lupin crossed the room to his desk and sank down in the chair. Lola didn’t know what to do. Werewolves weren’t exactly accepted in Wizard Society. Uncle Atlas had always told her that the Ministry’s regulations against werewolves were a load of rubbish, and after knowing Professor Lupin for the last few months, Lola had proof of that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Professor,” she said in a quiet voice, more serious than she could ever remember being. “I swear, I won’t tell anyone your secret.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Lola.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I— I’ll see you in class tomorrow. Good lesson today, sir.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Squeezing her eyes shut, Lola turned and sprinted out of the classroom. Just as he had promised, Harry was waiting at the door for her. Ron was with him, but Hermione nowhere to be found. Lola scowled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you guys to stop being mad at her!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not my fault!” Ron exclaimed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola scowled. “Just because she wanted to keep Harry safe—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you both stop?” Harry said. “It’s not worth it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <b>[</b>
  <span> … </span>
  <b>]</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can’t you guys </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span> make nice?” Lola groaned, standing in the door to the bathroom so that Hermione couldn’t leave. She brandished her hairbrush wildly, like a sword. “I don’t like being in the middle!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s nothing to </span>
  <em>
    <span>be</span>
  </em>
  <span> in the middle of.” Hermione scowled while she rinsed her toothbrush. “Ron’s being a— a— a </span>
  <em>
    <span>prat</span>
  </em>
  <span> for nothing!” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Clearly</span>
  </em>
  <span>, this wasn’t even about Harry and the Firebolt anymore, even if Ron and Hermione wanted to pretend it was. And she and Harry were stuck in the middle of it all. </span>
  <em>
    <span>So annoying</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened after class today? Before dinner. Ron was in a worse mood than usual.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hermione scoffed. “He got mad at me for saying it was obvious what Lupin was so ill for.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That stalled Lola, and the brush slipped from her hand and clattered loudly against the floor. Hermione looked from the floor to Lola’s face and raised her eyebrows. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t just go around like that,” Lola hissed. “It’s Lupin’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>life</span>
  </em>
  <span> at stake, okay? Merlin, Hermione! I thought— I thought you’d know better than that! Don’t you know what could happen to him if it got out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I— I—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola sighed and picked up her brush. “No, you wouldn’t. I'm sorry. It just— it— It could be bad for him, Hermione. Like, really, really, </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> bad. The Ministry only got rid of beheadings for werewolves, like, thirty years ago.” She crossed the bathroom and grabbed Hermione by the wrists. “You can’t say anything to Ron or Harry, or </span>
  <em>
    <span>anyone</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Just because the Ministry doesn’t behead them anymore, doesn’t mean regular wizards won’t go around and do it themselves.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t get it,” Hermione whispered. “He’s still human.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wizards see werewolves the same way muggles see, you know… people who aren’t white.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right,” Hermione said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Werewolves are classified as Level XXXXX creatures. That’s the classification for Wizard killers. They’re put on the same tier as dragons and basilisks— </span>
  <em>
    <span>basilisks</span>
  </em>
  <span>! Do you see how important this is?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hermione looked like she was on the verge of tears, but she nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harry and Ron can’t know,” Lola said again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t tell them. I promise.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>is "level XXXXX" pronounced as saying five x's in a row, or is "level fifty" or "level five x"? make it make sense lads. </p><p>anyway, let me know what you think about this chapter. i absolutely love reading your thoughts, predictions, and comments.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. The Happiest of Memories</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>how do i make my entire life a love letter to my friends?</p><p>-anonymous</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>On Thursday at eight o’clock, Lola was curled up in her pajamas in front of the fireplace doing her charms essay. Harry, paying this no mind, shoved her things into her bag and hoisted her up by the armpits and promptly started dragging her to the portrait hole. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell?” she grumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anti-dementor lessons,” he reminded her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola perked up at that. She’d been reading up on the Patronus Charm with the book Lupin gave her for Christmas, and she was excited to try her hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, do you ever get the feeling that Lupin would be a really good dad?” Lola asked as they walked towards Uncle Atlas’s classroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry shot her a sideways glance. “Why would I think that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola shrugged. “I dunno. He’s just got this… </span>
  <em>
    <span>presence</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you’re projecting, Lola.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Projecting? Big word! I’m impressed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry rolled his eyes and shoved her with his shoulder. They walked in silence the rest of the way to the classroom. Once they got there, the only had to wait about five minutes for Lupin to arrive, towing a large trunk behind him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that?” Harry asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Another boggart,” Lupin told them. He heaved the trunk onto Uncle Atlas’s desk and put his outer cloak on the back of Uncle Atlas’s chair. “I’ve been combing the castle ever since Tuesday, and very luckily, I found this one lurking inside Mr. Filch’s filing cabinet. It’s the nearest we’ll get to a real dementor. The boggart will turn into a dementor when he sees you, so we’ll be able to practice on him. I can store him in my office when we’re not using him; there’s a cupboard under my desk he’ll like.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Harry said slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To Lola, though, he sounded rather apprehensive about the whole thing. Lupin pulled out his wand and indicated for Harry and Lola to do the same. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The spell I am going to try and teach you is highly advanced magic — well beyond Ordinary Wizarding Level. It is called the Patronus Charm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How does it work?” Harry asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lupin glanced at Lola. “Do you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes!” She cleared her throat quickly to come off less nerdy and enthusiastic. “A Patronus is a sort of… guardian, I guess, that shields you from the dementors. It’s a, um, sort of projection of all the things that a dementor is opposite of. So, hope, happiness, the will to live, and all that. It’s really difficult to do, though, and most adult wizards can’t do it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What does a Patronus look like?” Harry sounded curious, rather than discouraged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Each one is unique to the wizard who conjures it,” Lupin answered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And how do you conjure it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lola?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need to think of a really happy memory and say </span>
  <em>
    <span>expecto patronum</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right,” Harry said, sounding very stiff. He scrunched up his face. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Expecto patronum</span>
  </em>
  <span>, </span>
  <em>
    <span>expecto patronum</span>
  </em>
  <span>…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Concentrating hard on your happy memories?” Lupin asked the both of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola was caught off guard. She’d just come along for moral support. She shook her head and stepped away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harry can go first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She watched him carefully. His eyes were closed and he kept repeating the incantation quietly. Then, suddenly, a wisp of something silver shot out of his wand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Wow</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” Lola exclaimed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you see that?” Harry asked excitedly. “Something happened!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Very good,” Lupin said. He turned to look at Lola. “Would you like to give it a shot?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh… Uh… Sure!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What she didn’t want to say was that she was scared she wasn’t going to be able to do the charm. She was the best in their year at Charms. Professor Flitwick had even told Lupin she was his best student in years. If she couldn’t do it, but Harry could… She bit the inside of her cheek, overcome by the shame of even thinking such a thing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Happy memories,” Lupin told her with a kind smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola faltered, trying to think. Her happiest memories were the feelings of warmth she got when she thought of her childhood, but even </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> felt like a betrayal to Harry. Hot, sticky tears swelled in her eyes and intense nausea clawed at her throat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I— I don’t— I can’t,” Lola said. She shook her head and pocketed her wand. “I’m sorry. I— I need to go!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t until she turned that tears began to flow freely. She felt ridiculous, like a dumb kid. What was the point of this crying? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Stupid!</span>
  </em>
  <span> She wiped harshly at her face and ran to the common room. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>[ </b>
  <span>…</span>
  <b> ]</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry cornered her before lunch the next morning, yanking her aside into an empty corridor. His eyes were wide and nervous. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lola, what happened last night?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just… I freaked myself out, that’s all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffed and looked away from him. When his green eyes peered up at her, all she could see was his mother. She wasn’t sure what Lily Potter ever looked like, but she knew Harry had her eyes. Those shiny, emerald eyes had belonged to his mother before him, and her father was the reason those eyes were no more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Patronus Charm,” she whispered. “I can’t do it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” He was incredulous, eyes riddled with disbelief. “Lola, you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>way</span>
  </em>
  <span> better at charms than me and I managed to do it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s about the memories.” She squeezed her eyes shut. “The happiest memory I have isn’t even a memory. It’s just this… This </span>
  <em>
    <span>feeling</span>
  </em>
  <span> that I’ve had ever since I was a kid. It comes from my dad, Harry. And for my happiest memory to be of him, when— when he’s the reason—” She sniffled loudly and crossed her arms. “I can’t do that to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He scrunched his eyebrows together. “You’re not doing </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span> to me.” He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and squinted at her. “It’s not your fault, you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola folded into herself. “I think I had a dog.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For some reason, that made him laugh. “Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I don’t know, I can’t even think of its name, but I have this distinct memory of being a baby and curling up with a dog. I can </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel</span>
  </em>
  <span> the fur when I concentrate really hard. It was soft and black.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened to it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <b>[</b>
  <span> … </span>
  <b>]</b>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The following Thursday, Harry made Lola come along again for the Patronus lessons. He also made her promise that she would give it a shot. As always, she didn’t know how to say no to Harry. Lupin’s smile when he met them was kind and understanding, like he knew the very root of her anxieties. Well, he knew plenty of her anxieties. She’d spewed them to him many times during many evening chats. Since coming back to school, she hadn’t spent any evenings in his office. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Merlin</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she hoped he didn’t think it was because she knew he was a werewolf. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tomorrow evening, she decided. She’d resume her chats with Lupin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lola’s going first,” Harry said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Traitor,” she hissed in his ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shot her a sideways glance and smirked before skulking off to the back corner of the classroom. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will this even work on me?” Lola gestured loosely with her wand to the case containing the boggart. “That’s Harry’s fear, not mine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The face of Tom Riddle danced tauntingly in the back of her mind. She suppressed a shiver and set her jaw.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s focus on the first step,” Lupin told her kindly. “Do you remember how it works?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She closed her eyes and cleared her mind, thinking of nothing beyond the warmth of her childhood. Whatever else there’d been, there was also a surplus of love. The warmth bloomed in her chest like a whirling firecracker.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Expecto patronum</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She opened her eyes and watched a brilliant jet of silver light explode from the tip of her wand. It curled, like it was attempting to take some sort of form but fizzled out before anything could become of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span> “Oh, wow!” Harry exclaimed from the back corner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lupin stared at her slack jawed and wide-eyed. “Dear Merlin, Lola… That— That’s incredibly impressive. I don’t— That was brilliant.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beside herself, she grinned brightly at him. She tried not to let guilt creep into her mind from the memory. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you feel?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Drained,” Lola admitted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The charm had taken a lot out of her and she was ready to curl up into her bed and sleep for ten uninterrupted hours. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would imagine.” Lupin pulled out a large chocolate bar and held it out to her. “Here. Eat this and sit.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>oh my god! i've been lacking big time on updating this, which i'm very sorry about. my sibling was recently hospitalized and i've been in charge of making sure my house doesn't fall apart while my mom stays with them, and also take care of my sister. it's been really stressful!</p><p>anyway, i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. please lmk what you think.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. The Dementor's Kiss</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>this is not a love story, but love is in it. that is, love is just outside it, looking for a way to break in.</p><p>-lighthousekeeping // jeanette winterson</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Into February, Harry’s dementor lessons continued and he got more and more frustrated with his inability to produce a corporeal Patronus as the Gryffindor match against Ravenclaw drew nearer and nearer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C’mon Harry, it’ll be fine!” Lola said cheerfully, kicking her feet against the front of the desk she was sitting on. “You’ll get it eventually.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lola’s right, Harry. You’re expecting too much of yourself,” Lupin said in a stern but kind voice. “For a thirteen-year-old wizard, even an indistinct Patronus is a huge achievement. You aren’t passing out anymore, are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry frowned and kicked out dispiritedly at the nearest table leg. “I thought a Patronus would… charge the dementors down or something. Make them disappear—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The true Patronus does do that,” Lupin told him. “But you’ve achieved a great deal in a very short space of time. If the dementors put in an appearance at your next Quidditch match, you will be able to keep them at bay long enough to get back to the ground.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You said it’s harder if there are loads of them,” said Harry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have complete confidence in you,” Lupin said with a broad smile. “Here — you’ve earned a drink — something from the Three Broomsticks. You won’t have tried it before—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Butterbeer!” Harry exclaimed. “Yeah, I like that stuff!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola glared at him and waved her hand across her throat behind Lupin’s back to stop Harry. He met her eyes, suddenly panicked. He really was <em>terrible</em> at thinking on his feet. Thank Merlin he had her around, honestly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ron and Hermione brought us a couple bottles back from Hogsmeade the last trip,” Lola said quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lupin turned around and raised an eyebrow at Lola, looking very suspicious. “I see.” He hummed quietly but thankfully dropped the subject. “Well —  let’s drink to a Gryffindor victory against Ravenclaw! Not that I’m supposed to take sides, as a teacher…”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola grinned at him and took tiny sips from the butterbeer. When Harry finished his bottle she silently handed hers off to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s under a dementor’s hood?” Lola asked suddenly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The thought had been lingering in the back of her mind for days, and when she asked Uncle Atlas about it, all he did was make a very strangled sounding noise and told her to find something better to do with her time than think about evil creatures. </span>
  <span>Lupin raised his eyebrows and lowered his bottle with a thoughtful look on his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>““Hmmm… Well, the only people who really know are in no condition to tell us. You see, the dementor lowers its hood only to use its last and worst weapon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry and Lola exchanged a look. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that?” Harry asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They call it the Dementor’s Kiss.” An almost twisted smile made its way across his face. He sighed and rubbed his jaw. “It’s what dementors do to those they wish to destroy utterly. I suppose there must be some kind of mouth under there, because they clamp their jaws upon the mouth of the victim and— and suck out his soul.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry spat out some of his butterbeer in shock. Groaning, Lola shook some of it off her hand and glared at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” he asked. “They kill—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh no,” Lupin said gravely. “Much worse than that. You can exist without your soul, you know, as long as your brain and heart are still working. But you’ll have no sense of self anymore, no memory, no… anything. There’s no chance at all of recovery. You’ll just — exist. As an empty shell. And your soul is gone forever… lost.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola bit her lip. She wrung her hands together and side glanced Harry. Huffing, she looked up at Lupin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re gonna do it to him right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lupin met her eyes. “Yes. It was in the Daily Prophet this morning. The Ministry have given the dementors permission to perform it if they find him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola couldn’t say she was surprised. What did surprise her, though, were the tears that threatened to spring from her eyes. She sniffed sharply and looked down at her lap, squeezing her eyes shut. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Without even a trial</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Uncle Atlas’s words rang loud in her mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He deserves it,” Harry said suddenly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola bit her cheek to keep herself from squeaking in shock. She couldn’t blame Harry, but that… </span>
  <em>
    <span>That’s my dad</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she realized with a crushing sense of finality. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think so?” Lupin’s voice was light. “Do you really think anyone deserves that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Lola thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Harry said. His voice was full of angry conviction. “For… For some things…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before she even realized what she was doing, Lola laughed. She threw her head back and cackled. She buried her face in her hands and shrieked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Lola said with a laughing hiccup, brushing a tear off her cheek. “I just— </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wow</span>
  </em>
  <span>! The Dementor’s Kiss… Holy Merlin, that’s— That’s crazy!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She covered her mouth and giggled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harry, would you mind—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right, yeah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry sprung off the desk he was sharing with Lola and sprinted away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lola,” Lupin said quietly. “Hey, Lola. Are you all right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She just kept laughing, even as tears poured down her face. She thought of the article about her father that she read back in September. When the aurors found him, he’d done nothing but laugh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just like him!” Lola screeched. A violent hiccup shook her shoulders. “I— I hate this!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lupin stared at her, concern scribbled all across his face. Silently, he conjured up a glass and filled it with water. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Drink.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hands shaking, she took the glass and gulped it down. The hiccups died down, and so did the laughter. She sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lupin squeezed her shoulder and smiled kindly. “You’ve nothing to apologize for.” He licked his lips and hesitated for a moment before sitting down next to her. “You’re allowed to feel conflicted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you?” she asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lupin was silent for a long while. Then, “Yes. I do. And I know your uncle does as well.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How have you guys dealt with this?” Lola wipes at her cheeks with the sleeve of her shirt. “I mean… I just… I don’t get it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to. You’re fourteen, yes, but you’re still just a kid.” Lupin tapped her glass and refilled it with water. “It’s a lot to handle. You can’t expect yourself to have easy, tidy, simple feelings about it. There’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing</span>
  </em>
  <span> easy about this.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola took another sip of water to avoid having to speak. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He was— I thought he was my friend from the time I was eleven years old until the very day I saw the headlines,” Lupin confessed. “It’s not easy, and he tricked us all exceedingly well.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola squeezed her eyes shut, but more tears slipped out anyway. With a loud thud, she put the glass down on the table and watched water spill out from the force. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m never going to get any answers from him, am I?” she asked, feeling rather miserable. “They’ll kill him before any questions can be answered.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They won’t— They won’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>kill</span>
  </em>
  <span> him.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’d be kinder if they did,” Lola snapped. “The Dementor’s Kiss— That’s evil… Taking someone’s soul away? Merlin, I feel </span>
  <em>
    <span>sick</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lupin frowned her. “I’m sorry, Lola. You don’t deserve this.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She let out a wet laugh and shrugged. “Not your fault.” She wiped her face and got off the desk. “Thank you for always listening, Professor.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As always, his smile was sad when he looked at her. “Of course, Lola.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pressed her tongue against the back of her teeth and spoke before she chickened out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Professor? If— If they never even gave him a trial in the first place, then— then how do they know he really did it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lupin fixed her with a steady gaze. “Lola, in my experience it’s best not to make excuses for Sirius.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She opened her mouth but then closed it and nodded. “Right. Yeah, no— That makes sense. I’m— I’m sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t need to apologize. It’s understandable. You— You want a father.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You want a father</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Lola would’ve rather Lupin screamed at her and called her an idiot. She’d never thought about that before, really. Of course she always wondered about her father, but she was always fine with Uncle Atlas. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Merlin</span>
  </em>
  <span>, this was all so complicated. Was this a part of puberty or was she just crazy? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Lola whispered. “I do. I— I’m gonna go to bed. Thanks again, Professor. For everything.” </span>
</p><p>
  <b>[</b>
  <span> … </span>
  <b>]</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh my Lola, lo-lo-lo-lo Lolaaaa</span>
  </em>
  <span>…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mortified by her crying, Lola squared her shoulders and looked up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, George.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All six feet of him grinned down at her as he made his way down the corridor to where she was sitting. When he reached her, he sat down beside her and rested his forearms against his knees. His wand dangled carelessly between his fingers and his sleeves were rolled up enough to show off his freckles and the scar on his right arm from a misplaced muggle firecracker that she </span>
  <em>
    <span>certainly</span>
  </em>
  <span> did not give him and Fred last summer.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s Fred?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Off snogging Leanne Weathers in some broom closet.” George scoffed and leaned his head back against the stone. “Which means I was abandoned in the library!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about Lee?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah. He’s somewhere with Davey Harper.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola scrunched her eyebrows together and tried to place the boy. “Hufflepuff? Seventh year?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sixth,” George corrected. “As I said. Abandoned.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola snickered quietly and hugged her knees to her chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You crying?” George asked. He tilted his head and looked down at her. “And don’t lie. Your face is wet and I do have a little sister.” He nudged her shoulder and grinned. “What’s up?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s— Look, if I tell you something, will you promise— No, will you </span>
  <em>
    <span>solemnly swear</span>
  </em>
  <span> to not tell anyone a word of what I say? Not even Fred.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>George’s face was more serious than she’d ever seen. “Of course.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s my dad,” Lola whispered. “He’s—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sirius Black.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt like she’d fallen ten feet and landed right on her back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How— How’d you— </span>
  <em>
    <span>Huh</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do read, you know,” George said. “Fred and I figured it out in September.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fred knows too?” Lola squeaked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, and it’s fine,” George told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She felt the tears coming again and quickly wiped them away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re gonna kill him,” Lola whispered. “The dementors… And I know he’s awful and he deserves to be punished for what he did, but… If they kill him, I— I’ll never be able to get any answers. I’ll never be able to look him in the eye and ask him why he did what he did.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t know why she was unloading all of this on George. Probably because he was there, and probably the least judgemental person she knew. Well, Fred too. She just wasn’t sure if Fred would’ve stopped to sit with her. He would’ve hoisted her up and dragged her to the common room. She wasn’t sure which was her preferred method. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sucks,” George said bluntly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Lola licked her lips and furrowed her eyebrows. “Hey, what were you doing in the library, anyway?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you keep a secret, lovely Lola?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She snorted. “Yeah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fred and I have been working on developing some, uh… special products.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Drugs</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Lola hissed. “George, you can’t!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughed. “No, not drugs. Don’t be silly, Lola. We’re still thinking up a name, but I’m partial to Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like the alliteration!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you!” George grinned in a very self pleased way. “We want to open a joke shop eventually, but we’re starting small. I’ve thought up this little thing called a Puking Pastille. See, it looks like your average sweet, but one end makes you vomit like nothing else and— </span>
  <em>
    <span>Boom</span>
  </em>
  <span>! You get out of class for the day.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, that’s fantastic,” Lola gasped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See, I knew I could count on your support, Lola.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled at him and tugged at her bottom lip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“George?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for listening to me. This— Well, it’s not really something I can talk to Harry, or Ron and Hermione even, about.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nudged his shoulder against hers. “Anything for you, little bit.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>there's just... so much to unpack here. i think my favorite bit is when remus says "in my experience it’s best not to make excuses for sirius.” like UGH ya know? because remus is clearly thinking about the prank and all the other shit they got up to in their Youth™ and how that all led to sirius "betraying them" !!! ik i'm the one who wrote it but that shit still breaks my heart.</p><p>lmao anyway lmk what you think comments are the only things that bring me joy rn and i just had to drop almost 2k on a new laptop for school bc i'm a dumbass and spilled lemonade all over the one i got for my 18th birthday so like bye-bye savings</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. The Snogging Corridor</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>i know about me. i am the moon's sister, a tidal child stranded on land. the sea always in my ear, a surf of eternal discontent in my blood</p><p>-keri hulme</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The next few weeks passed without much incident. There were no more Sirius Black sightings, and though that worried Lola she tried her best not to think about it — especially since no one was getting hurt. She went with Harry to his Patronus lessons, and hung around in the classroom after Defense Against the Dark Arts to talk to Lupin. She worried after Hermione and begged her to go to McGonagall to drop a class. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola had seen the chain around Hermione’s neck and done enough research to gather that Hermione was using a TimeTurner. She hadn’t worked out a way to bring it up to Hermione without causing a breakdown, though, so Lola kept her mouth shut on it and winced as Hermione got more and more hysterical each day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The worst began the very night Lupin revealed Sirius Black was to receive the Dementor’s Kiss upon his capture. Lola missed it, but Harry filled her in when she returned to the common room with George, puffy-eyed from crying. Apparently, Crookshanks had eaten Scabbers. Lola couldn’t say she was sad to hear that, but she did feel bad for Ron and she couldn’t exactly begrudge him for being angry with Hermione. After all, how many times had she told Hermione to be more careful with Crookshanks?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even so, both Lola and Harry were certain Ron and Hermione’s friendship would never recover. They were both adamant they were in the right, and it just stressed Lola out. She despised the middle man role she’d been assigned. She wanted desperately to be there for Hermione, but any time Lola brought it up Hermione fell to pieces and yelled at her for taking Ron’s side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gryffindor won the quidditch match against Ravenclaw, putting them back at the front of the running for the House Cup. Harry’s Firebolt mixed with his natural talent gave him almost a completely unfair advantage against Cho Chang, the Ravenclaw seeker, but Lola couldn’t find it in herself to feel bad. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a party that night, which Lola found she really needed as George and Fred supplied loads of Honeydukes candy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All thanks to the dear Marauders,” George told her with a grin, handing her a giant chocolate bar. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola took it carefully. “Did you steal all this?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We left some money,” George assured her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Some</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” She wrinkled her nose. “Next time you go, let me know. Uncle Atlas gives me an allowance. I can leave more than enough.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>George opened his mouth to say something, but was called away by Fred before he could get it out. She kept herself rooted where she was and watched as the twins began juggling bottles of butterbeer. It was like a handsome circus act. She only looked away when Harry tapped her on the shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm? What?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked from her to where her eyes were glued on George and scoffed. Then, he pointed to a corner of the tower. Hermione was sitting by herself, reading their Muggle Studies textbook. She sighed loudly and walked over to Hermione.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you even come to the match?” Harry asked her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course I did,” Hermione said. She didn’t look up from the book. “And I’m very glad we won, and I think you did really well, but I need to read this by Monday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola rolled her eyes and placed her hand in the middle of the book to pause Hermione’s reading. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, Hermione! Take a break and get some food. You’re gonna kill yourself over this!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t, Lola!” Hermione exclaimed, sounding borderline hysterical. “I’ve still got four hundred and twenty-two pages to read! Anyway…” She trailed off and glared at where Ron was sitting. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>He</span>
  </em>
  <span> doesn’t want me to join in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola groaned internally. She was sick of the fighting. At that very moment, Ron unfortunately chose to say very loudly, “If Scabbers hadn’t just been eaten, he could have had some of those Fudge Flies. He used to really like them—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Upon hearing that, Hermione burst into tears. Lola turned with a scowl and glared at Ron. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna kill him,” Lola muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She started towards him but Harry grabbed her and held her back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “Don’t defend him!” she hissed. “Hermione’s going through something and he’s being a jerk.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry faltered but nodded. He pulled her over to Ron and gave him a look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can’t you give her a break?” Harry asked quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Ron said flatly. “If she just acted like she was sorry — but she’ll never admit she’s wrong, Hermione. She’s still acting like Scabbers has gone on vacation or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola rolled her eyes and walked back over to where George and Fred were. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, guys,” she said glumly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up with you?” Fred asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I stayed over there, I’d punch your brother in the throat.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>George snickered and lifted his bottle of butterbeer in salute. He pulled a brand new bottle out of seemingly nowhere and handed it off to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah,” Lola said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Don’t trust me?” George asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t really like butterbeer.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, say that again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. “It’s like… </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I guess.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, you don’t like butterbeer, you don’t like tea… Anything else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um… I hate The Beatles.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Some Muggle band that every man thinks is the end-all-be-all of music.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Clearly they haven’t heard the Weird Sisters,” George scoffed. “Though, I have to say, the greatest song ever has to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>Lola</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola felt her lips curl back into a grin so wide that her cheeks ached. He winked and she looked away with flaming cheeks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Say, wanna head to the kitchens with me for a bit?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola blinked. “I, uh… Sure!” Her voice came out high and squeaky, like a cartoon. She cleared her throat. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s fine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grinned at her and got up, leaving the bottles of butterbeer on the table. She followed him out of the common room and burrowed her hands into her pockets in case George tried to hold her hand or something. But then— </span>
  <em>
    <span>Am I being ridiculous? Why would he try that?</span>
  </em>
  <span> She bit her lip and glanced at him from the corner of her eye. As always, he looked completely at ease. Like he wasn’t even thinking of grabbing her hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, how do you even get into the kitchens?” Lola mustered up the courage to ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tickle the pear,” George told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s a great big portrait,” George explained. “It’s a fruit bowl and you need to tickle the pear.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Cool.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled her hands out of her pockets and crossed her arms. They rounded a corner and walked down a corridor. At the end, Peeves was bobbing up and down fiddling with one of the suits of armor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Merlin,” Lola muttered. “Let’s take another way before—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But, there was no time. Peeves spotted them and cackled mirthfully. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oafy and Georgie!” Peeves shrieked. “What are </span>
  <em>
    <span>you two</span>
  </em>
  <span> doing in the snogging corridor?” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The what?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Panic spiked through Lola’s blood. She turned to George accusingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You brought me </span>
  <em>
    <span>where</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” he exclaimed. “Not like that!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peeves rushed over to them and blew a loud, wet raspberry in Lola’s face. She flinched away instinctively, expecting to get a face full of spit. Of course, Peeves was a ghost and that wasn’t possible. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What were you doing with that suit of armor anyway?” George asked, peaking around the ghost’s shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“None of your beeswax,” Peeves scoffed. “Now, scram before I scream.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wouldn’t.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola winced, knowing what was about to occur. Peeves let out the loudest holler she’d ever heard. A meow sounded off from the back of the corridor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mrs. Norris,” Lola said. “Filch can’t be far off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Spoke too soon,” George muttered as footsteps drew nearer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looped his hand around Lola’s wrist and took off running. She could hear Filch yelling after them, which only made her laugh despite the threat of detention. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get back here, you mongrels!” Filch yelled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mongrels!” Lola cackled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>George pulled a firecracker out of his pocket and tossed it over his shoulder. Filch howled as it went off at his feet. George yanked her down another corridor and pulled her into a broom cupboard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” Lola hissed. “The snogging corridor and now a broom cupboard? What are you playing at, George?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing! </span>
  <em>
    <span>Really</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he insisted. “I wouldn’t—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kiss me?” she asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, that’s not what I meant!” From the small sliver of light shining through the crack in the door from the corridor she could see his shoulders hunch. “I mean— Merlin, I don’t— I’m not trying to be crude.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola’s lips quirked up at the corners and she was glad George couldn’t see her face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Crude?” She snickered quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, go on, Black! Laugh it out. Laugh - it - out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She licked her lips and knocked her toe against his ankle, settling back against the wall of the broom cupboard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long do you reckon we’ve got to wait here?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A few more minutes then we should be safe.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Lola finally climbed back through the portrait hole, Harry stared at her. Ron beckoned her over. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What were you doing with George?” Ron snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola smirked. The easiest way to rile Ron up was through his brothers. In a very mild voice, she said, “Took a detour to the fifth floor.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The snogging corridor?” he yelped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged noncommittally. “Oh, you know a lady never kisses and tells.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<em>What</em>?” both Ron and Harry exclaimed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grinned with a wink and wandered off to where Parvati and Lavender were sitting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The festivities lasted until a little after one in the morning when McGonagall burst through the door, wrapped in a tartan dressing gown. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To bed, all of you!” she ordered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without much complaint, they complied and all began to drift off to their respective dormitories. Lola collapsed onto her bed face down and passed out. She dreamt again of dogs and wolves and the faint cooing lullaby of a deep voice singing. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly</span>
  </em>
  <span>… </span>
  <span>It was a strangely comforting dream, something that felt more like a memory of a warm, happier time than an actual dream. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The comfort was yanked away before she even knew it was there. She woke up to the sound of a distant scream. She shot up in bed, gasping and clutching her chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you hear the scream?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All five of them were awake now, scrambling out of their beds. Footsteps thundered down the stairs outside their door. Lola flung the door open and watched the boys follow Ron down the stairs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harry! Ron!” Lola yelled, leaping down the staircase. “What’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s all the noise?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Professor McGonagall told us to go to bed!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George and Fred popped up next to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excellent!” Fred exclaimed. “Are we carrying on?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everyone back upstairs!” Percy ordered, sprinting down the stairs from his dorm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perce — Sirius Black!” Ron yelled. “In our dormitory! With a knife! Woke me up!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola felt woozy. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius Black. With a knife. In Harry and Ron’s room</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She clapped a hand to her mouth. George put his hand on her shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nonsense!” Percy looked startled, but Lola could tell he was trying to conceal it. “You had too much to eat, Ron — had a nightmare—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m telling you—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, really, enough’s enough!” Professor McGonagall entered the common room in a fury, slamming the portrait behind her. She glowered at all of them. “Now, I am delighted that Gryffindor won the match, but this is getting ridiculous! Percy, I expected better of you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I certainly didn’t authorize this, Professor!” Percy was indignant, puffing his chest out to show off his Head Boy badge. “I was just telling them all to go back to bed! My brother Ron, here, had a nightmare—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“IT WASN’T A NIGHTMARE!” Ron bellowed. “PROFESSOR, I WOKE UP, AND SIRIUS BLACK WAS STANDING OVER ME, HOLDING A KNIFE!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>McGonagall stalled and stared at Ron for a moment. She shook her head. “Don’t be ridiculous, Weasley, how could he possibly have gotten through the portrait hole?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ask him!” Ron screamed, jabbing his hand towards the back of Sir Cadogan’s portrait. “Ask him if he saw—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola held her breath and stared up at George. He frowned down at her sympathetically. No one spoke as McGonagall went back outside to ask Sir Cadogan. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sir Cadogan, did you just let a man enter Gryffindor Tower?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Certainly, good lady!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola let out a strangled cry. Harry looked back at her, stunned. They locked eyes, and Lola could feel the weight of all of Gryffindor House’s silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You — you </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” McGonagall asked. “But — but the password!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He had ‘em! Had the whole week’s, my lady! Read ‘em off a little piece of paper!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was no other sound. McGonagall climbed back through the portrait hole, white as chalk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Which person,” she started, voice shaking, “which abysmally foolish wrote down this week’s passwords and left them lying around?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola squeezed her eyes shut, knowing the answer already. Neville, with his poor memory, confessed to her on Tuesday what he’d done. He couldn’t remember a single password Sir Cadogan set. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hope you all enjoyed! let me know your thoughts!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. The Letter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>how every lullaby began with wailing, as if pain could not exit the body any other way.</p><p>-on earth we’re briefly gorgeous // ocean vuong</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Lola didn’t sleep at all that night. She sat in the common room, clutching Harry’s hand and holding her breath, bracing herself for the worst news. When dawn came, McGonagall finally returned and told them regretfully that Sirius Black had — once again — escaped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lola, your uncle wishes to speak with you,” McGonagall said quietly, so not to draw everyone’s attention to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slowly, Lola pulled her hand from Harry’s and got up. They walked in silence to the dungeons where Uncle Atlas’s quarters were. Halfway there, McGonagall stopped Lola.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re aware of your relationship to Sirius Black,” McGonagall said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola had been expecting this conversation since last term, but that didn’t make it any easier. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” she said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>McGonagall frowned and pressed a hand to Lola’s shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This must be very difficult on you. I know you have your uncle, and that you’ve taken to Professor Lupin, but know my door is always open to you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Professor,” Lola whispered, suddenly feeling on the verge of tears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, Lola.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Uncle Atlas was in his living quarters looking distinctly rumpled, sheet white and still in his pajamas. He leapt up and pulled Lola into a rib-cracking hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A knife!” he exclaimed, a wild look in his gray eyes. “A bloody knife! And— and that blasted portrait!” He held Lola’s face in his hands and she could see how truly tired he was. There were lines in his face that she’d never noticed before. “Thank Merlin you’re all right.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll leave you two,” McGonagall said quietly. “Quite glad you’re both all right.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once they were alone, Uncle Atlas gave Lola a long, hard stare. He sank down into a seat and she watched his shoulders hunch forward. Suddenly, he looked far older than his thirty-four years. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wish—” His voice broke off with a boyish crack. “Merlin, Lola, I wish I could protect you more.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola bit her lip. “S’not like he wants to kill </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Uncle Atlas let out a bitter laugh and tilted his head up to the ceiling. He squeezed his eyes shut and she wouldn’t have been surprised if he was fighting off tears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He might not want to hurt you, but— I have no idea what he’d do to get to you, how many people he would destroy in his path to find you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola’s stomach lurched. She hadn’t thought about that. Would Sirius do that? Would he kill Hermione, Ron, Harry—</span>
  <em>
    <span>all of them—</span>
  </em>
  <span>just to get to her? Her gut told her yes, given his violent history. Thirteen muggles just to get to one man. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe— maybe we should get away…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You mean… leave Hogwarts?” Lola asked thickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Uncle Atlas looked up at her, and she could see how desperate he was becoming. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! We can’t! I mean— Please, Uncle Atlas. We can’t run away!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m at a loss, Lola! I don’t know how to protect you! Hogwarts should have been the safest place for you— for </span>
  <em>
    <span>us</span>
  </em>
  <span>! But if he can escape Azkaban, he can follow us anywhere!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If he can follow us, what’s the point of leaving?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I suppose you’re right.” Uncle Atlas crumpled like a man on the brink. He pinched his eyes and shook his head. Then, he looked up and almost smiled. “How’d you get so wise, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just following your example.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grimaced when he looked up at her tearfully. Uncle Atlas raised her well and she had no complaints of merit about him, but he’d never been much of an emotional man. Clearly, this ordeal with Sirius Black was putting him through the ringer. Then, he smiled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come, I’ll walk you back to Gryffindor Tower. You should be with your friends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In every corridor they passed through, Lola could see signs of tighter security. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Professor Flitwick is charming the front doors to recognize Sirius,” Uncle Atlas told her quietly as Filch bustled by them in an angry hurry. Then, his lips quirked upwards. “Though, he assured me they wouldn’t confuse me for him despite the similarities. I’d hate to have a hoard of dementors swarm down on me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola thought back to what Lupin said about the Dementor’s Kiss. Even with all she knew, she couldn’t shake the feeling that Sirius Black didn’t deserve </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>. No one did, though. She was certain of that. It was a fate worse than death. She’d rather he rot in prison, fully aware of his crimes and why he was there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Fat Lady was back in her prime condition, nervously pacing the confines of her portrait. Before letting Lola in, she told her all about how she demanded a protection unit. Apparently, Dumbledore would be assigning security trolls for that job. Lola found that a bit funny, but neither her uncle nor the Fat Lady joined in on her amusement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone was still in the Common Room when Lola returned. They stared at her expectantly, like she could provide them with long-awaited answers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We worked it out,” Cormac McLaggen, a brutish fourth-year, spoke up. His group of friends looked at him and one girl even swatted him on the arm, but he brushed her off. “He’s your dad, isn’t he?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Every single Gryffindor student was staring at her. Maybe homicidal tendencies did run in her family, because she got the urge to leap across the table and throw Cormac out of the window. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Lola said, feeling rather brave. “That’s right. Got a problem with it, do you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before anyone could speak, the twins did something very unexpected.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If anyone’s got a problem with it—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“—they can take it up with us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola smiled at them gratefully. No one seemed to want to challenge the Weasley Twins, lest they fall victim to some horrid prank, and all eyes averted into different directions. Lola had never been more grateful to the twins. Sometimes it really did pay off to have older friends. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tiredness finally hitting her, she walked over to Harry, Hermione, and Ron. Harry was sat in the middle, looking fairly uncomfortable from the tension between the other two. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did your uncle want?” Hermione asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To make sure I was okay,” Lola said. She rubbed the back of her neck. “How are you all holding up?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Really, she meant Harry and she was pretty sure they knew that because it was him that answered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.” She looked around the common room. Nobody was staring at her, but she knew they were all whispering about her. “I’m gonna just go to bed, I think. Wake me up for dinner, will you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not waiting for an answer, she walked up the stairs to the girls’ dormitory. She pulled back her sheets and fixed her pillow and furrowed her eyebrows. An envelope was sticking out from under the pillow. Her blood ran cold when she pulled it out and saw her name scribbled down in the same chicken scratch from Christmas. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Against her better judgement, she climbed into bed and pulled the curtains around her bed closed. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lola,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m sorry for scaring you at Christmas. I hope you know I would never cause you harm. The same goes to your uncle and Remus. I wish I could explain it all to you in person. I wish none of this needed to happen, but, of course, it does. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What I need you to know is, I was not the one to kill all those muggles. Peter Pettigrew is the real villain of this story. He betrayed the Potters. He was Voldemort’s spy. I was young, and stupid, and angry, and I thought I could outsmart him. I didn’t kill him that day. He cut off his finger and faked his death by turning into the rat he always was. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I would never hurt Harry. I love that boy nearly as much as I love you. I love you, blackbird. Everything will be okay.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dad.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>the weasley twins are everything to me, actually. they're the unexpected sort to stick up for someone in lola's position, but i think this is where the older sibling genese kick in. they love lola, so they protect her. </p><p>let me know your thoughts, especially on uncle atlas and how he and lola interact with each other. i'm very excited to see how you all think the story's set to go!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Confliction</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>we are, i am, you are<br/>by cowardice or courage<br/>the one who find our way <br/>back to this scene<br/>carrying a knife, a camera<br/>a book of myths<br/>in which <br/>our names do not appear</p><p>-diving into the wreck // adrienne rich</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>If someone grabbed Lola by the collar and forced Veritaserum down her throat, even then she wouldn’t have been able to explain why she kept the letter from Sirius Black secret. Luckily, her friends thought her new, quiet attitude was all to do with the break-in and him getting away yet again. Hermione and Harry on separate occasions had asked her if her newfound aversion to spending time with them was about Ron’s new celebrity status in the school and him only talking about the break-in. Lola let them think that and spent her time in the library, pouring over all the records she could get her hands on from the wartime. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Two days after the break in, Lola was so distraught over Neville receiving a Howler from his grandmother—<em>It wasn't his fault! Why didn't everyone understand that?—</em>that Harry had to shake her to draw her attention. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fancy a trip to Hagrid’s?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Lola said absentmindedly, staring after Neville as he sprinted out of the Great Hall. “I, um, have stuff to do.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She got up from the table without another word and made her way to the library. There were, unfortunately, more important things than tea with Hagrid. In the library was a vast section of Hogwarts yearbooks. Lola found one from 1977, which would have been Sirius Black’s final year at Hogwarts. She flipped it to the Gryffindor section. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the very front, James Potter stood proud with his Quidditch team, his captain’s badge glinting brightly even with the black and white print. Right at his side was Sirius Black, with his arm slung over James’s shoulders. Both men — </span>
  <em>
    <span>no, boys</span>
  </em>
  <span> — grinned broadly and handsomely, like they thought nothing could ever touch them. She just didn’t understand how someone could fake that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She reached into her pocket and pulled out the letter. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I love that boy nearly as much as I love you</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Your father saw you as the only thing he did right.”</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She flipped the pages until she landed on Peter Pettigrew’s picture. He had thin blond hair and small, watery eyes. When she found a picture of him with James Potter, Sirius Black, and Professor Lupin, Lola couldn’t figure out what the other boys saw in Peter. Compared to all of them, he looked spectacularly unspectacular. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He turned into the rat he always was</span>
  </em>
  <span>… Lola pulled out the old copies of the Daily Prophet she’d checked out yesterday. A grim photo of Sirius Black and James Potter at a destroyed building with the Dark Mark blasted into the sky was the main story of this particular edition. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>AURORS, SIRIUS BLACK AND JAMES POTTER, AT THE SCENE OF THE ATTACK.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>What had Peter Pettigrew done during the war? Lola could recall her uncle briefly, once, mentioning something called </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Order</span>
  </em>
  <span> with Lupin back at Christmas. Sirius Black had been a part of that. Nobody suspected him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No one</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone thought — </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span>, everyone knew that Sirius Black betrayed the Potters and sold them out to Voldemort. So, why didn’t it feel right? Did Sirius do it for her like Uncle Atlas thought? Had Voldemort threatened her to get to the Potters? But, what did that have to do with Peter Pettigrew being the true villain? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He cut his finger off and faked his death by turning into the rat he always was</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But what did that even </span>
  <em>
    <span>mean</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Lola was on the verge of tearing her hair out in clumps. She slammed the yearbook shut and shoved it back into the shelf, which made the shelf shudder angrily at her in response. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, it hit her. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What if Sirius was never the secret keeper?</span>
  </em>
  <span> But, who could she bring this to? Who would believe her, or even just hear her out without tossing her aside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her mind went scarily calm then. She’d need to find a way to talk to Sirius himself. Taking a deep breath, she left the library and headed straight to the common room. Harry had the map, and she needed it. Nobody paid her much attention as she climbed the stairs into the boys’ dormitories. Everyone in Gryffindor was plenty used to her going where she pleased. The Marauder’s Map was tucked underneath Harry’s mattress and she replaced it with a note to tell him she had taken it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She climbed into her bed and once again drew the curtains sharply around her. Using her wand for light, she activated the map. If she couldn’t find Sirius somewhere on the grounds, she would be back to ground zero and have to learn how to use the Patronus Charm as communication. And she had zero clue how to do that and if she had to resort to asking Lupin, he’d say something to Uncle Atlas if not Dumbledore and the Ministry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was granted no such luck. She couldn’t find Sirius Black anywhere on the map. Maybe it was for the best, though. Maybe she was being stupid. Still, she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was very, very wrong with all of this. She trailed her finger through the passageways of Hogwarts and stalled. The tip of her finger landed on a name that never should have existed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter Pettigrew was running through the corridor that once housed Fluffy. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He cut off his finger and faked his death</span>
  </em>
  <span>… All that had ever been found of him was a finger, no other body parts. How could a measly finger have survived complete decimation when every other bit of his body didn’t? It couldn’t have. Peter Pettigrew was alive. And if Peter Pettigrew was alive, that blew the whole case wide open on Sirius Black. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He wasn’t even given a trial</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Had Uncle Atlas suspected this all along? Did he have an inkling that not all was as it seemed? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola looked to the boys’ dorms and found Harry and Ron in their beds. She wiped the map and scrambled into the dorm. Harry was awake, eating chocolate while all the other boys slept. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lola, what—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She muffled his voice off by holding her hand over his mouth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need to talk to you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She climbed onto his bed and drew the curtains around them. The curtains were thick enough that if they spoke quietly no one would hear them if they woke up suddenly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without saying anything, she activated the map and found Peter Pettigrew again. Now, he was on the fourth floor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Peter Pettigrew,” she whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry furrowed his eyebrows and stared at the spot next to her finger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But— but he’s dead.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Apparently not,” Lola said gravely. She licked her lips and curled her fingers around her wand. “I’m gonna go find him.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lola, it— it’s a mistake!” he whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How could it be?” she hissed. “The map’s enchanted to show every person that’s on Hogwarts’ grounds!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>dead</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Then I'll talk to his ghost!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Don't you think Dumbledore would know if his ghost was on the grounds?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola glared at him and grabbed the chocolate from his hand. She shoved it in her mouth and chewed on it angrily. It was some of the Honeydukes from Lupin’s last Patronus lesson. </span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>“The spiders!”</em> </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola wrenched the curtains open and stared straight across at Ron’s bed. He shot up, sweating and still mostly asleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They want me to tap dance! But I don’t want to tap dance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You tell those spiders, Ron,” Harry said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola snickered quietly into her hand, glad for the much needed levity brought by Ron. Once he laid back down, they were surrounded by heavy silence. She turned back to Harry, resolute in her decision.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to find him, and you can come with me, but you can’t stop me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry stared at her, his face obscured by shadows. Then, he sighed and swung his feet off the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine. Let’s go.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola grinned at him and grabbed him by the hand to lead the way out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shouldn’t we take the cloak?” Harry asked quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would we need it? We have this.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wagged the map in his face and stepped through the portrait hole. Harry rolled his eyes at her, but he followed her nonetheless. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They walked silently through the Portrait’s Corridor, wands alight. Lola had her eyes trained solely on the map, trying to find where Peter Pettigrew had run off to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Put that light out!” an angry man yelled at her from his painting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola ignored him and flicked a rude hand gesture over her shoulder while Harry hurriedly apologized and pushed her hand down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stopped beside a room the makers of the map had labeled as the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Room of Doom</span>
  </em>
  <span>, which really just looked like an abandoned classroom. According to the map, Peter Pettigrew should have been right in front of them, headed their way. But, there was no man. Harry looked at her worriedly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She could hear a quiet scratching, though, and it turned her blood cold. She swung her wand around, looking at every angle. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nothing</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” she hissed. “I know you’re there, Pettigrew! Show yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The map showed Peter Pettigrew right in front of her, then running past her. The scratching grew louder and Lola just sort of wanted to cry. They turned around and Harry shouted, shocked by the presence of a mirror on the wall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Watch it there, boy!” a painting yelled at Harry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re trying to sleep!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola looked back down at the map, and while Peter Pettigrew was running away down another corridor, Snape was rounding on the one they were standing in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Nox</span>
  </em>
  <span>! Mischief Managed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shoved the map into the front pocket of Harry’s hoodie and pulled him forward. She wasn’t fast enough. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Potter. Black. What are you doing wandering the corridors at night?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without much of a thought, Lola blurted out what she felt would be the most realistic excuse. “Snogging.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately, at the same time, Harry said, “Sleepwalking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Under the harsh light of Snape’s wand, they both turned to each other glaring. Snape didn’t look impressed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How </span>
  <em>
    <span>extraordinarily</span>
  </em>
  <span> like your fathers, you are,” Snape sneered. Lola didn’t miss the plural and glared up at him. “They, too, were exceedingly arrogant, strutting about the castle.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My dad didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>strut</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Harry scoffed. “And nor do I. Now, if you don’t mind, I would appreciate it if you could lower your wand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Snape rolled his eyes. “Turn out your pockets.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Harry didn’t, Snape repeated himself, louder and angrier. Lola held her breath and cursed internally as Harry pulled the map out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s this?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Spare bit of parchment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? Open it.” He pressed his wand to the middle of the parchment and declared, “Reveal your secrets.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola winced, knowing they were bound for </span>
  <em>
    <span>loads</span>
  </em>
  <span> of trouble if Snape’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>whatever that was</span>
  </em>
  <span> worked. Fortunately, only words appeared instead of a map itself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Read it,” Snape demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry and Lola exchanged looks. She cleared her throat and read the words off the map, biting back a grin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people’s business, while Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git, and Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor, and lastly Mr. Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola finished reading and was very impressed with her ability to keep a straight face and calm voice the entire time. Snape, on the other hand, was fuming, which Lola found even more funny. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why you </span>
  <em>
    <span>insolent</span>
  </em>
  <span>, little—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Professor.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lupin’s voice was the best thing to come out of this entire night. While Lola wasn’t sure he could get them out of a detention, Snape was definitely less likely to commit child murder if there was a witness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, well,” Snape said, rounding on the other man, “Lupin, out for a little walk in the moonlight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola glared, even though Snape couldn’t see. Lupin didn’t give Snape the satisfaction of a reaction. Instead, he just looked over Snape’s shoulder at them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harry, Lola, are you all right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That remains to be seen.” Snape ripped the map from Lola’s hands, the words from the Marauders still shining on the page, and handed it to Lupin. “I had just confiscated a rather curious artifact from Potter and Black. Take a look, supposed to be your area of expertise. Clearly, it’s full of dark magic.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lupin looked like he was holding back a laugh, which only made Lola like him more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I seriously doubt it, Severus. It looks to me as though it’s merely a parchment designed to insult anyone who tries to read it.” It was then that he laughed. “I suspect it’s a Zonko product.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unsure of what was happening, Lola just nodded emphatically. Snape tried to snatch back the map, but Lupin moved it away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Indeed? As neither of them are allowed in Hogsmeade, you don’t think it’s more likely they got it </span>
  <em>
    <span>directly from the manufacturers</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You mean by Mr. Wormtail, or one of these people?” Lupin asked quizzically. “Harry, Lola, do you know any of these men?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope,” Lola said quickly. "Never heard of 'em."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You see, Severus?” Lupin said mildly. “Nevertheless, I shall investigate any hidden qualities it might possess. It is, after all, you say, </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> area of expertise.” He pocketed the map. “Harry, Lola, would you come with me? Professor, goodnight.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eager to get away from Snape, Lola scurried forward. She was amazed that they managed to walk out of that encounter without a single detention. Harry seemed to share her amazement considering he turned to her, eyes wider than she’d ever seen them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come in,” Lupin said, opening the door to his classroom. He walked through the rows of desks, towards the back, and kept talking. “Now, I haven’t the faintest idea how this map came to be in your possessions. Quite frankly, I am astounded that you didn’t hand it in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola looked down at her feet, thinking of Hermione’s urgings. Maybe she and Harry weren’t getting out of this unscathed after all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did it never occur to you that this, in the hands of Sirius Black, is a map to you? Either of you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry shook his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t think so.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But, Professor, the map— It’s protected! You have to know how to—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to hear a word of it, Lola.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t yell. He just had the severe sound of disappointment that Uncle Atlas always had when she got into trouble, and that was far worse than any shouting. Before this, Lupin had been the one adult she looked up to that didn’t look at her in tragic disappointment. Her eyes stung and her throat felt very thick all of a sudden. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, Harry, your father never set much store by the rules either, but he and your mother </span>
  <em>
    <span>gave their lives</span>
  </em>
  <span> to save yours. Gambling their sacrifice by wandering around the castle, unprotected with a killer on the loose seems a pretty poor way to repay them!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola squeezed her eyes shut and folded her arms into her chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will not cover up again for either of you, do you hear me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, sir,” Harry whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola nodded mutely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. I want you to return to your dormitories and </span>
  <em>
    <span>stay there</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry nodded and grabbed her wrist. Blindly, she followed him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And don’t take any detours. If you do, I shall know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That struck Lola. How did Lupin even know about the map? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Professor,” Harry said, stopping them right at the door. “Just so you know, I don’t think that map always works. Earlier on, it showed Lola someone we know to be dead. That’s why we were up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lupin stared at them. “And who might that be?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola lifted her head and sniffed. “Peter Pettigrew.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s impossible,” Lupin said, sounding almost scared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s what we saw,” Lola snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned on her heel and stomped out of the classroom. She would have rathered Lupin just give her a month’s detention than look at her like she was some sort of disappointment. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hi everyone, sorry for being out of commission for so long—i got a major concussion (my 3rd overall, and 2nd in two years), so i've had to take it really easy for the few weeks. i'm doing better now, which is good, but i lost my job due to covid budget cuts at the daycare i worked at and i haven't been able to start a new job with my concussion. so, i've decided to start taking writing commissions! </p><p>here is a link to my tumblr post of my commission guidelines: https://folkloretrack03.tumblr.com/post/650325256070905856/writing-commissions. if you can't find a way to open it easily, here's a TLDR of sorts:<br/>I'll write fanfiction, essays, short stories, poems, speeches, or I'll copyedit/proofread/revise anything of your choosing. </p><p>My fanfiction guidelines are:<br/>I will write NSWF, gore/horror, angst, most ships, fandoms I'm not directly involved in as long as you give me a specific prompt. <br/>Fandoms I will write for: Star Wars, Stranger Things, MCU, Criminal Minds, Harry Potter, and more. <br/>I will NOT write: explicit smut, incest, self harm, suicide, rape, real people fic, Reylo, any Snape ships. Additionally, I reserve the right to reject any requests I receive.</p><p>I charge $1.50/100 words with a turnaround of ~3 days.*<br/>If you want a rush for less than 3, that will be an additional $5 for each day.<br/>500 words x 3 days = $7.50<br/>500 words x 2 days = $12.50<br/>500 words x 1 day = $17.50<br/>I accept payment through Venmo (@ Maggiecantread) and Cashapp ($pinkinkpen)<br/>*Turnaround time subject to change with life/availability.</p><p>Please consider commissioning me, or at the very least donating a couple dollars if you're willing. I have a lot of medical bills to pay off and I also desperately need to save up for a car (I had to lose mine to get away from my abusive father). Also, please comment and tell me your thoughts/feelings/opinions on this chapter! I'm really excited for you all to read how the story progresses.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Directly from the Manufacturers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>you remember too much,<br/>my mother said to me recently. </p><p>why hold onto all that? and i said,<br/>where can i put it down?</p><p> </p><p>-the glass essay // anne carson</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Lupin hadn’t told Uncle Atlas about the map or that she and Harry were sneaking around the castle at night. So, maybe Lupin didn’t think she was as much of a disappointment as she thought he did. When their next Defense Against the Dark Arts class ended, Lola hung back and waited until everyone had cleared out to approach Lupin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Professor, about the other night, I—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to hear explanations, Lola,” Lupin said rather shortly. “I happen to know that this map was confiscated by Mr. Filch many years ago, and I don’t want to know how it fell into your possession.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you know it’s a map?” Lola asked. “Or how to read it? Snape thought Harry and I got it from the people who made it. Why?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because…” Lupin hesitated. He looked at her and sighed. “Because these mapmakers would have wanted to lure you and Harry out of school. They’d think it extremely entertaining.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, you knew them?” Lola asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve met.” His voice was back to being short and clipped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stared at him, unsure if this meant he no longer liked her. She really hoped not. He was her favorite teacher ever and she really didn’t think she could bear it if another adult thought she was a lost cause. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And that’s how you know to use it?” Lola asked him. When he just looked at her, she swallowed and nodded. “I— I’m sorry to disappoint you, sir. I don’t— I’m not taking any of this lightly, you know. I know how much danger Harry’s in.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled and looked up to meet Lupin’s eyes. They were heavy with bags, tired and sad. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t have a habit of sneaking out.” That was a </span>
  <em>
    <span>bit</span>
  </em>
  <span> of a lie, but Lupin didn’t need to know that. And, besides, they only snuck out for important things. “Harry and I were only out last night because I saw Peter Pettigrew’s name on the map, and I know my dad killed him. I just— I wanted to see if the map was telling the truth, and so did Harry. We were never going to leave the actual castle.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lupin stared at her and his stern facade broke just a little. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you care about Harry greatly,” Lupin told her. “But, no matter how talented at charms you are, you’re just fourteen, Lola. You can’t run around trying to track down dark wizards or dead people.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why not?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Lola thought. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’ve faced Voldemort himself with Harry.</span>
  </em>
  <span> She didn’t think telling Lupin that would do her much good, though.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I disappointed you, sir.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Merlin, Lola,” Lupin said. “You haven’t disappointed me, and I’m sorry if I’ve made you think so. You’re— you’re a brilliant witch, and an excellent friend. You’re fourteen, you can’t hold yourself to the standards of adult witches.” </span>
</p><p>
  <b>[</b>
  <span> … </span>
  <b>]</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Even knowing she was still in Lupin’s good books, Lola was rather miserable. She’d thought seeing Pettigrew on the map would fix everything, but it didn’t. The only highlight of her week was Hermione slapping Draco across the face with more force than Lola ever imagined Hermione packing for making fun of Hagrid. Draco’d even gotten a bruise on his cheek from it, which Lola thought served him right. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The weeks passed by slowly, and Easter holidays slipped away like a bottle of butterbeer. Exams were drawing nearer and the professors were piling on homework. The only saving grace was Lola’s artwork class, which was more relaxing than work. Though Freddie and her classmates seemed to disagree with her as they were all fretting over having to draw on top of writing essays for their other classes. Lola had always been fast at work, so she wasn’t much phased by any of the added work. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry had Quidditch practice every night, so he ceased his Patronus lessons. Lola refused and begged Lupin to continue them with her. She was determined to learn the Patronus Charm and send it to Sirius Black. She could blow this whole thing wide open. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>On the Thursday night before the final Quidditch match of the season, she stood in the History of Magic classroom with Lupin. Tonight, though, Uncle Atlas and Professor Flitwick were present. Lupin had apparently told them all about the progress she was making and they wanted to see it themselves. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tonight’s the night</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she thought. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m gonna do it</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She focused on every happy memory she could think of, with her childhood as the main source. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Blackbird singing in the dead of night</span>
  </em>
  <span>… She raised her wand, and closed her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Expecto patronum</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Warmth rushed through her, gathering in her core and trailing into her fingertips. Her wand was hot in her hand, but not uncomfortably. Even with her eyes closed, she could see the bright silver light. She opened her eyes and the professors were staring at her, impressed. A great, large wolf circled around her, standing as tall as her shoulders, as if to ward off any potential threats. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I did it!</span>
  </em>
  <span> Lola’s wand fell from her grip and the patronus vanished as soon as her wand clattered to the floor. She didn’t even care. She was too shocked that she’d actually done it.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bloody hell,” Uncle Atlas murmured. “Lola, that was fantastic!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here, here!” Professor Flitwick tittered. “Such impressive charmwork, there! I’ve half a mind to exempt you from this year’s exam!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola laughed nervously and looked over at Lupin. He looked very pale, staring blankly at the spot where her Patronus had vanished. She picked her wand up and fiddled with it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So… A wolf. What’s that supposed to say about me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, a Patronus is a reflection of one’s soul,” Professor Flitwick said. “Wolves are typically associated with packs and loyalty, but also mystery. Now, I must be off. I have stacks of papers to grade. Lola, I needless tell you you received full marks on the Cheering Charm essay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And with that, he leapt from the desk and left the classroom. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Loyal and mysterious.” Lola grinned. “I like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I figured you would,” Uncle Atlas said. “Remus, would you mind walking Lola back to Gryffindor Tower?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yes,” Lupin said. “That’s fine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good man. Thank you.” Uncle Atlas gathered his things and gave Lola a bright smile. “I’m proud of you, Lola.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, Uncle Atlas.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He squeezed her shoulder and kissed the crown of her head before leaving. Lupin handed her a bar of chocolate and smiled a bit crookedly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That really was brilliant, Lola.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She beamed up at him as she took a bite from the chocolate bar. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe I pulled it off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not? I had all the faith in the world.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, sir.” She laughed a little and pocketed her wand. “That means a lot.” </span>
</p><p>
  <b>[</b>
  <span> … </span>
  <b>]</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have any bad feelings about today?” Harry whispered to her at breakfast. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola glanced at him. “No. Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well…” He looked around and bent in close to her. “I saw the Grim this morning. But Crookshanks was with it! I swear, Lola, I saw it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stared at him, eyebrows furrowed. Then, it hit her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh! You just saw the stray.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The stray?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah! Black dog, kinda scruffy, huge?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry nodded slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not the Grim. Just a regular dog.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay… Good. Good.” He straightened back his shoulders and took a sip of water. “And, you don’t have any bad feelings about the match?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In fact, she was certain Gryffindor was going to win. She wouldn’t tell Harry that. She never told him her inklings when it came to Gryffindor’s matches. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Care for a good luck kiss, lovely Lola?” George came out of nowhere, swooping into the seat beside her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola scrunched up her nose and tried to fight off a blush. “No way, man.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George pouted out his bottom lip. “Not even if I say pretty please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She knew she was blushing. She could feel the heat of it without needing to look in her warped reflection in the silver goblet. Even so, she could see the red in her cheeks. She hated this stupid crush. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not even then,” she told him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if I win?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> won’t win. The team will,” Harry said from the other side of her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lola turned to him and grinned. He looked oddly irritated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly,” she said, looking back at George. “If I agree to a victory kiss, then I’ll need to kiss everyone on the team!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He waggled his eyebrows at her. “As long as I get the first.” With that, he got up and joined Fred and Lee a little ways down the table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry, Hermione, and Ron were staring at her when she turned back to face them. Hermione looked confused while Ron looked flatout disgusted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the </span>
  <em>
    <span>hell</span>
  </em>
  <span> was that, Ophelia?” Ron spat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” she asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop flirting with my brother! It’s disgusting.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> flirting,” Lola scoffed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you were,” Harry said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He rolled his eyes and shoved a piece of toast into his mouth. Scowling, Lola had half the mind to whack him on the head. What was with his stupid attitude? Luckily, she was saved by Oliver Wood calling the team to go down to the pitch early. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>[</b>
  <span> … </span>
  <b>]</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Just as Lola suspected, Gryffindor won the match and, by extension, the Cup. It was a dirty game, and Slytherin had resorted to several cheating tactics. At one point, Draco had grabbed onto the end of Harry’s broom to slow him down and Lola had gotten so angry that both Ron and Hermione had to physically restrain her from hexing him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The resulting party in the common room was even greater than the last one. Lola was drinking a lemon soda that she and the twins nicked from Honeydukes, but she was confident that some of the older students were nursing concealed bottles of firewhisky from how rowdy they were getting. She couldn’t blame them, and it turned them into wonderful sources of entertainment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Especially Oliver Wood. He was so red in the face and obviously drunk that his accent became unintelligible as he recounted the match from his point of view. At one point, he became so overwhelmed with happiness that he burst into tears. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Good for him</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she thought honestly as she laughed along to his story. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You knew we’d win, right?” Harry asked her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grinned and took a swig of her soda. “Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bloody seer,” he said, laughing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah.” Lola rolled her eyes, but her smile didn’t falter. “Give it a break on that, will you. I haven’t started spouting prophecies yet, so I’m still normal, far as I’m concerned. I’ve just got a fantastic intuition.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No one’s intuition is </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> good. I could roll a dice and you’d know which side it would land on every time.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doesn’t make me a seer.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> are infuriating, you know that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, please, you know it’s one of my most appealing qualities!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry rolled his eyes, but he didn’t disagree which she took as a win. They sat in comfortable silence, basking in the warmth of the revelries until Oliver called Harry over to help with the storytelling. Ron and Hermione had made up and they were together, sitting with Neville and Ginny, laughing about something. She watched them, smiling and horridly glad that the fighting was done. Harry’s seat was replaced by George. His pale cheeks were flushed and his eyes were as bright as the stars. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Lolaaaa</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he sang. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, George.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He narrowed his eyes and leaned in a little closer to her. She could smell a slight hint of firewhisky on his breath. He wasn’t drunk, but he’d definitely had something to drink. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How is it you’ve never confused Fred and I up?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stunned, she licked her lips. “Your freckle patterns are different.” She gestured to her face and then tapped her left eyebrow. “And you’ve got one brown freckle right here that Fred doesn’t have.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A brown freckle?” He laughed. “I’ve never noticed that and I’ve been looking at my face longer than you have.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m really good at those spot the difference games,” Lola said seriously. She downed the rest of her soda and placed it by her foot on the floor. “How much did you have to drink?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Embarrassment flashed across George’s face and he hung his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I couldn’t even do a shot!” His voice was full of dramatic anguish. “I spat it right back out. I don’t know how they all do it, Lola. That stuff’s bloody right disgusting, innit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How would I know?” She snickered quietly. “I’ve never had it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And don’t ever try it if you want to keep your tastebuds.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You got it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lola,” George said after a moment of silence passed between them. “I’d like to kiss you, I think.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stared at him without a single thing in her brain other than a low static buzzing. She couldn’t form a single coherent thought or word. So, she did what she always did, and laughed. It was a high, sharp, annoying cackle. George didn’t react, which only made her more confused. Once the laughter died down in her throat, she opened and closed her mouth several times. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” she finally said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You heard me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He wants to kiss you, idiot!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right.” She let out a brief nervous chuckle and clamped her hands between her thighs. “Um… Why?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dunno. I like you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, yeah. We’re friends.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>George stared at her. His top lip was curled up and she could see that he was biting his tongue between his bottom lip and front teeth. He popped his lip out and sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lola.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to kiss you, but I won’t feel bad if you move away.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” she squeaked out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he leaned it, she surprised herself by meeting him in the middle instead of moving away. It was short and he pulled away first, but she almost wished he hadn’t. She giggled awkwardly afterwards, unsure of what to say. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, she settled for: “Thanks!”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>all lola wants is validaaaaatiiiioooooonnnnn!!! also, as i posted in the last chapter, i am opening commissions. feel free to message me on twitter (@maggiecantread) to request something.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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